Love Me

1. "Kiss me."

A/N: Hey guys, this is a new idea I came up with, I don't know where this story will go exactly but hopefully it won't disappoint you :) please read, vote and comment!

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Zayn

I stood outside the house, my hand on the handle, but I didn’t have the heart nor the energy to face her just yet. Her, with her sea blue unloving eyes, her lips that were capable of forming into a heavenly smile, but weren’t generous enough to offer it to me, her touch that was electrifying yet void, her perfectly sculptured figure that I had every right to, yet, no right at all. I longed for her, every bone in my aching body was desperate for her touch, for the sensation that she managed to fill me with, only when she wanted. And I lived for those moments, those happy moments when he slipped her mind, and I wasn’t so repulsive. Those moments when she was capable of loving anyone other than him, when she’d smile at me playfully, when she’d touch me without shivering right after. Those were the moments that I had hoped and prayed would be a bit more repetitive, hopefully with time, permanent even.

She couldn’t deny my love for long, right?

Eventually, she’d realize that I was the one who’d always love her more, and my love would reflect on her, and maybe she’d love me back. She wouldn’t resent me forever. She’d forget him, and she’d love me. She had to, because, I loved her with everything in me. I’d take a bullet for her, even though, it felt like I had taken too many already, with every disgusted look from her merciless eyes, every time I held her and she cried his name, every time she’d literally fall into full shut down after I had felt her the way I was entitled to. I never forced her into any of it, she would willingly take me to bed, but I knew. I knew that it was to drown his sound which was always replaying in her messed up head, it was to drown his face which I knew she could see even during our most intimate moments. So bullets were nothing compared to this.

“ Lilly, I’m home.” I called, my voice small, hesitant, unwanted. There was no response, but I could smell something cooking from the kitchen, so that was where my feet had taken me. She was standing against the oven, her head hanging low, her shoulders tensed.

“ Are you alright?” I questioned, standing as far away from her as I possibly could, knowing that she didn’t need me right now. She probably never needed me. She turned to face me, tears staining that ever so beautiful face of hers, as she wiped beneath her eyes, wishing they’d stop.

“ I’m sorry, Zayn.” I swallowed the lump forming in my throat, an inevitable frown forming on my forehead at the sight of her so torn.

“ Sorry for what? Did something happen?”

Please God no.

Living with the shadow of him was enough, but to know that he had touched her the way I wasn’t able to, the way she hadn’t allowed me to, would have been absolutely terminal.  She shook her head, slowly approaching me.

“ I’m sorry I can’t make you happy. I’m sorry I can’t love you the way you deserve to be loved. I’m sorry I can’t love you back, but I’m trying. I swear, Zayn, I’m trying.” Her voice was choked by the following sobs departing her mouth, as she buried herself into my arms. She fit perfectly, her petite figure and my arms, almost as if they were made for one another.

“ It’s not your fault. I married you knowing that your heart wasn’t whole, and even the pieces weren’t all mine, but I love you, Lillian, and I wouldn’t take it back.”

Only, I would.

If I could unmeet her, I would.

I would at least un love her.

Or perhaps, I would try to meet her before him, maybe then, she’d love me first, and I would be enough.

“ Kiss me.” Her voice was desperate, and I knew she needed the distraction I resembled to her. I bent down slightly, before bringing my lips to hers. I felt it all and much, much more, and I knew she felt nothing. The only way for her to feel anything at all, was if she pictured him kissing her instead of me, and I was another picture from a reality that she didn’t want to face, a reality that she continued to run away from, preferring to live in the shadows with the picture of the man she would always love more.