" LIPSTICK " + STENBROUGH

[33]

for stranger_it7 for giving me some ideas for this one, you're the sweetest :)

the doorbell of the denbrough house rings at approximately 5pm, as rain beats the living crap out of derry.

right now, bill feels like derry. his parents let him stay home another day, after discovering bill has a cold. bill has been anxious all day about the school work he is missing, but he tries not to think about it, mostly sleeping and sitting curled up on the couch in his empty house, watching tv shows that make him laugh. the plan hasn't worked white as planned, as he was watching south park and began tearing up when stanley marsh comes on screen. bill feels like everyone is turning against him, like whatever god there is is looking at bill and thinking, this kid still hasn't been through enough.

when the doorbell rings, bill is watching mulan, because the soundtrack makes him rather happy, grumbling as he pauses the movie and unwraps himself from the blanket cave he's hiding in. he grabs his wallet from the kitchen counter, rifling through and pulling out a few bills. he's almost positive the person at the door is the pizza guy, delivering the pepperoni pie he ordered earlier.

however, as bill denbrough opens his door on that cold, wet, windy day, he is not greeted by the pizza guy.

"stuh-stuh-stan!" bill squeaks, as he's faced with the lanky teenager standing on his porch, soaked by the rain. he offers bill an awkward grin. "c-come in."

"hey," he greets, fixing his glasses. he walks into the denbrough house, wiping his shoes on the mat inside. he glances around curiously. "you home alone?"

"my parents a-are at a s-s-soccer thing for juh-juh-juh-georgie." stan nods understandingly.

"you haven't been in school," stan says, a frown etched across his features. "beverly told me you had a cold."

"yeah, i do." stan scratches the back of his neck.

"feel better," stan mumbles. "make sure you take care of yourself, bill."

"of c-course i will," bill says. little does stan know the boy has been ripping himself apart over the past few days, wondering what he did wrong and how he could have avoided fucking up as bad as he did. stan takes a deep breath that makes bill's stomach twist. not in a butterflies-before-they-kiss kind of a way, but a something-bad-is-coming kind of way.

"we need to talk about this, bill." bill stands in his entry hall with parted lips and wide eyes. stan is so forward, when he had been so reluctant the other day. what changed?

"oh-okay."

"i think–" stan takes a deep breath. "i think we should break up."

there it is, bill thinks.

it's a near indescribable feeling, as bill denbrough gets his heart broken. it's like stan has taken the fragile glass that lies between his ribs and smashed it, making sure each piece has been ground into fine power. he feels numb to the emotion, expecting to cry, but instead just staring blankly at the boy before him, with his soaking wet curls, and droplet-dotted glasses, and rosy cheeks.

"i-i just can't do it anymore," stan says, and bill ignores the slight quiver in his voice. stan doesn't want to do this, and bill knows that. "i just—fuck, bill, i've cheated on two girls with you, i–"

"y-you only cheated o-on o-one girl," bill corrects. stan's eyebrows furrow. "w-we were dating before y-y-you got wi-with patricia. so, you cheat-cheated on me."

"that's not the point," stan mumbles. "the point is, i think we were a mistake."

bill wants to hurt stan. he wants to hit him, or yell, or say something so rude that stan feels the way he does, that his heart breaks. but bill doesn't have the power. he's merely a boy with a stutter and shaky hands, who is taking this absolute bullyshit that his boyfriend is giving him. ex boyfriend, now, he guesses.

"i'm not–i'm not gay, bill." and that's what does it.

"y-you're not gay?" bill asks, eyebrow raised. "that's a guh-good joke, stan."

"i'm serious. i think you and i got together at a confusing time in my life. we were drunk when we kissed—really kissed, although that kiss on the cheek on your birthday was all you. i think the alcohol is what did it. and i think that euphoric high was just what i wanted to feel. i think i wanted to do something rebellious, i wanted to experiment and see where this would lead me."

"you used me," bill says softly, voice almost a whisper. "you used me?" he repeats, this time a question.

"i-i'm sorry," stan says, and bill can see his eyes are glazed over behind his glasses. bill's eyes begin pooling with tears.

"suh-suh-sorry doesn't c-cut it, asshole," bill says, voice cracking as tears surface.

"we weren't meant to be," stan whispers, taking a step towards bill. it reminds bill of all the times stan had come over when bill's parents and brother were out—stan's strides towards bill before they happily connected their lips, getting lost in one another's touch. it makes bill sick.

"i wish i-i'd known you fuh-fuh-felt that way be-before i gave y-you my vir-virginity," bill snaps, and he shoves stan's shoulder lightly, pushing him towards the door. "i want y-you out of m-my house! out of my l-l-life, stuh-stanley ur-uris!"

and as a teary eyed stanley uris walks back into the pouring rain, bill denbrough slides down to the floor, back against his front door, crying into his knees.

we weren't meant to be.

- m