Letters & Rants

I don't know what this is¿ maybe it's a cry for help?

I'm done with people. I hate that I am but everyone is so fake to me. Everyone acts like my best friend but the truth is I'm replacable. No one ever comes to me because they want to know how I'm doing. No one other than a few people actually talk to me because they enjoy it. All people do is ask me for help. But what if I need help too? I'm hurting too. I hurt just like everyone but no one understands that.

I'm seen as the most perfect person when I'm not. I'm a disaster. I tear myself down because I'm a judgemental asshole. Stop telling me I'm perfect. Stop acting like I'm perfect. I'm not perfect. I'm trying so hard to be but I can't do it anymore. This act of being so great isn't working. I'm in pain, okay? And I can't hide that.

And I can't tell you what I feel. My insides are on fire but there's no help. My life is the oxygen that feeds the fire. I'm burning up and everyone is watching. I'm being fed oxygen. I'm dying inside and the flames are dancing outside.

And don't say that you're 100% my real friend because you probably aren't. You probably only come to me for your own needs. I need time for myself too. I'm only human. I'm being selfish for focusing on myself but I can't stay like this.

I understand if you choose to not be my friend. I don't care anymore. I don't need friends.