Fear and Loving

Chapter 2: Explanations

More tears fell as I thought about what he said. Was I really so insignificant that he could make my life hell everyday and then just forget about it? All the bruises, the blood, the sprained joints, the cracked bones; none of it mattered to him. Not even enough to be a memory. I had never wanted to die more than I did in that moment. I was a wreck, he had broken me. I closed my eyes against the fresh wave of tears that came. I took a deep breathe or at least attempted.
"M-may I ask a favor of you, alpha?" I kept my voice as steady as I could. I was used to talking thru tears after all.
"Anything, mate." He said it so affectionately, I wanted to laugh.

"Please just kill me. I don't think my body can take anymore beatings, & I'm sure my mind can take no more fear and suffering." My voice was surprisingly strong, the idea of an end was almost a happy thought.

"What?" He pulled away from me quickly as if I had burned him. I fell to my knees.

"Please." I said from the ground. A cry was heard similar to the whining of a dog, and then I was in the air. I struggled against the arms that held me, but I knew it was useless. He set me down on the black leather couch on the far side of the office. He got on his knees in front of me, I kept my eyes at his chest.

"Look at me Ever." I complied knowing he would make me if I didn't.
"I need to ask you some questions. And I need you to answer them honestly. Ok?" I nodded.

"How often did it happen?"

"Almost every day."

"What set me off?"

"Everything, and nothing."
He sighed heavily and moved to sit beside me. I tensed when he grabbed my hand in his but said nothing.

"Ever, I need to tell you something & I need you to stay calm & listen carefully. Can you do that?"

"Yes alpha." He made an annoyed sound in response. He ran his free hand through his long wild hair then turned to me.

"Ever, I'm no ordinary alpha. I'm a hybrid." He paused a bit to gauge my reaction but continued when I said nothing. "My wolf and I are usually on the same page, but the vamp is less... Civilized. He takes over sometimes. And when he does I never remember what he's made me do. I'm so sorry. You were hurt because I couldn't control him."
I just sat there staring at my hand in my lap. I wanted nothing more than to reject him & run but I couldn't. I wanted nothing to do with him or any of this. If what he said is true he never wanted to hurt me but the part of him that does is always around. My life sucked. I hung my head & concentrated on holding together the mask I constantly wore. I made my face blank and gently pulled my hand from his hold.
"Don't you have any questions?" He asked sounding surprised by my silence.
"No."

"No?"

"You wouldn't give me what I want if I asked; so theres no point. & I don't care to know any of the details, they won't change anything." It sounded harsh even to me but he had ordered me to be honest. I saw him looking like a kicked puppy from the corner of my eye. It was kind of sad seeing such a large man pouting. I had to admit he was glorious to behold. He was tall; probably somewhere around 6'6", with flawless copper toned skin & muscles easily seen even in the custom suits he wore. I would be endlessly attracted to him if I saw him as anything other than a source of pain...