Who Says You're the One in Control?

What do You do When Everything You Love is Gone?

Sans Jumped when he felt something on his shoulder. King Asgore was kneeling next to him. Sans hadn't even heard him coming. He looked away when he noticed how sad and tired the King looked. The soul in his hand drew his attention, again. How long had he been here? When was Chara going to reset?

"Sans, it's over." Asgore seemed to sense Sans' silent question, and answered it accordingly. Sans couldn't believe that. Chara was playing some sick joke on him. This wasn't over. Nothing was.

Sans stared at the soul in his hand as if willing it to disappear. Why was it the one time Sans was prepared to die, Chara had to pull something like this? "Sans," Asgore shook Sans back to reality again. "You saved the monster race, and set us free. You're a hero."

"no." Sans spat, slapping the king's hand off his shoulder. He stood up and turned his back to Asgore. He wasn't a hero in any sense of the word. He hadn't even been able to save his own brother.

This couldn't be the end. He had resigned himself to his fate of dying long before Chara had finished killing the other monsters. He had decided that that was going to be his future. Living here, without Papyrus, was unbearable to think about. Now Chara was just going to give up? What had happened to DETERMINATION?

"Sans, please." Asgore sounded so tired. "Let this be over."

Sans turned to see the boss monster looked ten years older than he had before. There had never been a run where Asgore had come to the corridor. That, plus the soul that was still in his hands made Sans feel incredibly tired. It was as if his body knew it was over, even if his mind was unwilling to accept it.

He gave in. Handing Asgore the soul, he went home, ignoring the king's protest. There was nothing left for him in that corridor until Chara reset, anyways.

~

Sans woke up to a knock at his door. It took him a moment to figure out where he was. He had fallen asleep on the couch. One look around the living room reminded him of what had happened last night.

The living room was trashed. The TV had broken, the table was on its side, empty bottles of crab apple hard cider were strewn across the floor. Sans could only imagine what Papyrus would say if he could see what Sans had done last night in his drunken rage. 

Sans winced as he heard another knock at the door. His head was pounding. At least it was a soft knock. Sans' mind flashed through all the monsters he knew who would knock softly. Only a few came to mind that were still alive. Further deduction on who would actually come to see him narrowed the list down to even less.

"Um.. S-sans?" The voice through the door belonged to none other than Alphys, the Royal Scientist. 

Sans thought for a minute of what opening the door would mean. For starters, it meant standing up, and that alone seemed out of the question. Then he would be forced into a conversation. She would undoubtedly bring up Papyrus, and would possibly mention the state of his living room. Sans knew she would bring up Undyne, or at least refer to her. She might even cry. He decided to wait where he was for her to leave. The idea of even looking at another monster made him want to curl up and die.

She didn't leave. He could hear her shuffle around for a while, as if waiting for him to answer the door. She was going to be disappointed. "Sans, I know you're in there. Can we just talk?" She said when she finally realized he wasn't coming. After a few minutes, she sighed and continued. "I know you lost your brother." There it was. "I lost someone I loved, too." yup. And she was crying, too; her voice shaking. "I never even got to tell..." She trailed off for a minute. 

Sans could feel the wetness of fresh tears on his own face as he listened in silence. When was the last time he had told his own brother he loved him?

After finally calming down, she continued. "No one's okay. Everyone lost someone." She paused for a while more. "Sans, I have this feeling like I should be here. I know how much you loved Papyrus." Oh god make it stop. Sans was sobbing. Alphys continued. "I want to help you." Her voice shook a little. "Please, let me in." 

Sans felt as if someone was sitting on his chest. His grief overtook him in seconds. Papyrus was gone. Sans was absolutely alone. He would never hear his brother laugh. He would never have a chance to eat his famously awful spaghetti. He would never see the day Papyrus was admitted as a member of the Royal Guard. The worst part was, there was no more resets. Papyrus was never coming back. Sans was still alive, and Papyrus was gone. Chara was gone. Frisk, Toriel, Undyne. Sans would never see any of them again. 

"S-sans?" Alphys was still outside. Sans had forgotten about her entirely, too caught up in his crying to worry about if she could hear. He heard her sigh and try the doorknob. It was amazing he had even locked the door at all yesterday. "Ok. I'm probably making it worse. Sorry.." Her voice cracked on the last word, and she ran off crying.

Sans felt sorry for her. It was a distant feeling, though. As if Alphys was an abstract concept. Feeling sorry for her was like feeling sorry for a spider you step on accidentally. His mind was too wrapped up in his own pain to be concerned about how others felt.

Sans didn't move. He hardly thought. He didn't cry; he just existed for what seemed like hours, feeling nothing. Without meaning to, his mind wandered to his brother.