Stuck » h.s. (UNDER EDITING)

eighteen

HARRY'S POV:

Darkness is a funny thing. It can consume and destroy you, or push you into a bright and shining light. It's always up to you how you interpret something so strong. It brings a chain reaction of emotions with it. First there's confused, then scared, nervous, sad, depressed, then you just don't care anymore. You would to prefer jump off of the top of a building rather than endure the immense pain.

What are you supposed to do when it takes over? What if you don't feel like fighting it? Then what? You just slowly let it kill you. Let it suck all the life that's left straight out. It doesn't happen all at once either, it takes its sweet time in its mission to terminate everything you've ever worked for. I happen to believe that we've all experienced our own type of imortality.

The weak ones are always the souls that suffer corruption. And I am not, in any way, saying it's the weak person's fault because stronger mortals can face this same detriment. It's like a beautifully haunting melody that refuses to leave the confines of your mind, constantly replaying itself. You have to be strong enough to fight the power it produces and showers on you. Whether you have to stand on your own or with another person, you can't let it push you to the brink of extincting yourself. You are already the only existing life form of yourself. No one can replace you. You are one of a kind. There isn't a single person that could copy your intelligent personality or saracastic remarks exactly the way you held them. No matter how hard anyone could ever try, they can never restore the joy you brought to so many other human beings.

Emma lies asleep in my arms and I can't help but notice the darkness. It's all around her. In the way her face is twisted as if she's in turmoil even in her sleep. In the way she denies that anything is wrong. In the way her eyes have dulled. She's not the Emma I met two months ago anymore. The darkness is picking apart at her soul and eating her alive from the inside out. The worst type of pain is pain in your head.

I'm no stranger to pain. Pain has haunted me since I was five. My no good, f.uck up of a father left me and Mum for dead, and Mum died not that long ago. When I became a teenager and I had no father to guide me, I was uncontrollable. I totally went off the wall and suffered from insanity. Now I'm stuck with insomnia. I can't sleep at night, ever.

Darkness and pain are like Bonnie and Clyde, partners in crime. Murdering people left and right as if doesn't mean a single thing. The only difference is I don't believe Bonnie and Clyde were in their right mind to do what they were doing, where darkness and pain cause people to lose their f.ucking minds. No amount of prayers to Saint Anthony can help you find that damned thing again. Darkness and pain are servants of the devil, sent to ruin everything in its path, including creatures as beautiful as Emma. Set out to destroy God's angel.

She may have everyone else fooled, but not me. Other people might not be able to see the internal conflict she's battling, but I do. I've dealt with these dilemmas myself and honestly let it destruct me. Actually, about half way through it kind of turned into self destruction. I had to reconstruct myself also. There wasn't anyone to help me along the way, I was left to do it all by myself. Hell, there's still depression f.ucking haunting me, it's why I can't sleep for shit most of the time.

Emma stirs slightly and moves to curl herself into me. I wrap my arms just a little bit tighter around her, not used to the unfamiliar feeling. I've never held a girl like this because I've never had a girlfriend, considering the fact I don't let anyone in. Emma hasn't pushed me though. I can tell there's a lot she wants to know about me, and hell after today there's a ton of shit I want to know about her. She's not trying to force emotional, pushy shit on me right now like most girls would. That's why I just get what I came for and then leave. But I don't feel the need to do that anymore. Even though Emma and I aren't officially together, I don't feel like I need sex. I can wait for her. I've just realized I know nothing about how to be in a relationship. The only stuff I know how to do is what I've learned from the movies. Oh well, I hope she'll understand.