Train Wreck

Chapter Eleven: Him

It was Saturday morning and as I was making my breakfast, I remembered I had my date that night. I suddenly became very nervous. What if it went all wrong? What if the date was terrible? What if I made a fool of myself? What if she found out about Maddie? That scared me the most. If she found out about her. I then felt guilty as hell because I felt like I was lying to Nevada by not telling her who she was going out with. It felt like I should give her some sort of notion of the kind of person I was but that would only destroy everything and I wanted to see how this one date went. To give myself one night of some happiness. I know I didn't deserve it but, it was only one night.
I finished making my eggs and then sat down by the window and stared out into the town. It was a small town. Nothing too fancy but nothing too shabby either. It was a good community I guess, although I felt they lacked a lot of resources in the mental health department. They needed more psychologists, in my opinion.

Suddenly, there was a knock on my door and I swallowed down the last of my eggs and walked over to the door. The knock grew louder and became harder. They seemed like they were in a hurry.
"Hold on, I'm coming!" I shouted as I began unlocking the door. I instantly regretted not looking through the peephole first because if I had, I wouldn't have gone anywhere near the door.

"Heather? What the fuck are you doing here!?" I questioned angrily. She put up her hands and started waving them.
"Easy. I'm not here to start chaos. I just felt like.... I just felt like I owed you an apology and an explanation," she mumbled and stared down at her feet. I was pretty sure my head was as red as a tomato from frustration and anger. I laughed.
"Yeah, um, no thanks Heather. I don't want your bullshit of an apology nor your excuses. Just cut it. Bye," I growled and was about to close my door until she stuck out her foot and stopped the door. I heard a soft little 'ow' from her as she moved her foot away from the door.
"Please. Give me ten minutes. That's all I ask of you Roman, and if you still want me to leave after then I will. I promise," she begged and gave me her puppy eyes she used to give me all the time. I was never able to say no to her adorable puppy face and I still couldn't. So I let her in.

Heather thanked me then followed me in the door and looked around. She went over to the window and smiled.
"You have a beautiful view of the town from here. Lucky," she said. I rolled my eyes and started making myself coffee without offering her any. Maybe I was being a bitch but she deserved it after what she did to me.
"You're ten minutes start now," I muttered. She released the breath she was holding in and then straightened her clothes.
"Ok. Well, Roman, I didn't ignore you for no specific reason. And I can't even apologize enough for what I did to you. You needed me and someone to talk to and I broke up with you at the most inconvenient time possible." I scoffed. So far, she was doing terrible at explaining why she left. Heather glared at me and I sighed and told her to continue.

"Two years before Maddie died, right before we met actually, my cousin Sam died. In a car accident. A car that I was driving. He was around the same age as Maddie," she choked. My eyes widened as she told me this. She never told me about Sam before. I was shocked to hear.

Heather looked up at the ceiling and excused herself as she a took a minute, trying to prevent tears from spilling.
"When I heard about Maddie I was... shocked. When we went to her funeral I started getting flashbacks to Sam's death and his funeral and I just couldn't take it. I knew if I stayed with you, the pain wouldn't stop and I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. I'm so sorry that I just abandoned you. I was so selfish and I understand if you can never forgive me," she cried. A sob escaped her lips and then she couldn't stop. I didn't want to go comfort her but she made me feel bad. So I walked over and took her into my arms. I rubbed her back and told her to calm down. I was so angry with her for not just telling me the reason she had to go. I was furious with her for not contacting me later on and explaining. But I understand the pain she felt. I just wish she had told me.
"Heather, I'm not going to say what you did was okay, because it wasn't. But I understand how you feel about Sam. But you should have told me. Running off without an explanation isn't ok. Maybe it's for a couple of days or a week but when that time turns into 6 months, then running away like that is NOT okay," I told her. She nodded her head and agreed with me.

I went and grabbed Heather a glass of water and then sat down on the sofa with her. She took the glass and gulped it down. We sat in silence for a while.
"The reason I'm showing up now is that I found a box full of your old things. I then told myself it was time to explain to you why and try to make amends." I sighed and folded my hands together.
"How did you even find out where I lived?" I questioned.
"Your mom told me," she mumbled. Of course, my mother was going to tell her. That woman would forgive anybody no matter what they did. Except murdering people, of course.
"Of course she did. Well, I can't forgive you, Heather. At least not now. It'll take time. A lot of time," I told her. She nodded and said she understood.
"Would you like to maybe go out for dinner tonight? To catch up?" she inquired.
"No. I can't. I have a date tonight." Heather looked at me and looked surprised. Which she shouldn't have been. I was moving on with the romantic part of my life, and she wasn't a part of it. She had to accept that.

"Oh, I see. Well, good luck tonight then. I hope it goes well," she smiled trying to seem happy for me but she was failing. Hard.

I walked her to the door and she hugged me one last time.
"Goodbye Roman," she choked. I waved to her and then she disappeared down the hall. I closed the door and sighed deeply. I was so frustrated and overwhelmed. I had to get myself together and prepare myself for the date. I had to be okay for the date. I had to be okay for Nevada.

*

I stood in front of the mirror, looking at myself and trying not to criticize every aspect of me. I was wearing my black jeans with a white shirt that I hadn't worn in ages. I fixed my hair so it didn't look so messy but my eyes for something I couldn't fix. Girls could easily fix the bags under their eyes with makeup but I couldn't. Plus, I had no idea how makeup worked or what was used for what. I inhaled deeply and then exhaled. Taking it nice and slow. It was time to go get Nevada. I didn't have a car so I had to take the bus to get her but I didn't mind. The weather was perfect too. It was pretty bright outside since summer was on its way.

Once the bus reached Nevada's street, I started to feel anxious and all the bad thoughts started running through my head. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. I lightly slapped my face and then began walking towards her apartment. I walked up the stairs, taking two steps at a time. I then reached her door and knocked softly. I waited for a few minutes and after a while, I began to wonder if she forgot about our date. But just as I was about to turn and leave, the door opened and Nevada stepped out. I held my breath as I took in the vision of her. She looked gorgeous. She was wearing a black dress that stopped above her knees with lace sleeves and little black pumps. Her hair was done in loose waves and her makeup was subtle. She really did look beautiful.
"Hi," I said softly.
"Hi," she replied.
"You look... beautiful," I commented and I could see she blushed. She turned around, locked her door and then we started walking to the bus. We waited for ten minutes before the bus arrived.
"So, where are we going?" she asked me and I told her it was a surprise. We sat down in the back of the bus and watched as we drove past the houses and people.

I wanted to make the date special but I didn't want to make it too cheesy either. Although maybe she liked cheesy. But I brought her to a little restaurant behind an art museum that was in the middle of a courtyard with two stone walls in front of the courtyard. It wasn't big but it was cosy. It was like a library and a restaurant in one. Except it was a lot nicer inside than a library would be. There were little fairy lights strung up on the walls and it was dark inside. Well, it wasn't fully dark but it was dim. They had some bookshelves lined up against the walls and there was a little wooden crate of books on each of the tables. Once Nevada and I walked in, she gasped and covered her mouth.
"I figured you liked books since you work at the bookstore. Well, not because you work in a bookstore but because of the way you treat books. You place them on the shelves so gently, like they have feelings. You treat them like they're your babies," I smiled.
"Yeah, books mean a lot to me. I'm a really big book nerd," she giggled. The waiter took two menus and showed us to our table.

We sat down and skimmed through the menu. Nevada picked out her meal pretty quickly so she could have more time to look at the books in our crate on the table. I smiled at how happy she looked. Her eyes lit up as she read the pages and traced the spines of the books with her finger. She handled them so delicately like as if she grabbed them too hard they would break or tear apart. I admired her for it.

And then I thought maybe this would be okay after all.