After Maxx ferociously left me stranded at the restaurant, I called Renee to have her hopefully take me home, considering I was believed to be at her house. I call her twice, hoping she’ll answer but both times all I get is voicemail. Panicking, I start to pace back and forth in front of the doors, getting in a countless number of people’s way. I decide to try to walk home, I don’t know the exact way home but I try my hardest.
It starts to rain after 10 minutes of walking and at that moment, I realize I left my jacket in Maxx’s car. Deciding to either walk on in the rain, or wait until it stops, I decide to keep walking. My old ballet flats are soaked in seconds and I’m shivering, cursing myself for wearing short sleeves. I keep walking, approaching Maxx’s house in 15 minutes. He’s sitting on the roof next to his car, surprisingly not wet at all. I don’t know how long he was out there; couldn’t have been for long.
He smirks at me as I walk past him, waiting until I’m about 20 feet away from him to call out my name. “Abbi!” he yells. I hesitate for a second, but then decide to walk towards him and see what he wants. “You left your jacket in my car,” he says, handing it to me. After seeing me shrug it on, he shakes his head slightly, and walks inside his house. I’m tempted to follow him, ask him why he was so angry, but I decide against it. I stare at the ground for a few more seconds, and start walking again.
The rain lets up shortly after Maxx’s house is out of my view. My clothes dry rapidly afterwards as well.
I remember Addison and I skateboarding on this road, I’d always be the one to fall face first. Addison, on the other hand, was a natural, and only fell when she was trying to do a trick that Nathan had tried to teach us earlier that day. She eventually did nail that trick, but for me, all I managed to do was stay upright for more than 30 seconds.
Eventually, I make it home, the silence of the almost-night only broken by the squishing of my still damp, and very uncomfortable, shoes. I unlock the door, and hear my parents crying. Quietly, I walk into our living room. My parents are fussing over a girl who looks surprisingly like Addison.
My brain doesn’t connect the two together until Addison turns and runs up to me, hugging me as tightly as she can.
Addison and I are in our room, clearing up the mess of my clothes that have overwhelmed her bed. It feels better knowing that Addison is in here with me, a tightness left my chest I hadn’t noticed until I looked over at her side of the room, so used to it being empty, but this time seeing her. “I’m gone for what, 2 weeks, and you already claim my side of the room as your own?” she asks me, tossing a stray t-shirt onto my bed. I laugh, folding the discarded shirt and putting it back in my closet.
I open my mouth to ask her where she was, what happened to her, but I choose not to, sensing that she doesn’t even know herself. Addison catches me staring in my closet, mouth wide open, “Shut your mouth, it’ll catch flies.” she tells me, something our mother would tell us almost every day when we were little.
As we clean, I catch myself thinking of Maxx, how happy he’s going to be to finally meet my sister.
Later that night, Addison and I are sitting across from our parents at the table. I stare at my plate, stirring my chicken around until the conversation the other ¾ of my family is having catches my attention. “The police told us to keep you –both of you- in our sight at all times until whoever did this to you is caught.” Mom says, her lips surprisingly bare of lipstick.
Addison doesn’t reply, and neither do I, we both continue to stir around our food in silence. Eventually, our parents stop trying to make us talk and all four of us sit in awkward silence.
I’m not someone who deals with silence too well, I always play music in the car, make some sort of noise in an awkward pause of conversation until someone finds something to talk about. This is something Addison and I both share, as we usually fight over what music would play in the silence, therefore cutting out the reason for the music to be played in the first place.
I end up kicking the leg of my chair for a while until Mom clears her throat, grabs her plate, stands up and tosses it in the garbage. She stares at Addison, making me not the target of her gaze, for once. Being placed in the hospital for countless physiological scares has turned my parents overly protective of me. But for once in my life, I’m not being scrutinized and it gives me relief I never knew I missed.
I start to stand, but sit back down, not sure what to do with myself. I stare at my food, until eventually, the rest of my family leaves me alone at the table.
***
“Daddy wait!” she says, tugging on his arm. “Check for the monsters again!” She points under her bed, then shifts her blankets. Her sister rolls her eyes at her. “Abbigail, there isn't any monsters.” her father tells her, trying to break her of her fear. “Abbs, they're coming to get you!” her sister says, running up to her bed, jumping on her and successfully scaring her. “Addison, don't scare your sister.” her dad says, picking Addison up and carrying her back to her bed. “Now go to sleep both of you.” he says, turning the light off behind him, closing the door quietly. Abbi takes a deep breath, “Daddy! You forgot to check for monsters!” She hears his footsteps falter, but he keeps walking. She pulls her pink cotton blankets up to her neck and squeezes her eyes shut, trying to prepare herself for the monsters.
She can't sleep, she knows they're there. She can't get up, can't run away, or they'll grab her and pull her under again. She hears a scratch under her bed and just barely holds in a scream. She tries to get her sister's attention, “Addison!” she whisper-yells, hopefully loud enough to wake up her sister.
It doesn't work. She can just see her sister in the dark light of their room. She takes a deep breath. She pulls up the bed skirt and looks under her bed. A pair of red eyes stare back at her.
I gasp, wake up with my head mere inches from my nearly full plate of cold food. I look at the clock next to me which reads 2:29. I stand up, sit my plate next to the sink, and walk upstairs haunted by the memory that I suppressed until now. I just narrowly miss falling up the stairs and causing a huge commotion, and turn into the single bathroom upstairs. I turn on the faucet, the cold water a waterfall in the silent night. I splash some water on my face, avoiding my reflection at all costs. I walk into our bedroom, trying to keep quiet. I shrug on the first pajamas I find and crawl into bed.
My childhood fear of monsters under my bed slowly creeps back into me until I'm shaking and close to hyperventilating. I suppressed all memory of any 'monster' sightings to the point that I almost forgot I was scared of them in the first place. But at night, when I'm alone with my thoughts, my choices, my idiotic decisions, I start to remember them, usually ending a monster filled nightmare just to jump into another. I end up staying awake all night long, too scared to even check under my bed.
