| SEA

deux.

i'm still looking at the desert
i want to have the sea, i gulped you all down.

hoseok woke up with a pounding headache and a jittery stomach, the light hurt when he opened his eyes, and he honestly had no clue where he was. he felt weigh on his hand and lap before looking down carefully to see seokjin's face against his lap and hand, he attempted to smile, but he couldn't find himself to, he was too weak. the blonde opened his mouth to speak before whining out of pain, his head was pounding. why was he even still alive? that's the real question, who brought him here and why?

"s-sukie," he muttered out, scrunching his face up in pain, he was nauseous and seokjin was an extreme heavy sleeper unless he was uncomfortable or worried, he'd hate to vomit all over him so would this eventually work out in his favor.. you know since he's here and all. seokjin still didn't budge and the younger sighed,  he squeezed seokjin's hand to the tightest of his ability, "sukie." he mumbled again.

low and behold, his sukie, seokjin is awake, his eyes shot opened before directing his eyes over to his face, his dull face lighting up. hoseok wanted to smile at him so bad, he wanted to thank him for being here, but he couldn't feel it, he didn't want to be alive in the first place, he did this for a reason so why was he still here? why was seokjin so happy to see him? who did this? this wasn't fair. he had no purpose to be alive, there was nothing left for him, seokjin was successful on his own and yoongi had two boys who loved and cherished him deeply. hoseok had nothing. absolutely nothing.

"you're awake," seokjin sighed out as he sat up, kissing hoseok's hand. the blond pursed his lips as he said it and it caught his attention, with furrowed eyebrows he asked, "why didn't you tell me?"

"if i told you i wouldn't have gone through with it. i didn't want you on my mind." hoseok admitted bluntly and as much as it hurt seokjin tried to understand where he was coming from, seokjin never dealt with depression so he never knew what the mindset was like.

seokjin nodded and sighed softly, "i could've helped you, seokie, i could've tried to talk you out of it. i would've stopped my show right then and came to you. without any doubt in my mind, no matter what i'm doing i'll come running to you."

"that's why, seokjin," hoseok muttered, closing his eyes as he tilted his head back against the pillows, "i didn't want you to come running, i didn't want you to talk me out of it because i have no place here. i'm what you would call the bottom of the food chain. i'm scum and there's nothing left for me here, i have nothing to live for."

seokjin scoffed breathlessly, looking at hoseok in disbelief, "nothing to live for?" he eyes, "seokie, you have so much to live for," said he, "you're a dancer, an actor, you can fucking sing. you have so much to accomplish and you're here for a reason you're not dead because you can't go out without finding your true self and what fate allies for you. i fucking love you so much and i don't know what i'd do without you, i can't even be away from you during a show because all i want is you by my side. i'm so happy yoongi got you when he did."

"it was yoongi?" hoseok asked before shaking his head, "god, that—"

seokjin interrupted, "that's not the point, hoseok—"

"like hell thats not the fucking point, i'm so over this shit. why won't you just fucking respect—" and there it was, hoseok covered his mouth and reached for the nearby bin before throwing up as he's long awaited for from the nausea to him moving quickly it was all too much at once. he felt a hand soothingly rubbing his back and he felt bad for ignoring seokjin, but this wasn't his business. he should just accept the fact that hoseok didn't want to be here anymore and there was nothing that he could really do.

"are you alright?" seokjin asked softly, peering over the younger's shoulder.

"yes, just peachy." he snapped, placing the bin back down and lying on the side he was leaning on, facing away from seokjin.

seokjin's eyes watered as he looked over to hoseok, he hated seeing him like this. he leaned back in his seat and looked down at his lap.

he didn't just want to sit here and look at him. he didn't want to just standby knowing that he's suffering on the inside, he wanted to take hoseok's hand and give him a meaning, a meaning that he needed to understand for himself.

a nurse entered the room and seokjin stood to politely greet her with the bow of his head, "how are you feeling, hoseok-ssi?" she asked softly.

hoseok looked at her, opening his mouth to speak, "he's fine. just a little nauseous, but i assume that's normal, no?" seokjin answered for him with a light smile, she looked at him confusingly and nodded before looking to hoseok who let out a sigh of annoyance.

"and who are you?" she asked.

"his fiancé." seokjin said softly, keeping his smile as he looked over to hoseok.

"what?" the blonde hissed, looking between him and the nurse.

the woman chuckled softly and nodded, "well luckily you're here, here's his new prescription and make sure he takes them twice a week and with a meal," seokjin nodded and carefully grabbed the bottle from her, "don't give him anything too heavy or flavorful, due to being pumped he most likely won't handle a full meal and we wouldn't want to mess up his stomach. put him on around next week." the nurse explained and seokjin flashed her another smile before watching her walk away.

"come on, we're leaving." he said to hoseok.

"whatever," he sighed, getting up from the bed before wobbling slightly, grabbing the wall for support. seokjin rushed over to the younger who stopped him with a shaky hand, "i'm fine," he breathed out.

seokjin ignored him and wrapped wrapped his arm around his waist, pulling him as close as he could, "hoseok just let me help you, baby, please," he pleaded, "i can't lose you, i'll do anything please."

"seokjin, just take me home," hoseok whispered, hiding his face in the crook his neck, "i just wanna go home."