Ashes in March

Chapter 1: Rowena

Hey guys. Thanks so much for reading. I really appreciate all of you taking the time out of your day to click on my story. This song reminded me of this chapter, so maybe you can listen to it and relate with me.

***

As I stand up here, high up on a cliff that sits above the ocean, I think of the inevitable.

How everyone is supposed to die and that I was probably going to die right now. I mean, I sure wanted to.

I look down and I see the water. The black void of nothing that had always made me feel better but now it just made me sick.

I've spent so many days up here, just sitting and staring into the dark abyss, questioning the exact reason why I was still here. Why was I alive and he wasn't?

I angrily swipe at the tears that spill over the edge of my eyes.

God, I was so tired of pushing down these feelings as if they meant nothing, as if losing someone you loved so much meant nothing. People are starving, Rowena. People are homeless, Rowena. Children are dying and girls are going missing and the world as we know it is killing itself, Rowena and you're crying over your brother?

You're just so numb and gone and then suddenly, it all comes crashing down like a piano slipping from a lift 120 feet in the air and there's nothing you can do to stop it. No trampoline or hole painted on the ground like a cartoon. It smashes you right into the pavement, merciless and feral, and then you're done.

I step closer to the rocky edge and gaze down just to make sure that the ocean was still there below me. It was. I didn't know what I had expected it to do. Maybe pick up its skirt and walk away. Hail a cab and speed off. Leave me just like my brother had.

I gulp down a sob and try to take a deep breath. I fail and hiccup loudly into the wind.

It's Nick.

What about Nick? What's wrong?

Mamà, please. What happened?

Mom?

Please, mom. What's happened?

He's dead.

Another sob escapes my lips. I stare down at the water, a tumultuous war of sea and wind. I watch as mist dances across the water like ghosts. I lick my lips and taste the salt that sprays me as each wave pounds against the cliff side. The smell of the sea curls around me like the bitter odor of the wharf.

I look up at the twilight sky to see dark violet clouds racing towards the shore like the Ghost Riders on their black steads. Not quite raining but that touch of static in the air hints at it.

I clench and unclench my fists, thinking about not thinking about this moment.

Thinking about my parents.

About my brother.

About my future and how absolutely empty it feels.

About how I'm going to be stuck in Union forever with no hope of ever leaving.

About how my body is going to look in a casket on that pedestal where I've seen so many others.

About who will prep me.

About if they will even find my body at all.

And then I think, maybe that's a good thing. Being swallowed and never found again.

And before I can stop myself, I jump.

I squeeze my eyes shut and scream despite my best efforts, because holy shit I'm going to vomit.