By The Way, I Taste Like Garlic

II. How to train your Vampire

"Satan, I think he might be dead."

Declan felt himself waking up, the sounds and senses all rushing back to him like a tidal wave.

"No Beelzebub, his clothes aren't a chew toy."

He expected pain in his torso from the gaping wound from before but only found a dull ache and a lot of numbness.

"What do you think Anubis? Is he gone? Should I ready a bodybag?"

Then he felt something sharp gnawing on his arm, that woke him up. He jerked up with a start, tearing his hand from the maw of... A tabby cat.

"Oh!" Anoinette exclaimed with the same stoic look as always. "Good job Gar the Destroyer, though hopefully you didn't drink any blood, you might become Gar the destroyer vampire cat or something."

"Shit." The actual vampire swore, cradling his hand which was hadn't started bleeding until a bit later.

His head snapped up to meet with the gaze of the girl who was cradling a familiar black hissing cat and a calm white one.

"Good evening." She greeted, petting both of her cats and truly looking like a crazy cat lady. "You'll have to deal with that one on your own." She looked at the wound on his hand. "You finished up all of my bandages and medical things, so yeah."

His eyes narrowed and he lunged for her.

The speed was incredible, in an instant was he pinning her down on the floor. The cats had reacted with a loud hiss and jumped away, the girl however was just blinking up at him.

Without another word did he bare his fangs, lifting her chin up forcefully and aiming for her throat.

"Finally." He thought to himself, feeling incredibly cocky now that he was on the way to recovery.

He leaned in...

Then something sprayed all over his face, blinding and stinging him.

"FUCK!" He swore again, much louder as he recoiled. "What did you do to me?"

Anoinette slowly sat up, spray bottle in hand. Then she clicked her tongue. "Tsk. Tsk. What did we learn about respect?"

He growled, reaching out blindly to grab her only to get his hand sprayed on. Resulting in more colorful language.

"We'll have to work on filtering your speech as well." Anoinette stood and dusted her shorts. "My cats ears are sensitive to bad language, so watch it."

"What is this?" He asked again, suddenly in panic that his sight hadn't come back yet. "Why can't I see!?"

"It's cat pee."

"WHAT THE FU-"

"I'm just kidding, it's holy water." She waved the bottle around with a small smirk on her face, as if it made so much more sense and wasn't still weird as hell that she had it.

"And why exactly do you have holy water in a spray bottle?" He wiped his eyes, bewildered at how much trouble this teenage girl was. "Are you a priestess?"

Rule #2: Holy Water can harm a vampire but it is almost impossible to kill one with it, it mostly acts as a repellant.

"Nope." She said, popping the 'p' sound. "I'm just not stupid like you are."

Declan opened a single crimson eye, glaring at her. "What did you just say to me?"