" LIPSTICK " + STENBROUGH

[26]

the girl who follows stanley into the lunch room the next day is not at all what bill has imagined her to be like.

for starters, she's prettier than bill wishes she was. her hair is dark, to her shoulders, and possesses a natural, loose curl. her skin is fair and clear, eyes a soft green and eyelashes naturally long. she's wearing a pleated skirt and pale blue polo, with mary janes and frilly ankle socks. bill's initial thought is that she could be stan's sister. come to think of it, he thinks she looks more related to stan than his actual sister.

"who the fuck invited little bo peep to lunch?" richie says while they're just out of earshot, and eddie elbows him in the ribs softly to shut up.

her smile is too big as she takes a seat beside stan, across from beverly. the fiesty redhead herself looks a bit confused as the girl interlocks her finger with stan's. the gesture makes bill jealous, even though he knows he shouldn't be. stan is gay. stan is gay, he reminds himself.

"hello, i'm patricia blum. it's so nice to meet all of you," she says, grinning. she receives a chorus of 'hello's in response.

"not to sound rude," eddie begins, "but who are you, exactly?"

"i'm stanley's girlfriend," she says, and richie's jaw hangs open slightly, bev's following it.

"stan can actually get a girlfriend? go figure," richie snorts, and stan flips him off.

beverly looks at bill, but he just looks away. he doesn't want to see her face right now, which he imagines displays the confusion she feels when she knows about stan and bill.

the rest of the table begins their own conversation, and bill sits silently, listening as he eats a chip.

"eddie, richie, me and bev were going to go see a drive-in movie friday night. wanna come?" ben asks the two boys.

"yeah, it can be a double date!" beverly adds, hands twisting themselves around ben's arm. her head rests on his shoulder, a soft smile on her face. bill is happy she's happy, truly, because she was never that happy with him, and it's the kind that makes her radiate beauty.

"shouldn't you ask a real couple that?" patricia butts in. she doesn't have any malice in her words. she's simply smiling as she asks, taking a bite of her salad—or what she calls a salad, but it's mostly lettuce and about three cherry tomatoes.

"they are a real couple," beverly says, confusion evident in her voice. patricia laughs.

"oh," patricia says, that stupid smile disappearing, replaced by a frown. "you two are, uh, dating?"

"yeah, almost four years in the books," richie says, and looks at eddie. eddie grins.

"yep." and he gives richie a kiss.

bill, as well as beverly, mike, and ben all notice the uncomfortable look on patricia's face. she obviously is not fond of richie and eddie's relationship. she obviously isn't fond of any gay relationships or people at all. little does she know about stan...

"i'll b-be right buh-buh-back," bill excuses himself, ignoring stan's intense stare and standing up, taking his backpack and lunch with him. he discards bag of chips in the trash bin by the door and exits the cafeteria.

he opens his locker when he reaches it, tears threatening to spill from his eyes, because not only is stan dating that smiley, too-perfect-for-her-own-good bitch, but she's also homophobic. and bill is gay. and bill is used to henry and his parents, but he doesn't know if he can stand knowing the boy he's madly in love with has his arm around a girl who would never accept him if she knew what he really is. stan is gay.

"what the fuck was that?" it's beverly. bill closes the door to his locker to reveal the girl who stands next to him, short but angry, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

"w-wh-wha-what was wha-what?" bill asks.

"who the fuck is that girl who claims she's dating stan when," beverly looks around the deserted hallway and lowers her voice, "when you two are together?"

"it's patricia," bill says solemnly. "h-his new gir-girlfr-friend." beverly looks very confused, eyebrows knitted together.

"what about you guys?" beverly asks. "are you two still together?"

"w-we broke u-u-up," bill lies. he isn't sure why he doesn't tell beverly the truth; she is his best friend besides georgie and stan, after all. beverly's face softens, and she wraps her arms around bill.

"i'm so sorry, bill," she whispers. she pulls away, and looks up at him. "you two just looked so in love, you know?" bill nods. what beverly said makes him sadder. it doesn't even matter if he's still with stan. he misses it only being him. "when did you break up?"

"uh, a w-week ago," bill lies. it's a messy one—hell, this whole thing is messy—but bill isn't prepared when beverly asks him. this is not a well crafted lie, he knows that but he hopes bev doesn't. bev frowns.

"why the fuck is he dating a girl anyway? he's gay, right?" bev asks.

"h-he's not gay, he re-re-realized." stan is gay.

"oh," beverly says, and frowns deeper. "fuck him, then. he led you on, that sick cunt. i'll beat him up, if you want. i'll–" bill chuckles.

"w-we're staying f-fr-fruh-friends," bill says. "i-i'll live." beverly frowns, but nods.

"fine, but if you need anything, have beverly marsh on speed dial for all your assassin needs."

bill is laughing when beverly walks back to the cafeteria—she always walks with ben to their shared history class. bill checks his makeup in the mirror in that hangs in his locker, making sure his watery eyes didn't smudge any mascara when he blinked.

his reflection does not show the strong bill denbrough that he wants to be. for his brother, for stan, for himself. his reflection shows a boy, scared and alone and not sure what he's doing anymore. and he has no idea how to alter it.

——

i actually enjoyed patricia blum in the book, but for the purpose of this story, she's kind of the worst. sorry

- m