Playing With Power

Resolutions

The ride home was quiet. Not even the radio was on to alleviate the tension. I kept replaying what had happened in my head, over and over. Had I over reacted? Were they really just up to their stupid games? But no, the look on Val's face, the fear...and how devastated he had looked when she used what I was assuming was their safeword... He had to have pushed it too far. Alcohol and everything must have caused his stupid little brain to short circuit and think that was okay. I shuttered to think that he would believe that any other way.

Finally, as we got close to our apartment, Noam quietly said, "Ah like control, but Ah won' e'er doo tha' again...."

"Just shut up, Noam," TJ growled from the driver's seat.

"No! Because yer gooin' tae all turn her against mae! We were fine! Then ye pissed mae off!The only girl Ah've had that meant something and yer gooin tae turn her on mae because none of ye understand what it is we do! Yeah, it's sex, it's hard, rough, dirty sex but it's mae takin' care of anything she's ever gooin' tae need!"

Val hid her face in my shirt. She was shaking and it was hard to tell what was going through her head. Part of me just knew that she would forgive the smarmy bastard. My buzz was quickly dying off and I wasn't prepared to deal with this sober.

"Val..." Noam said softly as I helped her out of the car. I shot him a nasty glare for speaking to her.

"I - I need some time, Noam. And some Tylenol...." she groaned and I kissed her head and unlocked our door, helping her inside.

Noam stared longingly at her as he followed us, TJ not far behind. He was ready to take him down again if he had to. "Alright," he conceded. "But....mah deal with ye stands. Out here, Ah'll try and do it yer way..."

I was so mad at everything. Livid. Val got herself some medicine and a soda. TJ was basically dragging him along, obviously not trusting him. It was silent in our apartment for a while. I was fighting down tears I was so mad.

"Alright," my friend said, settling into a chair, looking at all of us. "Now, we can talk."

I snorted with disgust at this whole thing, walking away into the kitchen, blocking it all out. For once, I just needed it to be silent. Normally, I craved the chaos. But I needed it quiet. My hands were shaking as I made a cup of coffee on our Keurig. And I couldn't stop the tears. My PTSD was hitting hard. I just sank down against the counter and let the tears quietly fall.

All I could see was him. I could feel his hands on me, shoving me around. I could see his angry face. I could hear the screams and slurs that came out of his mouth. I ran my hands, trembling, through my hair as I rested my forehead on my knees, gripping it, trying to physically pull myself together and gulp down air. 

It took me a minute to pull myself together before I could rejoin the others. And I walked in just in time to hear them making up and him promising to never hurt her like that again. They're lucky all I did was walk away.

I stormed up to my room and slammed the door so hard things shook. I couldn't believe she would continue this pathetic cycle of abuse. He was just going to keep doing shit like this. It would never end. And she'd be stuck. Like I had been stuck.

There was a soft knock on my door and I looked up. "'S'open..." I called softly.

Thankfully it was TJ on the other side and he closed the door gently behind him as he stepped into my bedroom and sat beside me on the bed. "You okay?"

I shrugged.

He was quiet for a bit, then, "I don't know what to do, Kenna...."

I shook my head. "He's such a snake. There is nothing to do. She's not going to listen. He's always going to keep charming his way back in...." I sniffled again, closing my eyes as TJ's arm came around me, pulling me into him.

"I'll take him back to the hotel tonight."

I nodded some and took a shuttering breath. "He already ruined everything though. Tonight was supposed to be a fun night. We were supposed to dance and have fun. I was supposed to have time with you..."

"We can always go out again, without them this time. Just us," he offered, trying to make it better.

I smiled weakly. "Teddy... I have to be a mom sometime...."

He made me look at him. "We'll go next week when I come back. I leave for Florida first thing in the morning."

It took me a second to process what day it was already and I nodded. His lips met mine in a gentle kiss. I kissed him back deeply. As I did, he pulled me onto his lap to straddle him. My skirt started to ride up. His hands wandered over me, over my bare skin. He moved down my jawbone to my neck, making my head fall back to give him access as he kissed and nibbled on the skin there. It gave me goosebumps. I wanted him.

His hand wandered up my skirt, along the outside of my thigh. I felt him shift, like he was going to change positions, but he stopped all together and slowly pulled away, looking up at me. He blinked a couple of times. "I...I'm sorry, I can't...." he said quietly.

I swallowed hard. "Right....no right, of course not..." I hurried to stand up, fixing my skirt and top, embarrassed. How could I let myself think he'd want to.

He caught my hand. "It's not that I don't want to," he assured me, though I'm not sure how much I believed him. "I really do.... It's just...with everything that happened tonight...Just not after all of that..."

"Right, yeah, no, you're right...Craziness." I tried to laugh it off but it turned out nervous and awkward. "Some other time," I added, sounding like a total idiot. I internally face-palmed. I was so embarrassing.

He smiled down at me when he stood up, tucking my hair back. "When it's right," he softly promised.

I nodded, smiling nervously.

He leaned down and kissed me again, holding my cheek in his warm, worked hand. This one was sweet and simple. I melted. I didn't want him to ever stop kissing me, I didn't care how he did it.

When we broke apart, he touched his forehead to mine. "I'm going to get him out of your house now," he said, kissing the spot his forehead touched, and with that, he left.

I closed my door behind him and sighed, getting changed for bed.

Tonight royally sucked ass.