Cup of Tea with Me

Grief and Loss come Hand in Hand.

Grief and loss come hand in hand.

Grief is that unwanted person who comes into your life. Grief slowly creeps on you as the original shock wears off, it's like a mother feeding her baby slowly, little by little. But Grief is nothing motherly and does not give you something sweet swallow. It gives you pieces of dark cloud you take without even knowing it, it's bitter and heavy and it sits in you for a long time. 

The special thing about Grief is that it brings something out of you and you never know what exactly what it will do to you until it happens and it's always different. Sometimes it's guilt, sometimes it's resentment, sometimes it's relief (as bad as if sounds, sometimes deaths or Loss are welcomed. They're not only bad.) and sometimes it's numbness. That emotion (or these emotions, often people feel a mix of feelings, and it's not rare that they are conflicting emotions) clouds your head and breaks your heart.
It silences you, or makes you want to scream.
It makes you cry or laugh until you can't breathe.
It turns you inside out and makes you want to puke. 

Then when it finally decides to soften its grips on you, its because Loss arrived at the party, because of Grief. Grief felt like it was not enough, that your sadness was not intense enough for his dark and twisty idea of a party. So it called its old friend.

Loss comes running, right into your heart and painfully makes its way to your deepest and most vulnerable areas and it starts to play. 
Loss is a little bit like Grief, it doesn't hit you hard, it just sits in you like something is weird, something is missing and then, it starts the party and hard.
Loss turns the sound up of his razor blade song when you're sitting alone in a familiar place and crushes you under a cloud of painful memories. Loss makes your familiar and safe place a hell of reminiscence. It takes your favorite mug and makes you want to break it. It makes you want to burn every photo and letter. It makes everything the person you lost touched becomes a painful reminder that they're gone and won't come back. Sometimes during the day, Loss turns his song down to a very faint background music you can forget about a few times a day, but when the sun goes down and you go home, the party wakes up and the music becomes aggressively loud. With Grief, Loss dances in your heart and looks at memories like it's an album of funny pictures when it's a book of heartbreaking mementos. It tires you, makes you cry until you can't anymore, makes you lie down and not be able to get up. 

For a moment, days, weeks, months, years, Grief and Loss make your heart and head their homes. They shake everything down, break you, strip you of some joys because they come hand in hand. You can't have one without the other. 

But the great news is, they leave. 
Although they leave a little piece of themselves in you, they do leave. 
One day, the pain they caused will die, the memories they broke will get less painful and one day they might even be happy ones, the mementos they opened, you will close them and put them back on the shelf, the part of you they broke, you'll mend them as much as possible and one day, it won't hurt as much. 
One day,
One day, Grief and Loss will leave hand in hand.