There Is Nothing Wrong With Me

The Unfolding Future

Sherlock couldn't even think of what to say, or what to do, so he just sat there almost helplessly, chained to John's hand but loving every second of his captivity. His sleeve was still rolled up and yet his hand was stilled, trapped inside of John's so that it couldn't even attempt to twitch and shake with nerves. It was almost too perfect, a paradise away from the government, the therapists, the bullying. It was only him, and John, and no one else and nothing else for as far as the eye could see. They were alone in their darkness, separated by the mere exterior of a car from the rest of the humans that would surely shame them if they could. Protected, so to speak, but the other's presence and comfort, and the silence that cushioned them and their hearts and their souls...
"I don't really know what to say." Sherlock admitted in a tiny voice, more of a squeak than a sentence, but he knew that he had to say something.
"Then don't." John suggested simply. 
"But I must, I feel...there's more to say John, I just don't know what it is." Sherlock admitted heavily, looking over at his companion in this solitude with an almost broken expression.
"Then maybe it can't be expressed with words." John suggested softly. Sherlock's entire body went numb this time, because he knew what that meant, he knew that John was one hundred percent correct. There was something to say, something to say merely by the touch of their lips and the beating of their hearts... John leaned ever so carefully towards Sherlock, and it was all Sherlock could do but lean as well, almost forcing himself to lean forward with his lips parted, his eyes wide open in anticipation. My God was this really happening? John was so close, all it took was simple...A scream, a horrible scream, erupted from the speaker that sat on the dashboard, and as if on instinct both boys threw themselves towards their respective car doors, screaming right along with the poor girl who was getting eaten by the zombie. Their hands parted, the space between them tripled, the boys screamed and screamed long after the girl was silenced. Sherlock screamed for what he had missed, John screamed for what he had almost done, they screamed for their love and for their sanity and their momentary obsession with being closer and closer to the other. And then they were silenced as well, staring at each other and gasping for breath, Sherlock pressed against the door so agressivley that his legs were holding him almost to the window, as if he were trying to break through the glass with his shoulder blades.
"I'm so sorry!" Sherlock exclaimed, as if on instinct, screeching in a voice he almost didn't recognize.
"No problem!" John yelled right back, breathing so heavily he was almost shaking. Sherlock slowly started to ease himself back into his seat, clearing his throat awkwardly and takin a small sip of his water that sat next to him in the cup holder. John mimicked him, and for a moment the only sound was the slurping of the Coke from the ice in the bottom, that and very heavy, panicked breathing. Sherlock wasn't brave enough to glance over at John, for his brow was still lined with sweat and his heart was racing in his chest. So much pent up emotion, God it felt good to scream, but what now? What had they just lost? Obviously the moment had been ruined, if Sherlock tried to kiss John again what would he think of him? Especially since John had screamed as well, was he screamed out of shock or out of fear? Was he thankful for the sudden interruption or was he as annoyed as Sherlock was? Would they ever get another chance to kiss each other before John had to dash back to Wisteria? It seemed as though there were some questions that would never be answered, because as soon as their screaming ceased not a word was spoken. It was exactly as Sherlock had feared, the first date awkwardness had been replaced with the awkwardness of sudden disgust, and as they sat next to each other in that darkness, Sherlock was quite sure that John wanted to vanish. Maybe he was ashamed of taking things too far, maybe he was afraid of what Sherlock might say, should he open his mouth at all. Maybe he suspected that Sherlock didn't want to kiss him, or maybe he simply didn't want to kiss Sherlock. Maybe there was some sort of hidden fear in the depth of his chest, speaking to him softly and reminding him of his apparent heterosexuality. Maybe all it took was a jump scare to remind his heart just what he had been intending to do. And so they watched the movie, and Sherlock ashamed to say that he understood the conclusion and had the time to listen to what was going on instead of talking to the love of his life in his passenger seat. It was a waste of a night, it really was, and as the credits began to roll and they finally came to their senses Sherlock realized just what he had missed. John looked over at him carefully, holding the now close to empty popcorn container to him as if trying to be courteous. It was awkward to say the least, looking at each other and smiling and not saying a word, pretending like nothing had even happened.
"Good movie." Sherlock muttered, grabbing the last of the salty popcorn from the bottom of the bag and holding it in his hand lamely. He didn't want to eat, his stomach was a knot and he felt if he tried to force something down it would only come back up. However John offered, so he had to accept.
"Ya it was good." John agreed, his throat still rather hoarse from screaming so violently before. Sherlock still felt like there was a gaping hole in tonight's experience, one that could never be filled unless right now he did something, something unthinkable, right here and now. He smiled rather softly at John, letting his gaze fall for a moment and trying to decide whether or not he was brave enough to even attempt at another kiss. It was spoiled, spoiled again, by some knocking at the window. Accused knocking, so loud in comparison to the silence that had engulfed them that Sherlock was almost tempted to cover his ears. He looked out the window to see Molly's face nearly pressed up to the glass, a large smile on her face as she yanked open the door without invitation.
"Well hello there Sherlock." She said in a loud, obnoxious voice. If Sherlock could guess he'd say that she was drunk, but seeing as there was no alcohol present, she was probably just drunk on love. Greg was on the other side, practically pulling John out of the car to try to fill him in on what had happened. Sherlock's heart dropped, they were surrounded now, there was no goodbye kiss after all. He couldn't help but look upset, and Molly's face slackened as well when she saw that he was frowning.
"What's the matter?" she wondered carefully. Sherlock sighed, glancing over at where Greg was jumping around John, nearly as excited as Molly had been.
"Oh nothing, nothing." He muttered with a sort of shaky voice. Molly didn't take that as a formal answer, but he avoided her questions by slipping out of the car and closing the door rather forcefully. A wasted opportunity! Oh he could just slap himself, what didn't he go for it while he had the chance! Sarah bounded over not a moment after the door shut, Mike having gone over to hang with the boys while she went over, squealing to Molly about how they had kissed and shared a soda and how magical it was. All the while Sherlock just leaned against the driver's door of the car, crossing his arms and trying to hear the conversation going on at the other side.
"How'd it go for you Sherlock?" Sarah asked, silencing herself immediately when she saw how down Sherlock had become.
"I think it could've been better." Sherlock decided after a moment's thought.
"Did you kiss him?" Molly wondered in a sort of whisper, looking over through the glass at where the boys were collected. Greg must've been doing the same thing, because as soon as she looked over Sherlock's shoulder she giggled and gave a weak little wave before turning back to the situation at hand.
"No I didn't...I was going to, but then there was a jump scare and we just screamed and it didn't amount to anything." Sherlock admitted heavily.
"Aw I'm sorry Sherlock." Sarah muttered, patting him on the shoulder as if that was going to help anything. The credits were still rolling on the movie, with loud music coupled by the blinking lights as the white names rolled over the black screen.
"Don't be like that, come on there's still time!" Molly exclaimed optimistically. Sherlock looked up at her with a pathetically hopeful glance, not really considering the logic, more the opportunity itself.
"That's crazy Molly, everyone's here; it takes one lady looking out her window to get me landed in jail permanently." Sherlock insisted, and yet there was something in his head, insisting that maybe there was a chance after all.
"It's pitch dark out Sherlock, and no one's going to look behind them. In the shadows you could be a girl with short curly hair, and they'd have no evidence, Sherlock this is your last chance!" Molly insisted almost frantically, grabbing one of Sherlock's shoulders and spinning him so that he was facing the back of the car. He simply shook her off, but there was a hopeful sort of smile on his face. Carefully Sherlock peered through the windows of his car, seeing John's blonde head hanging rather shamefully while the other two boys seemed to be talking at him as well, as if the very same conflict was going on in the other party.
"I don't want to embarrass him." Sherlock pointed out.
"And you won't! My God Sherlock we all know what's going on here, would you rather him go home a little bit embarrassed or completely disappointed?" Molly asked seriously.
"You don't want him to think you're not into him." Sarah added, to which both girls nodded vigorously.
"But I also don't want him to think I'm coming on too strong." Sherlock pointed out, to which the girls nodded a little bit less enthusiastically.
"It's now or never Sherlock." Molly pointed out. Sherlock took a deep breath, shaking his head quickly before slinking back towards the car, leaning against the metal and shoving his hands into his pockets.
"Oh, here they come!" Sarah whispered violently, fixing her hair one more time as if desperate to look good for the boy she had just made out with for like, two hours. And to think that could've been Sherlock and John, for two hours, just the two of them...wasted! As promised the footsteps marked the boy's arrival, walking around the car so that they could say quick goodbyes before they raced back off to Wisteria. John was among them, looking rather small and sad while in the presence of the two much taller, much happier boys. Sherlock knew that they were feeling the same sort of disappointment, but what could he do about that now?
"Well, I suppose we're off." Greg said finally, swaying back and forth on his feet with a slight smile.
"Thank you for everything, that was a lovely evening." Sarah responded, speaking for all of them it would seem. John was there, he was beautiful, standing there with his golden head down, his hands in his pockets as well. And Sherlock was here, feeling the exact same despair, regret, anger, the audience all expected it, they all wanted it, well of course they did they were the ones to set this up! They all knew, they all supported it, they didn't care at all, Sherlock knew it was safe and he knew that if he didn't now he would regret it for the rest of his life. His first with John Watson, he couldn't just avoid it because he was scared, that pathetic emotion wasn't going to hold him back. He still had time to make tonight magical.
"So ya, I guess, well I guess we should be off." Mike agreed, looking towards his two friends, who both nodded in disappointment. Sherlock took a deep breath, pushing himself off of the car as the boys started to turn away.
"Wait, John." he muttered, patting down his curls while Molly and Sarah slapped each other repeatedly, trying to communicate what was happening without actually saying anything. The boys paused, turning around almost in confusion, as if they didn't expect the farewells to take this long.
"Ya?" John wondered, spinning around with his face alight with hope. Oh God have mercy. Sherlock marched up, shaking away all the fear, all the nervousness in his heart, this was what he had come for, this was what he was going to do! All eyes were on him and he knew that, but that wasn't going to stop him, not now, not ever. He walked up to John and took his face in his hands, not wasting a moment before kissing him without any sort of warning or preparation. And it was every bit as magical as he knew it would be. John was his first kiss in about two years, not since his lips had finally left Victor's for good, and John's kiss, as surprised as it was, was everything Victor's kiss never could be. It was soft, gentle, loving and kind. Sherlock's heart was leaping in his chest, his fingers tingling as they pressed into John's cheeks, his knees going weak but he kept his lips there, he kept them on John's. And then it was over, Sherlock pulled ever so slightly away, taking a deep, terrified breath as he slowly started to look into John's eyes, immediately looking for terror, or for disgust. But, to his utmost surprise, there was love, and relief, and absolute delight. And a smile started to break through John's lips, a beaming, radiant smile that melted Sherlock's heart like ice. And he was smiling as well, he was drawing away, letting his fingers slide away from John's face, stepping back to join his new friends, laughing, smiling, and tripping over the mud as he watched John fade farther and farther into the distance. And John was laughing too. And with that, not a word exchanged, Greg grabbed John's arm, and the three of them turned away and ran, ran off through the large field towards Wisteria, their retreating backs fading away into shadow as finally the projector turned black. 

John POV: It was one o'clock when they finally fell into their beds, matted with sweat and kicking off their shoes in disgust, breathing and laughing and seeing the faces of their new lovers in the darkness that surrounded them. John was still glowing, he was quite sure that he had some sort of aura of happiness surrounding him, oh it was simply intoxicating! Mike lay rather deliriously on the floor while Greg and John rolled around on their respective blankets, all three with their mouths stretched into the most impossible of grins. Beaming, it would seem, with absolute delight. John couldn't believe that just happened, all of that disappointment and then that ending, that kiss, that wonderful kiss! He thought it would never come, he thought Sherlock would give him a hug, maybe a handshake, he had never expected something of that magnitude from the shaky little boy he had grown to fall in love with.
"That was amazing." Mike breathed finally, keeping his voice low so that no one from the other rooms complained to Mrs. Hudson the next morning.
"You're telling me." John said with a little laugh, pulling his knees to his chest and rolling about the bed like a little armadillo. He was in a very odd mood...
"John you little Romeo you, what a conclusion!" Greg exclaimed in delight, rolling about his bed before dropping his head to the floor and assuming the ever present upside down position. Mike kicked at his face for a while with his foot, but Greg just smacked the sock away and finally Mike gave up.
"I mean, I never saw that coming, I never thought he would be so...so daring!" John exclaimed.
"Aw Johnny are you in loooove?" Mike sang, peering over at John, who simply nodded without a care in the world.
"Oh yes indeed." He admitted in a dreamy voice. Greg just laughed, as though he was proud to finally see John so love sick.
"I never thought I'd see the day." Greg admitted finally. "Our little John, in love with a boy."
"Oh what does it matter his gender, what does it matter his reputation? He's so sweet, and so awkward, and funny, and adorable, and beautiful, and, and I just love him so much!" John exclaimed with a sort of sickly laugh. The boys just lay for another moment in the darkness, smiles on their faces as they thought about what to they would brag about to the others.
"How'd it go with Sarah?" Greg asked finally.
"Wonderful, of course, she's completely wonderful." Mike admitted in the same sort of sing song voice John had used to describe his date.
"I'll tell you, if this lasts, I just might marry that Molly Hooper." Greg decided finally. John just laughed, as did Mike, for they both doubted Greg's commitment past one month of dating.
"No I'm serious, don't laugh at me I'm serious!" Greg exclaimed, looking around for something to throw at his doubters.
"Greg it's been one date!" Mike defended in a sort of doubtful exasperation.
"But can't you see us, can't you see us going on more dates, and laughing, and loving, and then getting married, and she'd walk down the aisle and we'd still be laughing, it would be that young love sort of high, where you still see the future as bright and cheerful just because you have the woman you love by your side. And we'll get a house, a small house mind you, but with my Wisteria education I can be whatever I want, and we'll get money, and have kids, and she always talks about those little dogs...the um...the brown ones? We'll get one of those." Greg planned in a sort of far off sort of voice. "Can't you see us being happy?" he wondered finally. There was a silence, and all three boys imagined their futures with the dates they had spent the night with. And John could see Sherlock, plain as day, with a golden band around his finger from a secret wedding, a simple exchange of the rings and a simple I do. They couldn't live together of course, but across the street, or in the same apartment complex. And they couldn't raise a child but they could have a dog, or they could move away, far away, and get a big house out on a farm and no one would ever know them as anything more than just friends. And they could be in love, for the rest of their lives, and no one need know anything anymore...
"I could see that." John muttered in a sort of whisper. Because he could, by God he could see himself being happy. Happy with Sherlock Holmes.
"Ya, so could I." Mike agreed. They weren't talking about Greg and Molly, they were talking about themselves of course, all three of them in a sort of love induced cloud nine, where anything was possible, and every girl (and boy) would be your soulmate because of one good date. Where there was no such thing as cruel and unusual punishment, or harsh treatment for homosexuals, or prison, or medication, or therapy. When all they had to worry about was what was for dinner, or what book they were going to read while snuggled up together on the couch. And what time they had to go to work, and how long they would have to sit on the porch in their matching rocking chair, and what sort of sweater to wear, to ensure the other's coziness while buried in each other's arms in the winter. When they only worried about how to love, and not what the consequences for that love might be. Oh what a life they could live.