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Chapter 24--Throw Your Middle Finger Up To Society

Logan

I stayed home the rest of break. Sur and I would take a few rides in my new car, but I didn't go out so much. Veronica stayed home too. Except on New Year's she said she was going to go out with some old friends. While she's getting ready, Hudson decides to come into my room as I play some videogames.

As lame as it may sound, spending my break playing videogames is glorious. I haven't had a console in so long. It was a guilty pleasure I never bought when I was cut off because the money would go into Sur. Plus, playing videogames gets my thoughts out of thinking. It's a great to dull and dumb out. Especially with everything that has been going on recently.

Hudson walks into my room, Cap'n quickly running inside and taking position on my pillow. She paws a few times before curling around to sleep. Sur sits up and walks towards Hudson where he starts sniffing his leg.

"Whatcha doing in here nerd?" I ask him. My fingers clicking away at the controls.

"Waiting for your sister to finish getting ready." Hudson takes a seat on my bed. I'm sitting on my old beanbag that keeps squeaking whenever I move around in it. When I was a kid, I used to love this bean bag. Now it's just not comfortable but I'm too lazy to move and the angle is perfect.

"Hand me a remote and add me," He says tapping my shoulder.

I pause the game, looking up at him curiously. "You play?"

Hudson gives me a deadpan look, "Just because I studied a lot in college doesn't mean I wouldn't do other things."

I smile softly, grabbing the spare and handing it to him. For a few seconds, we play in silence. Then Hudson goes and opens his big mouth, "Vero and I noticed the tension in the room the night your friends were here."

I visibly cringe and bite my lip ring. Harper and I stayed far away from each other. I made sure to sit by Mason and did my best not to talk or even look at Harper. The tension between us was obvious but the Weirdos didn't seem to notice because the most awkward person in the room was Mason. He felt so out of place that I felt bad for him. Half-way through an episode of Game of Thrones, I told him he and I could go play some videogames. Honestly, I wanted to get out of the room too. Just being near Harper was constricting enough.

Even after all my friends left, all I've been able to think about is Harper. I wake up thinking about her, I think of her when I'm eating lunch, hell, I've had dreams and I'm not proud but damn. No matter what I do she keeps sprouting in my head like a catchy commercial tune.

It's not that the kiss was bad. In fact, it was amazing. Her lips were so soft, yet I felt like I was on fire. When my nose brushed on her cheek I could feel how cold she was, but her lips were warm. She tasted like the key lime pie she had for dessert. The tears from her crying made her cheeks puffy and eyes red yet she still managed to look beautiful in all the ruined make up.

I wanted to be the bigger man and step away. But when she kissed me I froze. I wanted it. I still want it. It made everything inside me feel warm and full. I forgot about my surroundings because I stopped thinking. All my brain could focus on was the way her lips moved with mine.

And then I wanted more. I want so much more. I wanted to hold her close to me, touch her body, and kiss her harder. Yet, when she touched me I knew that it couldn't happen. It felt like the glass wall in my mind shattered and reality started ringing in my head like an alarm. A strong wave of guilt suddenly hit me and fear crashed into my chest where only a few moments ago my heart felt like it had stopped.

I haven't been able to shake the guilt ever since. Now whenever I think of Harper I also think of Vincent. I'm the middle-man. The monster that's going to ruin everything. Hell, I probably have ruined everything. I can't do that. I can't be that. I should have just taken Veronica's advice.