Dead Leaves | p.jm |

Let it all out

The tear in my eyes never stops since I left the cafe. It kept falling like waterfall. I can't think of anything right now... Not after what had happened back at the cafe.

The taxi stopped in front of my house. I paid the driver then hopped out of the taxi. I searched for my house key in my bag while making my way towards the front door.

I entered the house and slammed the door shut with my back then slowly lowered myself down till I hit the cold tile floor.

I hugged my knees to my face, but I didnt continue to cry. At this point, I couldn't do anything else than stare in the middle of the empty room with one question in mind that kept repeating in my head...

.

.

.

Why?...

.

.

.

Memories with Jimin started to flood in my head. Remembering our sweet moments together in this very house. I wish to stop reminiscing about this stupid memories but it kept flowing in my head till it left no room for air in my mind.

Simply, this is what people so called it 'blinded by love'

I stood up from my slouched position and walked towards the kitchen to grab a knife then proceeded to walk upstairs to 'our' shared bedroom. I looked at the bed where I used to spend my time with Jimin cuddling each other without even care about the world outside. He used to comfort me when I have nightmares about my parents. Its so Bitter yet sweet at the same time thinking about it.

Does this mean after all this time his love for me was fake?! A LIE?!

I aggressively scratch my head trying really hard to forget it. I don't know what I'm trying so hard to forget. About my parents? About Jimin? I don't know...

I hate this...

Why is it always me?

What have I done to deserve this?

I want to forget it..

I WANT to Forget it..

I WANT TO FORGET IT!!!

I screamed at the top of my lungs and pushed the things on the night stand fall. I threw the lamp across the room and it broke after it hit the wall. The pictures that are hanged by the wall with me and Jimin together, I simply threw it on the floor and it crashes in to a million of pieces. Then I looked at myself on the mirror.

I walked towards it slowly, never broke the eye contact between myself in the mirror. I slowly reached my hand to my face...

Why would you do this to me? Was I not pretty? Wasn't I good enough for you?

I hit the mirror with my bare hands out of frustration and after a few hits, the mirror just cracked but it didn't break. Pushing all the objects and my makeup stuff to the side, I grab the side of the table and pulled it down. Making the mirror that I hit seconds ago shattered.

Grabbing my photo album book by the nearby shelves, I rip all the pictures of me and Jimin together from every page. It fell on the bed. I used the knife and start stabbing all of the ripped pictures. Making a few holes here and there on the pictures and the bed mattress till the fillings came out of the bed. I took hold of the nearby pillow and hit it on the now spoiled pictures repeatedly.

"AM I JUST THAT UGLY IN YOUR EYES PARK JIMIN?!"

"You are pretty just the way you are.."

"AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?!"

"You are more than enough for me.."

"I HATE YOU JIMIN!!!"

"I Love You (y/n)"

Remembering those sweet talk Jimin used to say to me. The words that use to make me feel weak to the knees and melt to the heart. Making me fall for him all over and over again. Why am I like this?

The feathers from the pillow falls everywhere in the room and slowly, one of the feathers falls gently on my dried tears. How long am I going to cry for this man?...

I went downstairs to the kitchen again and grab a bottle of gasoline and a lighter. I proceeded to go back upstairs to enter the messy room and stood right in front of the bed.

I open the bottle cap and pour all the remaining liquid onto the pictures. Threw the empty bottle somewhere in the room and lit up the lighter.

Now I know what am I trying to forget...

Myself..

Whats the point of living when every single people that I love and cherish always leaves me.

Mom...

Dad...

I'm coming..

I let the lighter fall from my fingertips.

Wait for me..

Dude I literally got no other gif than that lol I'm so sorry