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Chapter 31--The Misfits of the Misfits

Harper

It's the way he looked at me that made me realize just how much I messed up. When Logan realized Vincent and I were still together, I could visibly see the pain in his eyes. When I admitted we never broke up, I saw the instant flicker of hatred. I was watching a silent cartoon and his heart broke right in front of me.

The worst part is, his anger wasn't directed at me. I thought he would have yelled or call me names. I expected him to hate me, but instead I saw the way he deflected it all on himself. It was when I saw a small tear roll down his face that I realized just how dumb I am.

It was the first time I saw him since his apartment. I thought maybe I could do it. I could tell him about how Vincent was going to propose and that I didn't have much choice in the matter. But when I saw him, all the memories flooded in. It's so hard to look someone in the eye when all you can feel is love. That's the thing, I meant it when I said I love him. I guess I just didn't expect him to fall apart...

Which is why I couldn't sleep the whole night. I tossed and turned in my bed trying to get the image of Logan walking away out of my head.

I hope you're happy, he said sincerely.

I thought it would have come out toxic. The way people angrily say those four words. But not Logan. He meant it. He really hoped that I was happy and that I made the right decision for myself.

I ended up crying silently as Beth snored lightly on the other end of the room. My own heart felt like it was breaking for Logan. Four words kept ringing through my head: What have I done?

"Hey," I say walking into the studio. This morning zoomed by as I nervously got dressed for dance. The pit of my stomach churns over as I look around for Logan. The rest of the Misfits are already sitting around and stretching.

"Well you look like shit," Kris doesn't bother sugarcoating.

I did acknowledge as I left my dorm that I do indeed look terrible. The stress has taken my appetite and the not eating has made me look paler than usual. I couldn't bother to shower last night leaving my hair a tinge greasy. I'm pretty sure I look like a zombie, but I can't find a reason to care.

"I know," I look down at the floor as I toss my backpack to the side.

"Well now that you're here," Mikala stands up. "Let's get a few moves in before all the newbies show up."

Ever since the studio has expanded, the Misfits and I haven't had much time to ourselves in the studio. We're the OG dancers here at Bloom Boulevard, which is why we came up with the idea of arriving thirty minutes prior to regular class times. The other dancers don't seem to mind. Most of them just think we carpool.

I frown, the sinking feeling deepening in my stomach. I bite my lip. Hesitation setting in. Nervously fiddling with my fingers just under my breath I manage to ask, "What about Lo?"

"He's not here," Dan carelessly says.

A tinge of panic hits me. "Where is he?"

"Vacation. Why?" Mikala narrows her eyes on me instantly picking up my worrisome tone. Her eyebrow raises as she reads me like an open book. "What do you know that we don't?"

My mouth opens but no words manage to escape. Everyone turns to look at me with creased foreheads as I keep my fish-out-of-water expression. The feeling of wanting to cry starts to arise again. I can't look at them with the same confidence I've been able to the last few months. Everything around me feels like it's tearing down and I only have myself to blame.

I messed up my friendship with Logan even though I did want more. I ruined my relationship with Vincent because the guilt of cheating on him is constantly weighing on my back. I can't talk to Mrs. Sanders about cheating on her son. The last thing I want is to lose my closest friends too. I know exactly who's side they're going to take.