Monster

Chapter 6 - A Lonely Little Girl

Francesca Von Stein was always a lonely person. The only child to two only children, She never experienced the inherent dichotomy of competition and solidarity that come with siblings, or even close cousins. She was denied the chance to mark Her mental, emotional, and physical growth alongside another child. There were no, "I can read to you since you're still a baby," moments, no "let's race to the end of the drive and back" moments, no "she has their mother's beauty, but he has their father's brains." There were no other children to compare Her to, so She was compared against Her parents.

Francesca's beauty-queen mother came from old money; Ellaine Dupont was the only daughter of a politician in a long line of politicians and business owners. Her father, John "Jack" Von Stein, was the renowned surgeon son of a renowned surgeon. Neither parent came from particularly loving families, and so they in turn had a mostly loveless marriage and continued the trend of emotionally distant child rearing. And while my Goddess was both as blindingly beautiful as Her mother and as wildly intelligent as Her father, Her brilliance never shone brightly enough to earn affection they didn't have to give.

She told me this one night long ago, Her head on my chest where I couldn't see Her face. I had asked Her to explain to me why She felt the need to create someone to love Her, to create me. And after a long pause, She told me stories from Her childhood. She spun a web of remembered neglect, reciting painful incidents in the toneless voice of one reciting the periodic table.

When She was seven, the gardener taught Her to ride a bike. When She ran into the house to tell Her mother Her exciting new achievement, She was rewarded with a look of disgust and told to wash Her dirty, scraped knees. When She was nine, She came in second place at the science fair. Her father threw Her glass trophy out the window and told Her that unless it was first place, he didn't want to hear about it.

That was the moment She learned that nothing She did mattered unless it was better than everyone else.

From that point forward, She worked hard to be the top student at Her private school, the best pianist in Her class, the most graceful ballerina, the brightest star in all She did.

And it meant nothing to them. It wasn't note-worthy because it was expected. When Her parents spoke of Her accomplishments, it was to say that of course she had the top grades, or the only solo. She was their daughter, after all.

So my Goddess's entire childhood was spent alone. She had no time to make friends with Her classmates, and they had no inclination to make friends with the girl who bested them at everything. She won awards and accolades. Her bedroom became a trophy case rather than a haven. She followed in Her mother's footsteps and won the title of Miss Texas. Then She followed in Her father's footsteps and went into medical science. The results of Her first study were published in a highly-acclaimed scientific journal at the time. She was nineteen.

Francesca Von Stein followed the path set before Her and went to medical school to be a cardiologist. While at Johns Hopkins University, She made friends for the first time, having finally met people with the same level of genius and drive as She. She met a young medical researcher by the name of David Shelley, and for the first time in Her life, felt like She was enough for someone. She fell in love very quickly, and very fully.

It was David who gave Her the nickname, "Frankie" and instilled in Her a passion for medical research. It was he who encouraged Her to do what She loved and to follow Her own path, not Her parents'. When Her change of major from cardiology to bioengineering angered them, David was the one who held Her hand and convinced Her father not to end his tuition payments. He was the one to explain to Jack Von Stein how exceptional She was and how quickly She was garnering praise and attention in Her field. He casually mentioned that while bioengineering was not as well-known and therefore as highly regarded as more common fields of medicine, its very newness was exactly why it needed someone as ingenious as Francesca to push its boundaries and illuminate all its potential.

It was David who first predicted that She would win a Nobel Prize, to Her father, that day in Dr. Von Stein's office. He may not have believed his own words, but he said them with enough conviction to earn Dr. Von Stein's approval for Francesca to change majors and David to marry Her.

Three years and another published study later, the elder Von Steins died after leaving a Christmas party. The roads were icy and Jack had, according to witnesses, been drinking. It was common knowledge that they had been fighting; gossips said that it was over Jack's mistress. The newspapers reported the tragedy in garish detail, chronicling every award, accolade, pageant, and race the Von Steins and Duponts had ever received or won as well as every juicy rumor to follow the two families during their decades in the public eye.

The articles also mentioned their grieving daughter, Francesca, and everything She had accomplished in Her twenty-six years. For their vast library of knowledge of the family, they managed to get one thing wrong: the Houston Chronicle claimed Francesca was still in Medical School, but She had in fact graduated the spring prior. All the other newspapers copied the incorrect tidbit – a small detail, easily overlooked, and yet my Goddess felt slighted by it all the way into Her old age. As She claimed, She'd worked hard to graduate on time after having switched from one very different field to another half way, and it was about time someone recognized Her efforts and not just Her achievements.

My Goddess had been raised to believe that the only truly good thing about Her was Her intellect so Her relationship with David Shelley revolved largely on Her gratitude to him for loving and supporting Her regardless of how little She had to offer. At first, David did support Her and worked hard at building up Her confidence in Her own abilities and cognizance of Her many strengths.

After Her parents' deaths, She worked even harder to prove his words to Her father true. They delayed their wedding for four more years while they both worked diligently on their own projects. During this time She found in Her fiancé the playful rivalry She had missed in Her childhood. She reveled in their competitive banter and their race to reach the next level in their respective research. But for David, it was not playful. Somewhere between encouraging Her to be the world's top cryobiology researcher and standing next to Her as She was awarded for actually having become that very thing, his love had turned to resentment.

Her brilliance had become too bright for him. Three months after Her Nobel Prize win and two weeks before their wedding, David Shelley told Her that he could not be Her shadow. He broke their engagement, and Her heart. Worse, he broke Her sense of self. He had told Her that She was worth so much more than just Her intelligence and hard work. And then he'd shown Her that those very things were toxic.

But now She knew better. Frankie Von Stein had been a naive, love-starved girl but that girl was gone. Dr. Francesca Von Stein was worth more than a weak man. She was the best at everything She did and She deserved the best the world could offer. She deserved the perfect man and if he didn't exist, then She would make him.

She would become my creator. She would play God.

She fell asleep that night with my arms around Her, and I fell asleep with Her tears on my chest.

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(Word count: 1,359)