Disorder // styles

twenty-six

"I wish I told you when I had the chance - how your eyes light up at the mention of animals, how you smile about the simple things, how you're so goddamn beautiful even if you never will believe me. God, I wish I told you how you are my everything before we parted."

-----

November 10, 2014 - 5:55 -

I was transferred to a hospital in London, being told that I was on the brink of death and that I had a choice: I could go to the hospital and get "fucking better" or "rot in this hell hole". I'm so glad they understood that it was a hell hole, that place was. To be perfectly honest, I feel just fine. Better than ever, really. Maybe it's a side effect of dying - feeling fine.

I wanted to write a long entry today, who knows when I'll write again. Maybe I can write in hell - or heaven, whichever one I go to. (if they exist - i've never been one to be religious)

Harry left back in late October. I had learned this from his roommate. He had recovered and had been brought back to a healthy weight of 156 pounds. How that happened - I don't know. Last I remember hearing he was only around 109 - 111. But who am I to question his miraculous recovery? I have a theory, though.. that he somehow tricked the scale and hopped a bit at the last minute to add more pressure.

So here I sit in a nice fancy bed with little to no visitors due to my lack of friendships and family I still keep in contact with. 

I thought I saw Harry in the hall; but it probably wasn't even him.

Sincerely,

Rae

------

November 11, 2014 -19:19-

Today I brought lunch to my friend, Zayn. He and I used to be in a band together - a stupid little high school band that no one cared for. One Direction - we called ourselves. It was such a stupid idea, though. Thinking we could get it all with one ugly member in the group - me. Zayn works as a doctor, which I had laughed to when he mentioned his new career choice. I only laughed because he had a habit of smoking (and drinking from time to time). I owe Zayn my life, really. He was the one that practically forced me to join the Karing Society. 

He and I spoke briefly, filling each other in with things that had happened while I was "away". I was glad to find that he never told a soul about my appearance in rehab for an eating disorder - my mother would have emancipated me a second time if she ever found out from a random blabber mouth. He told me about a patient with a similar problem that I had - saying she was thinner than his iPhone. 

"There's a new patient - has an eating disorder like you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I was thinking that you'd want to fill them in with your story of recovery. Y'know, to let them know that it's possible."

"I don't know.."

"Please? C'mon, she's skinnier than my iPhone, Harry."

"Okay."

Love Always, 

Harry

-----

One of the few chapters that I am making over 500 words :3 

Don't be scared <3

- Hannah xoxo