The Art of Falling In Love | Pentagon ✔

Chapter 13

MY MOM SAID THAT THE ART OF FALLING IN LOVE is this: the colors are bright, everything seems bright, but not in a flashy way because when you're in love and you paint the person you're in love with, everything would seem to glow.

After Yanan and I ate dinner over Seonata's, we walked beside the Han River, staring at the lights that illuminated the place. A place I've painted so many times.

"Gain asked me a question," Yanan began. I listened attentively. The city lights shimmered from a distance. "She asked me to be honest. She asked me who I think about at night before I sleep?"

I looked at him, my heartbeat slowing down. "Why is she so good at crazy questions?" I asked with a forced chuckle.

He stopped, walked and stood in front of me, searching for my eyes. "I thought it was crazy too." he said, "But why?" he paused, swallowing hard. "Why was the answer you?"

Everything stopped. My breathing, my heart, the time, my world. And when they moved again, it felt so overwhelming.

I have been waiting for this all my life. I have day dreamed about this every single day, knowing he won't feel the same about me. I was happy just to have him close to me even if I'm just labeled a best friend.

BUT...

BUT...

I looked up to him, feeling as if dark clouds covered my heart. "But why now?" I asked him. I didn't notice the tears that had grown in my eyes.

"I was so confused." Yanan said weakly. "Why would I like you that way? You're my best friend. I've seen your worst and your best, and you've seen mine. Why after all this time? I asked these questions to myself. Why is it that when I'm with her, I wished you were there instead? Because you would have laughed to our inside jokes, you would have been creative and continued my weird dreams when I told you about them."

I shook my head, turning away. He held my hand and I felt my heart breaking. "Chanmi, I know we don't want to feel this way to each other for the sake of our friendship, but would you give us a chance?"

"Why now?" I asked again.

Pain flickered in his eyes. I looked away. "Yuto..." he said. "Do you like him?"

I shook my head. "I don't know."

"I know I'm a little too late." he said this time. "I feel like an idiot for denying it to myself all these years. I like you, Chanmi. And whether you still like me or not, you'll still be my best friend."

"You broke my heart a little more each and every day. You broke my heart the day I saw you smile because of her. You broke it everytime you chose her over me. You broke it everytime you held her hand in front of me. And I don't blame you because it was all on me. It wasn't like you asked me to feel this way about you. But every single night, when I think about you with her, I fell asleep sad and gloomy. You affected me and you didn't realize. You said my paintings are dark recently. That's how I felt, Yanan." I told him, keeping my eyes on the river. I was afraid that if I met his eyes, I wouldn't be able to say these things. "I want to tell you this because you're still my best friend." I said a bit more softly.

"I'm sorry, Chanmi." he said and my heart broke with the sadness in it.

I smiled, tears blurred my vision. "You are breaking my heart right nowㅡbecause why now? Why did you only come now? Why did my heart have to break a hundred times before you realized you feel the same way about me? No, waitㅡ" I said, the first tear rolling down my cheek. "I don't want to blame you. I don't want to do that. You didn't know." I said, shaking my head. I finally looked at him. "But I'm so upset, Yanan."