why die? *not updated often updated*

CHAPTER 2

summer’s dream

“please let me go” the man in black tied me up and i was in tears screaming. “your not worth it you should die, no one likes you” he laughs in my face “who are you?” i scream the room is just black all i can see is myself in a chair tied up “do you not recognise me” he laughs “please who are you?” he cant kill me not yet “I’m your brother” he stepped into view “j-j-j-james what are you doing? this isn’t funny?” tiers start to flow “i should of done this along time ago” he pulled out a knife and started coming towards me “JAMES…JAMES…STOP…HELP…JAMES”

(end of dream)

“sum wake up” i woke in a cold sweat and the boys were surrounded my bed with fear and worry in there eyes “whats wrong?” James cuddled me and i sunk my face into his neck letting silent tears fall. he pulled away keeping his hand’s on my shoulders “don’t cry” he rubbed the tears away from my face “I’m so stupid” i breathed out i pout my arm on my head “sum whats that?” he pointed at my scar “um um n-n-n-nothing” i slid my arms under the blanket “SHOW ME KNOW” he shouted and i started to get scared he had a mix of curiosity, worry and anger in his eyes. he pulled my arm to him and his eyes grew “why sum? why? when did this happen? did you do this to yourself?” i fuddled with my fingers as the room fell silent “sum please i need to help you I’m so post to look after you and i cant if you don’t tell me” he sat down cradling me “i did them” i whispered “why?” he said calmly brad and tris sat on the bottom of my bed whilst con sat on my bean bag at the side “James i didn’t know what to do they all told me i am worthless and no one loves me, i have no one James” i burst into tears “you have me and the boys and what about mum and dad” my vision went blurry “i don’t want to live like this anymore i cant handle it” i need to tell him i want to tell mum and dad this has went on to long “what? who has done this? tell me?” his eyes filled but they didn’t burst yet. “everyone at school, they hate me and i don’t know why, please don’t make me go back” i jumped up “i won’t, calm down” he got up hugging me “James i need to tell you what they do to me i cant keep it in any longer” he nods and the boys leave to give us some brother sister time “they call me names and beet me till i can blearily stand. i don’t know why, they just do…he raped me” James eyes grew and i looked to the floor “WHO!! IM GOING TO RIP HIS BALLS OFF WHEN I FIND THE LITTLE IDIOT” he screams “James stop i don’t like it when your angry” i wimped and he calm’s down “who was it sum?” i hesitated “Liam the one at the park” his face went red “what did he do?” i didn’t want to remember but i need to tell James “he barged into my dorm room…and pined me against the wall he striped me naked and…i cant please don’t make me remember” i pleaded and he hugged me tears falling from his face and into my hair. 

“can i sleep with you James?” (i always did this as a kid when i was scared) “yeah sum i will protect you” he pulled me out my room and down the stairs “were are we going” i sniffled “the boys are making hot chocolate to comfit you” he give a week smile i don’t think i can face them after that train wreak.“are you ok summer” tris asked hugging me, it was warm and friendly it was also a comfortable hug like hugging James or a friend (even though i don’t have many of them) “yeah know i am as your hugs make me feel better” i smile at hims and he smiled back. “how do i tell mum and dad i don’t want to go to school anymore?” i sip on my hot chocolate “i will tell them, i don’t want you in there any longer” he sat next to me and i put my head on his shoulder “i love you jam” (thats what i said when i was a baby as i couldn’t say James) “it’s ok sum that’s what brothers are for, i love you to” well this ruined the day. it’s about 1:30 am and we are sat in the kitchen drinking hot chocolate “i don’t know if i should ask but…what happened? what don’t you want to go to school? i thought you like it” tris asked. i looked at James and i nodded for him to tell them “do you know that idiot at the park today?” tris nodded “he raped her in school and they f**king beat her like for fun, i don’t want her there anymore in-fact your not leaving my site”

and that was almost a year ago back in 2012. i still cut but shh don’t tell James. he told my parents and they flipped. they called the police and school, Liam got arrested for abuse, raped and some other things he had done. i have grown close to tris as in a brotherly way. con is quiet we haven’t spoke much but when he dose he is so funny but apparently that’s just because it’s hard for him to talk to girls but he is more relicts know around me know and then there is brad we have a different relationship. it’s more flirty and i could tell him anything, i would honestly put my life in his hands and wouldn’t even have a second thought but he is different i have fallen for him truly and he docent know but when i am around him my tummy dose flips, i feel all ‘day dreamy’ and most of all i cant stop thinking about him. he is always there in the back of my mind but i will never get him and i know it as he hasn’t fallen yet but i have fallen to far and deep he wouldn’t be abel to catch me.

A/N: I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. IT IS SO DIFFERENT TO WHAT I HAVE DONE SO FAR THIS WAS INSPIRED BY A FRIEND OF MY’N THAT SADLY CUT’S (SELF-HARMS) SHE HASENT IN A WHILE BUT SHE DOSE GIVE ME INSPIRATION. IF YOU DO NEED HELP AND NEED SOMEONE TO TURN TO MARINA JOYCI HAS A VIDEO CALLED ‘resins NOT to kill yourself’ (its on youtube just type her name in) PLZ WATCH IT SHE IS A BIG INSPIRATION TO ME AND IT IS REALY HELPFUL THANKS BYEEEEE

 MEGANXXX