Played For A Fool

Confusion is My Middle Name

Adrenaline rushed through Kai's veins as he sped towards the Commonwealth hospital. He had never driven so fast. Not when his Dad entered the final stage of Letumosis, or when he was trying to find Cinder and discovered her at the Darnel's. Never.

Kai had always hated people who drove over the speed limit, endangering both themselves and the people around them. He disliked rule breakers in general, and Kai would have never thought that he would be going twelve over, but he was.

Pain, denial, and guilt throbbed through Kai, just as surely as Winter's sobs flowed through the car. They had all taken the news of Cinder's accident in different ways, though Kai thought that Winter seemed to be taking it hardest, which was understandable. She had just found her cousin, only to lose her again, and in the same manner.

When Kai had told both Winter and Iko of Cinder's accident, Winter had collapsed on the ground, her entire body racked with hysterical crying. She had sat there, hunched over her knees, sobbing, and occasionally letting out a wolf's howl. It had only been when Iko uttered comforting words to her that they had been able to get her off the floor and into Kai's car.

Iko had taken the matter in a completely different way. Instead of falling to the ground crying, she had first rushed to Kai, and enveloped him in the tightest hug she could manage. She had told him that Cinder would be alright, and that she was a fighter. She said it ask with so much certainty,  though she couldn't look him in she eye as she said the words, and her hands shook terribly.

She had then comforted Winter in a way that only Iko could. She had even convinced her to get off the floor, which was a small miracle in itself. Iko had been the glue to keep them from falling apart in their horrible situation. She had been the support system when her best friend was dying in a cold, white hospital room all by herself.

The image of Cinder alone, and slowly bleeding out was more than Kai could bear. It was a picture that haunted him with guilt. Why hadn't he gone straight to the Rampion instead of Winter's just like his gut had told him? Why couldn't one thing go right in his life for once? Why was he so destined to be alone?

Kai felt as though he were cursed, and his prison was the thing that scared him the most: being alone.

It wasn't as though Kai could hang out by himself over the weekend while both his father and Torrin were absent. He was fine to be by himself, but the thought of being alone in the world terrified him. Maybe that was why he felt so connected to Cinder.

Have you ever felt so alone that you can't breathe? So alone, that you feel as though you're drowning in your thoughts, screaming for help, but no one hears you over their own distraction?

That had been what Cinder had said to him only a few days before when he had found her alone and crying in her garage. He still didn't know why she had been so distraught, but the pain in her voice and eyes had pierce Kai like a sword. He had never known someone to be so lonely and sad. He had never known anyone that had that much heartbreak. He had never known someone so broken.

Cinder was broken in a way that Kai had never known before. He had seen so many broken people (being a Doctor's son) from those who had broken their arms, to others who had just lost a family member to Letumosis. Those were two different kinds of broken. Those people had been broken of the body and heart, but Cinder was soul-crushed.

Cinder was destroyed from the inside out, but she never let anyone see. She would never show that she was afraid. She would never let anyone know how bad she was hurting. She let everyone think that she was so strong, while in reality she was barely holding on. Cinder was dying on the inside, and she never told a single person.