Suicide Notes

Chapter 4: Not All Guys Are The Same

"Why did you do this? Who were you talking to? What happened? Why aren't you answering me?" Tony's questions filled the car as I stared out the window, holding a damp cloth to my hand.

It wasn't like I meant to do it. Accidents happen, don't they? Surely I'm not the only being that has snapped a pen and cut their hand. Then again, I'm not exactly the most normal human being to walk the Earth. Tony yelling my name grabbed my attention.

"Jeslyn!"

"Y-yes?" I stare out the window instead of risking a glance. He doesn't seem like someone who would hit me if I looked at him in the wrong way. Then again neither did my father. Not until what happened with Mom happened.

"Look at me." I turned my head slowly and raised my eyes to meet his. Instead of anger, there was worry in his eyes.

"What happened?" He asked softly.

"It was just Chandler and his little group." I said quietly. "No big deal."

"No big deal? You snapped a pen and cut your hand in the matter of seconds. If it was no big deal you wouldn't have been upset. What did they say?"

"Th-I-I guess I'm a whore now." I replied quietly looking down at my hands. Instead of getting an answer it was silent. Only the wind and the tires rolling on pavement could be heard. My hands started shaking and I screamed at myself to stop but I just couldn't. It's natural for me to close in on myself when this happens. It's what I'm used to. Father always got quiet before he exploded. Then I'd go to bed with fresh bruises and have to cover them up when I got up for school.  I froze and squeezed my eyes shut.

"Jeslyn? Are you okay?" His words coming out quiet and worried. I nodded my head in response, not wanting to give away that I was scared. Why do I have to be afraid? Why can't I stand up for myself?

"Because that's what people like you can't do. You're pathetic. Always have been. Always will be, you ungrateful little bitch." My fathers words replayed in my head, over and over, blocking out everything else.

"We're here Jeslyn." Tony said softly.

I opened my eyes and stepped out of the car. My eyes stayed glued to the ground. God knows what might happen if I meet his gaze. I felt his fingers touch my chin and I immediately flinched away.

"I'm not going to hurt you. It was an accident. You're not with your father. You won't be punished for something so little." He said comfortingly.

I nodded my head and slowly looked up at him. The eyes I saw were warm, caring, and worried. So unlike the cruel, cold, hating eyes I normally made the mistake of looking at. I almost smiled. Almost.

"Why has that girl come here injured, both times you brought her here?" His father asked. Something in his voice made me pull away from Tony and stare right back down at the ground. Something in his voice scared me. Something in his voice reminded me of my father. Maybe it was the demanding note. Maybe it was the anger. Was it anger? Or was it worry?

"Bad timing I guess. This time was an accident though." Tony spoke for me when my lack of words proved I wasn't going to speak.

"If you say so. You're mother should be home tonight. She's getting off work early. Clean up and set the table." I immediately started following Tony once he moved. "And fix up that girl's hand."

"That girl's name is Jeslyn, remember?."

"Well if we're getting acquainted properly now, then hello Jeslyn. It's nice to meet you. I'm Richard." I'm not sure if he's saying this out of spite for his son, or if he means it. I nod instead, not meeting his eyes.