right? - d. twins✔️

xi

"why did you hide this from us?" he asks, ripping me from my fantasy.

"hide what?" i ask.

he glances my way, giving me a look as to ask if i'm actually serious.

"oh, that, yeah..." i say, sliding down in my seat.

"yeah, that." he mocks, putting his focus back on the road.

"what else was there to do? none of you would ever believe me. it would break your hearts and cause me to lose the only family i had left, i couldn't risk that. at first i thought it was just rough sex, but then it carried on outside the bedroom. i don't know why, i don't know what i did."

"you did nothing." he shot angrily. i slowly turned to face him.

"well apparently i fucking did or else we wouldn't be in this fucking mess, ethan."

"you did absolutely nothing vivian."

"why are you so sure about that ethan, how would you know?"

"just the same as anyone else vivian like fuck look at you you're amazing, any guy or girl would be so damn lucky to have you, like grayson really hit the fucking lottery and i hate him for that. he always gets the best in life and he throws it away, he treats it like it's nothing, he doesn't understand how fucking lucky he is with everything! especially girls."

i sit and stare in disbelief.

"and especially with you viv, especially you." he loosens his grip on the steering, but keeps his eyes steady on the road. fuck, that got me. i don't know if it was the fact that it came from him, or that no one has ever really said that to me before, but i just about melted in my seat.

through the ride, we listened to the radio, talked, laughed, and laughed some more. this was the first time in months that i genuinely laughed. it felt so good, and seeing him smiling back at me made me even happier.

don't get me wrong, i loved grayson. i believe that i still do, but his way of showing love is so much different, and so wrong. but i can't remember the last time he made me genuinely happy. not like ethan can within just five minutes of being together. when gray and i were dating, it was much more blissful. gifts galore, amazing vacation spots, and amazing times in bed together. he was my everything, and now, part of me can't believe i'm really letting all of that go. maybe i should go back. maybe i should apologize, curl up in his arms and let him shower me with love and affection.

no.

yes.

no.

i don't know.

i devoted nearly four years of my life to that man, and it hurts leaving. it shouldn't, should it? he's been abusing me, and i shouldn't take it, but i have. i shouldn't love him, but i do. i shouldn't be laughing with his twin brother like we're together, but i am. fuck feelings. i feel like a little kid, sitting here battling with myself when i'm a twenty four year old woman.

i should have my life together at this point, right? i should at least be more stable than i am for sure. most people i know had already had a kid by this point in their lives, a steady job, a nice house, a nice life.

what the fuck did i do wrong?