Behind the Scenes

Chapter 2

  And, so I sat reminiscing on how far
Van and I have come, every dream we had, every memory we shared, every story we told, how can two souls so connected be so distant? It's been three days, but, she hasn't called, she wouldn't pick any of mine, I am starting to think my messages don't get delivered, if they did, how could she be so cruel to ignore doing the simple honour of replying? Did it really have to end this way, but you see, I had to tell her the truth. How could she allow a mere guy she met just a month ago come between us? We've been friends since Childhood, we went to the same school all through, and now we are in Ss3, did she really want us to end such marvellous years as strangers? Did we really come this far for nothing? I haven't gotten myself to eat for the past three days, nothing seemed right.
  "Mee, you have to eat, I don't want to know who hurt who, who did what. I thought you were a Christian, forgiveness is in your Bible, it's something mandatory." My mum called out from the kitchen. I was going to reply her but knowing fully well that my words will fail me once again like they've been doing for the couple of days, I chose to keep shut, that option seemed wiser, probably safer, I mean really, that could help end the conversation right? How could she understand? She thinks I am the demon here, I wish she could see that it's also because I am a Christian that I am hurting this much. You thought I was a Christian? I think I just found Christ, I just became one, nothing else could have pricked me into confessing all that to Van, fully knowing the consequences. But, you see, these burdens are getting heavier, I am only human.
"Mee, you can't hear your name again or what? Or you feel I can't beat you any more? You've now grown wings? I'm not buying drugs for any ulcer, so you better come and eat now!" My mum shouted, now with an angry tone.
I came to the kitchen, picked up my food, smiled slyly and said thank you. I was walking back to my room when I heard my name, "Mee, come back, I want to talk to you. Come sit". That was my mother, I had to be in control, this woman birthed me, she'd know when I lie, atleast, so I thought.
I covered my food with another Plate knowing how long this would take, also knowing that I may not feel like eating this food anymore after the "talk", not like I wanted to eat anyway.
Dragging the stool next to her, I sat down, my eyes darting north, East, West and south, not knowing what exactly to say, "this is going to be one hell of an awkward conversation" I said to myself. "Ngwa, why have you been acting this way? I don't think it's just because you had a misunderstanding with Vanessa, you have been friends since like forever, I'm sure you've had fights, why is this one different? Why is it taking so long to see her here? You don't even visit anyone anymore, am I missing a part of this story? What exactly is wrong with you?" She asked so many questions I didn't know which to answer, I kept nodding like an Agama lizard, I didn't want to tell her. I wasn't sure she's ready for the truth. What truth? The fact that her "perfect daughter" just had an abortion? The truth about why Van is truly mad at me, that I now reek so bad to her, I wonder if Van is the only one who perceives this stench, I pray she is. I hoped she hasn't gone to publish my story to the world. I now have to wear my sins and thankfully only Van sees it, and from the way Van treats me, I don't want to ever tell another soul, not even you mum, I trust no one.
"Yes? I'm waiting for an answer!" My mum said to bring me back. The way she commands with authority is so scary, does she even care about me or is just concerned about her image? Don't worry woman, this is all me, my image is what is spoilt and I think you should blame yourself, you married him. "No ma, I am fine, thank you for asking". I truly was breaking, but, that line has been in my head since forever, just keep saying "I'm fine", it'd kill their curiosity, "smile, it'd keep their so many questions at bay", my brain told me and so I obeyed. "Are you sure?" She asked like my words weren't convincing enough. "Yes ma, I am, Van and I would be fine and back to normal in no time." I said reassuring her, I couldn't even bring myself to believe these very words. I quickly hugged her, to end this conversation, to distract her before she sees the tears in my eyes. "Alright, my child, if you say so. Just try and eat." She said, I'm not sure if that was out of love or another routine of playing "the perfect mother". "Thank you ma." I said, taking my food straight to the room. I dropped it on the the table, and sat, staring blankly at the ceiling, I don't know what exactly I was thinking of but I know I wasn't there, my mind was on an endless journey. I thought on how to get my stuff back together, I mean tomorrow is Monday, I just have to find a way of acting okay in school. No one must suspect a thing even though I could still see the sting of hatred in Van's eyes in my imagination, somehow, as much as I wanted to set things right, I wasn't sure I wanted to meet her tomorrow. If God condemns people for their wrongs the way Van does, then I don't know who is worthy of being alive.