Endless Love [a.i]

Chapter 1

~Endless Love~

Diana's P.O.V

I woke up again, maybe the fifth time this night. I didn't know why I kept counting, though. It seems that I often find myself counting, like if it's going to help me in some way or it's going to solve anything. Everything just keeps going in circles around my head; these past nights. I been mostly thinking about every insulate anyone has ever said to me. I keep going back to the finger pointing, the name calling, the same bullshit I been going through for sometime now.

I was done with it all. But nobody has notice, I guess. Jocelyn has texted me for what it seemed like the a hundred time. She keeps check on me. She scared... I honestly don't why? It's wired how she's the only one who seems to care these days about me. My family, more likely to say what family? I have a long time I don't know what that means anymore.

Jocelyn is the only thing I have close to it, since the day we met we became best friends more like sisters... Sometimes I feel she's the only one that I have and sometime I feel she's only my friend cause she feels pity for me. I wouldn't blame her, I feel sorry for myself... I don't care anymore, a simple blade to me is no harm it's more like something that sets me free, something that makes me feel like I'm actually alive. Jocelyn understands me, she once was in my same foots steps except she never thought of ending her life.

It really doesn't matter to me if I do or not, my family wouldn't even bother to care if I can call them family and Jocelyn she would probably be able to be one of those popular girls that always try to talk to her but she rejects them cause she knows they bully me.

Jocelyn stopped cutting and she feels she can make me stop but I tell her what's the point, if I'm worthless. What's the point of trying to save someone that doesn't want to be saved... She only answers me back with, "your screaming in the inside for help and I'll always be here for you." But what if I don't want her to be here for me. No one else is?

She's just wasting her time on a foolish girl like me. But the only thing I can think of is all those moving vampier mouth happiness sucker, that feed there happiness out of other peoples tears.

I got another text and of course, it was Jocelyn who else would have my number. I didn't open it but I saw the notification on the lock screen but what's the point one more message that I won't be bothering to look at. She was asking me if I was going to school, but what for? I'm only taking up more space in a place nobody wants me... Or may that's just how I felt. I sat on the edge of my bed looking out the window.

The sunshine peaked through my thin white window curtain, it was honestly the most beautiful sun rises I have ever seen or maybe it's just that I'm never awake to see one. It made me smile. I smiled, can you believe that? Me the girl with more than 25 scares and 20 more fresh ones from last night, actually smiled.

Jocelyn can't know or see my cuts she would probably give me this long lecture on how it's pointless to cut myself but it's pointless just as my Iife is. It's still not 8:00 am and my mom is already yelling at me from downstairs, it's like whatever I do can't make her happy or at least proud of me but I don't blame her either. I'm not proud of myself...

Since the moment I started to cut so did my grades. I was always the A student in my classroom and I was bullied for that too. It's like if the whole school had something agents me. I didn't know why? But I was starting to get use to it.

You know, just as my pain when I cut. Sometimes I don't even feel it so I cut more and sometimes even more deeper than others. "Diana, get down here in this instant!" The familiar voice of my mother came from downstairs.