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i don't know i don't know if i'm feeling the waves in this moment or not. i don't know i don't know if i'm still chased by the sandstorm or not.
hoseok awoken, he couldn't feel the warmth next to him anymore. still in his curled up state he felt around the bed, he opened his eyes and seokjin wasn't there, he grew worried while he looked around. he wasn't there, "s-seokjin!?" he called out, "sukie!" he shouted again.
he sat up and backed up against the headboard, taking deep breaths to calm him down, the waves in his body crashed against each other, full of worry. he quickly got out of bed and walked out, he held onto the rails and ran downstairs without looking at where he was going he crashed into the arms of the man he was looking for, hugging him tightly as seokjin hugged him back, kissing his head, "i'm here, what's wrong? are you okay?"
"you left me," hoseok said, seokjin sighed softly and kissed his head.
"i'm sorry, i went to make you some food for when you wake up," he pouted at how tight the younger's grip became, "i didn't mean to scare you." he said softly. hoseok nodded understandably and looked up to him, "wanna watch me cook for you? i know you like it." he chuckled and hoseok smiled softly. the blond liked watching seokjin do things he thoroughly enjoyed in general, he liked the way his face lit up and he enjoyed how he would never shut up.
"hyung," he called out softly, "i hope you don't start babying me because of this, i know i'll have to depend on you a little more from now on until i'm fully recovered, but.. i'm still jung hoseok, i'm twenty three, not five." seokjin nodded and hoseok looked around awkwardly, "can you um, maybe, carry me? to the kitchen?"
seokjin laughed and picked hoseok up as asked, hoseok felt safe in his arms. hoseok was in a place where he'd date seokjin and had thought about it, but he loved what they had now, he loved the fact that seokjin was his best friend, his everything. he was here with him now and though he was a complete assdick earlier he was still here trying to help him to the best of his capabilities. hoseok was sat on the counter, thinking deeply, if it weren't for yoongi he'd be dead, if it weren't for yoongi none of the people he were friends with now could live with themselves. just from sitting here, not doing anything seokjin was happy to see him, happy to see that he was living.
but why didn't hoseok feel the same?
he felt the breathing was actually him suffocating, like he was drowning, he wasn't flowing like some elegant sea as seokjin would always describe it as, it felt like he was the complete opposite. hoseok was a desert with little to none resources. fighting for his life and losing.
"so, tomorrow, i want you to make a list of things that you've always wanted to do, but not just anything, things that genuinely make you happy, something that you'll remember for a lifetime." seokjin voiced, placing a piece of toast on the plate aside light eggs.
"so a bucket list." hoseok said, watching the older male.
"bucket list of happiness," seokjin smiled , handing hoseok his plate, the younger bowed to him and placed the plate on his lap, "hoseok, you're being respectful?"
"am i never?"
"i mean, you said i was shaped like a slice of pizza and threw a pillow at face." seokjin reminded with a small nudge, hoseok covered his mouth and laughed, seokjin gasped and removed his hand, "you laughed? a smile?" hoseok shook his head as seokjin nodded his in response, "i see it right now though."
hoseok looked away and seokjin began to laugh as well, "you're embarrassed, that's cute," seokjin said, sliding a hand underneath hoseok's chin, "you can smile in front of me."
"hyung," hoseok chuckled, "you're being more cheesy than usual."
"ah, but you're not pushing me away." said seokjin, grabbing hoseok's plate and sitting it to the side, "are you?"
hoseok's breath hitched as he watched seokjin closely, his movements were smoother, he was more touchy and it only came down to answer as to why other than he was flirting, but perhaps he wanted a kiss. hoseok wasn't sure if he wanted it, but if seokjin were to do it he wouldn't push him away, he never knew what to do since they didn't kiss that much nor were they really intimate.
hoseok's smile faded as seokjin's did, it took him a while to realize that they were settling in silence, but hoseok felt something different, he could hear the steady sounds of seokjin breathing as his face neared his, he could hear the soft whirring of the air conditioner, and the soft crashes in his head, like an angry wave clashing against a rocky during a storm or was it the sound of the strong winds of a sandstorm he couldn't escape.
hoseok closed his eyes as seokjin leaned closer, but the door opened, causing seokjin to move away and hoseok sighed at the loss of closeness he felt with seokjin. hoseok opened and looked to see yoongi along with jimin behind him. hoseok had a lot to say to yoongi, none actually had anything to do with a thank you, but yoongi literally saved his life, so it would only be right to be polite from possible saving him from something that he could regret.
yoongi greeted hoseok with a wide smiled, "hoseokie," he breathed out, quickly walking over to him and hugging him tightly, "thank god you're okay."
yeah, sure hoseok thought, he didn't see what the hype was about, he's still here, big woop. it's not like he wanted to be anyway. the blonde hugged yoongi back nonetheless and sighed, "thank you for saving me, hyung." hoseok said softly.
yoongi pulled away and nodded as jimin walked up to hug hoseok as well, "how are you holding up?" he asked softly and hoseok shrugged because he truly didn't know whether he was okay or not.
hoseok always had a problem with finding himself, not knowing anything to say about himself that wasn't negative. it was an issue he's always had from a child until now, he hated it dearly and it would worry everyone around him, but he just truly couldn't every find ways to describe his current emotion or himself. he believed he wasn't special or worth it, he didn't know his place here and he didn't understand it. many people would say he had friends, but sometimes his world was so dark that it would just be him suffering in silence to not disturb anyone else. he wished it wasn't so hard, maybe he wouldn't have attempted.
