the kissing gate | simanda ✓

24. personal

Amanda pushed open the gate to the graveyard. The kissing gate sqeaked with protest but she managed to get it open. The gate clanged shut and Amanda began to walk down the road until she found the grave she was looking for. It was her husband's grave that she was visiting and she clenched flowers in her hands.

Amanda put the flowers on top of Chris' grave and she started to trace the letters. She hadn't been to his grave for over two months because she had been so busy because of her boyfriend, Simon, and because of Britain's got Talent live shows. Amanda still missed her late husband, that never was going to go away from what she thought.

It seemed like the wound left from Chris' passing away from cancer was being healed by Simon being Amanda's boyfriend. Normally, Amanda would be crying as she traced the letters, the birth and death dates, and the passage of text on Chris' grave. The tears weren't coming and it surprised Amanda when she brought her hand up to wipe something out of her eye.

She used to always cry and when she and Simon had begun their relationship, Amanda would still cry herself to sleep some nights if the pain from missing Chris was bad and she couldn't keep it in. Simon would cuddle her if she started crying and he would calm her down until the tears subsided or Amanda fell asleep, which ever came first.

"I still miss you, Chris," Amanda spoke. "But it hurts less now. Simon's my boyfriend now and he's helping me to heal but I still miss you. I haven't been able to visit you because I've been too busy, with Simon, and with taking care of Lexi and Hollie. Simon's been making love to me now, just like you used to. He's so gentle with me like you used to be, Chris."

Amanda knew that it was silly that she still talked to her late husband's grave but it really helped. The last time she had been to Chris' grave, Amanda and Simon were only three months into their relationship and now they were nearing their six month anniversary in a week's time. Amanda took a breath and it didn't shake like it used to whenever she was at Chris' grave.

She traced the letter on his grave again and took some of the flowers, placing them on their son, Theo's grave. It had taken Amanda so long to stop mourning for the loss of her son, her only son that had been stillborn and Chris had been there for her.

It would open a new jar of hurt for Amanda if she told Simon about Theo but he already knew about the stillborn baby boy that Amanda had carried for seven months only. Simon didn't know how much Amanda had been hurting when she told him about Theo being stillborn, only Chris and Lexi had seen how much it had hurt her to have lost two children.

Theo would've been seven years old had he not wrapped his umbilical cord around his neck in the womb. The doctors tried to ressessitate Theo when he came out of Amanda but he had been gone for too long for it to work. His heart wouldn't start beating and he wouldn't breath. If Theo had lived, he would have most likely had severe cerebral palsy and learning difficulties.

Amanda got up from the two graves and she started to walk back to the gate. Simon had gotten out of the car to wait for Amanda and he was now holding the kissing gate open. They kissed softly when Amanda came out of the graveyard and Simon gave her a quick hug.

"You're not crying. You said that you would most likely come out in tears to me this morning," Simon said as they got into the car. The kids were already in the car and were engrossed in their electronics.

"I thought I was going to. I didn't cry at all when I was even thinking about Theo," Amanda replied. "I guess that the pain is going away now. Can we go home?"

"Yes," Simon replied.

×

Amanda got out of the car and went into the house, expecting the tears to come and Simon looked at her as she hurriedly went upstairs. The tears were starting to come and Lexi, Amanda's oldest daughter, came running after her mother.

Amanda sat down on the bed and Lexi sat beside her.

"You're missing Dad right now, aren't you, Mum?" Lexi asked and she gave Amanda a hug, leaning into Amanda's arms.

"Yes. Do you still miss him, Lexi?" Amanda replied and then questioned. She put her arms around Lexi and pulled both of them back into a lying position on the bed. Lexi put her head onto Amanda's chest, a habit formed when she was younger and needed comforting.

"Yes, I do still miss Dad a lot because he was my Dad," Lexi replied. "I wish he was still around, even if he was in and out of hospital but you're so happy with Simon now that I'm not sure I wish Dad was still here."

"I wish your father was still around too but I am happy with Simon. He makes me laugh and feel good," Amanda said, cracking a smile as her tears started to slow down.

"Like making you feel good in bed?" Lexi joked. "I've heard you and Simon. You're not very quiet even when Simon tells you to be, Mum."

"Simon does make me feel good in bed," Amanda confirmed blushing bright red. "You've heard us?"

"Yes because you're loud even when you're supposed to be quiet because of where my room is," Lexi replied. "It kind of funny."

"No it isn't," Amanda replied, blushing still. "What do you think of Simon being my boyfriend?"

"He's awesome," Lexi responded. "He's really good for you, Mum." She blushed and then continued, "do you think he would let Hollie and I call him Dad when we're ready?"

"I'm sure he would love that if you asked and he would get a kick out of it," Amanda replied to her daughter, brushing Lexi's hair out of her face so they could continue talking.

[] hey guys! Touching chapter for today. So Lexi wants to start calling Simon dad! What do you think is going to happen next and what did you love about this chapter? Bye until the next chapter!