Pastel Boy

Pain Without Love

(Mark's POV) 

Jack really has been helping me so far. He's kept Sven, Jax, and Ace off my back, protected me constantly, and loves me for who I am. It's been so long since I've actually had someone other than family who loves me for me... 
But, it also hurt. He was doing all of this for me. I wasn't worth all the trouble I got him into... In fact, I didn't think I was worth much at all...

"Mark?" 
"Yeah?" 
"You okay." 
"I'm fine, Jack." 
"...Bullshit. You don't look fine." 
"Jack, I'm fine, really." 

He left it alone... until we got home. 

"Mark, please tell me what's wrong," he asked. "I hate seein' ya this way..." 
"Jack, I'm fine," I began, already feeling tears form. 
"Mark, yer startin' tuh' cry. What's tha' matter, babe?" 

Well, no holding back now... 

"Jack," I began, my breath hitching. "Why do you do this for me?" 
"What do ya mean?" 
"Fight for me? I'm not worth all the trouble..." 
"But you are. In fact, yer worth more than gold to me..." 
"I-I am?" 
"If I was tuh' choose between bein' rich or havin' you, I would choose you." 
"You would?" 
"Of course. If I didn't have you, I wouldn't be tha' same..."
"Jack, I'm not worth it..." I sobbed. "You would've been the same, had you not met me. Right now, you wouldn't have bullies planning to hurt you. You could've been so much happier and safer..."
"I don't care how safe I am. All I care about is you... Mark, whenever I'm around ya, it changes my world. Everythin's brighter, things seem right, and yer tha' only thing I can focus on... You've really changed me, Mark."

I started crying as he hugged me. I don't know how I'm supposed to get used to this...

(Jack's POV) 

It broke my fookin' heart tuh' see my angel breakin' down. Over somethin' as little as this, nonetheless. Why on God's green Earth would Mark ever think he's not worth it? Suddenly, Mark dashed to tha' bathroom. I raced after him, only to find him bein' sick again.

"Mark," I gasped. "Are ya alright?!"
"I don't feel so good, Jack..." 

He started tuh' faint, until I caught him. I looked at him; he was super skinny, he had dark circles under his eyes, his skin was dry, and I could tell his arms were swellin'. I looked up those symptoms, but only one thing came up: 

Anorexia Nervosa.

Then I remembered... Mark told me when we met that he doesn't eat much... Oh no. He's starvin' himself. He hasn't ate lunch in the past few days. He's drank some water, but that's about it. I was now worried that he was really in danger because of it. 
I had him get on tha' scale. He was a dangerous weight of 110. I had to get him some help. I went tuh' go get his mom. He tugged on my shirt and begged me not to. 

"Jack, please," Mark begged. "Please don't tell her! I don't want her to fret more about me than she already is." 
"Mark, ya need help. She can help you." 
"Jack, please don't." 

I did so anyway, and his mom rushed back. 

"Mark, honey," she gasped. "Why didn't you tell me?" 
"Mom, you don't understand," he cried. 
"Then tell me." 
"Mom... I just can't bring myself to eat anymore... I always look at myself in the mirror and think I'm too big..." 
"Mark, you are perfect the way you are. Anyone who disagrees is stupid to think so." 
"You just say that because you're my mom." 
"No, I say that because that's how it is. Jack agrees." 
"And so do Marzia and Felix," I added. 
"You brought them into this?!" Mark shouted at me, cryin'. "Why?!" 
"You need some support, Mark. Felix and Marzia were yer closest friends. I had no others tuh' ask." 
"Why couldn't you have just let me be?!" 
"Mark, if you keep this up, yer gonna die!" 
"WHAT IF I WANT TO?!" 

I was taken aback. Mark... wanted to die? 

"Mark..." 
"No, you listen! And you listen close! Do you understand how much SHIT I've been through in the past two years?! It's getting to be too unbearable! I can't take it anymore, Jack!"
"Mark-" 
"I just want you to leave me al-" 

I rushed in and hugged him tightly. He broke down and started hittin' my back hard. I didn't care... He needs this. His hits got weaker tha' more he broke down. 

"I just..." Mark sobbed. "I want my dad back..." 
"I know you do," I replied. "But think about how much better he is. He doesn't have tuh' be in pain anymore." 

Mark took that into consideration. 

"I... I-I never thought of it that way before," Mark replied, sniffling. "Thank you, Jack..."
"No problem, babe... If you EVER need tuh' talk to me, I'm right here fer ya." 

He smiled and wiped his eyes. He did allow himself tuh' get help. Finally... my pink-haired angel was gettin' better...