Stuck » h.s. (UNDER EDITING)

twenty five

HARRY'S POV:

When Emma was knocking on my door this morning, I didn't answer. I knew it was her, but I don't think I could have handled seeing her face. She's just so beautiful and it always amazes me how one person can be so stunning.

But she lied to me.

She's been lying to me.

I know it has something to do with Shawn and it's obvious in danger so why won't she just let me help her? I can be there for her, protect her, love her.

Did I really just say love? I think I did.

I don't mean I'm in love with her, I just care for her. A lot.

She's captivating, funny, smart, caring, kind, gorgeous, sentimental, and so much more. Every time I'm away from her, I feel like a piece of me is missing. She makes me feel alive. There's this burning inside of me when I'm with her that wakes me up and makes me feel like I could take on the world as long as she's by my side. I find myself often not wanting to be without her, not wanting to be deprived of holding her in my arms. Whenever she's gone, that fire is no longer there and only she can ignite it. When I'm not with her I'm weaker.

She makes me strong. Stronger than I've ever been before. I've always hated myself and been weak. I might have seemed strong on the outside, but it was all just a tough guy cover up. Really, I just wanted someone to see I was broken and to love me. That's when I started believing that love doesn't exist and it's just some kind of sick joke.

Nothing I ever did was good enough for anyone. I was always too this, too that, not enough this, not enough that. Emma makes me feel like I'm perfect, even with my countless flaws. God, I was just a broken boy crying for help, and maybe Emma realized that, maybe she didn't. The fact is, she's put up with me all the same.

I don't want to let her go. I can't let her go. She's a beautiful mess. I've never wanted someone as much as I want her. Sure, I've felt lust towards someone, but not this fire. This is something entirely different. Something real.

I want her to hold on to my heart, keep me from falling apart all over again. I've always been terrified of love. I move on to stop my heart from breaking, but I just can't seem to run from Emma. I feel stuck. I know I'm not the only one, people are always trying to escape it. As each day passes with Emma, I don't feel as scared of the L word. This girl is making me start to believe in something I swore I never would again.

It sucks because I can't seem to get the words out of my mouth every time that I'm around her. And really, I don't want to waste her love on me. I'm being selfish by not letting her know how I feel. She's probably confused as ever and dammit why did I ever make this bet?

I'm sitting in the cold New York air, on a bench in Central Park. The wind is loud in my ears and I feel as if I'm naked, even though I have a large coat over me. My hair is mussed up from the force of the air whooshing around and my lips are chapped. I know I should have answered the door this morning when Emma knocked, then I wouldn't have to be sitting here miserable on a park bench, beating myself up. I know she's been lying to me and lying is wrong. It can ruin relationships because what is a relationship without trust? There isn't one.

I trust Emma, I do. I just don't trust her to take care of herself. I don't know her past, I just know that she's had a rough one. If she doesn't want to open up to me yet, then I'm not going to force her to. She can take her time. But if she's in severe danger, I can just sit around waiting for something to happen. If something ever were to happen to her and I could have prevented it, I would never ever forgive myself.

I just want to hear her voice. I want to know she made it to her mother's okay. I want to know if she's alright.

God must be paying special attention to me today because she's calling me only seconds later after the thoughts crossed through my mind.