DAMAGED

chapter10 ☪

•••
Kassie's POV

"I love you." He said carefully as I scanned his eyes, letting our hands find each other.
My heart began practicing for that marathon again as I replied, "I love you, too."
He pulled me up so that we were both standing and facing each other. I mentally reminded myself to keep breathing. His presence, his words, his actions... They were making me feel things I couldn't control.
Wolfie sighed. "I don't want to hurt you."
I didn't reply, thinking back to the day Zack had said the same thing.
Should I trust him?
At this point, I could've cared less. I'd already fallen too far in to back out.
That's what love does to you. It makes you want a person even if it hurts.
"I don't care." I mumbled.
"You don't, but I do. I don't want to let you get hurt." He whispered, inches away from my face.
I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Then don't."
Our lips collided against each other, and fireworks went off (in my mind, obviously). The impact was soft and slow at the beginning, but it gradually became more desperate and passionate, his hands holding on to me by my hips. My knees felt shaky, making me place my hands on his shoulders.
The fundamental need of oxygen was soon forgotten as I closed my eyes just to savor the moment for as long as I could.
Finally, though, our desire for breathing won over our desire for each other. I took quick, ragged breaths, still holding on to him.
My lips felt numb as our eyes locked.
"We should go." I spoke quietly, feeling my heart beat faster than light itself.
Wolfie nodded as I let go of him, my knees still wobbling.
~~~

We walked in silence all the way back to the car. I enjoyed the fact that despite there was none of us talking, there was no awkwardness.
I took out my phone and began scrolling through some social websites. I'd scrolled so rapidly down that I was looking at last year's posts.
I saw a picture of a girl drinking at a party. She was in twelfth grade last year, and now she's in college.
The caption was what surprised me.
"Wolfie," I said, "Why do you tell girls they can't be sober in order to...do it with you?"
"You don't have to know everything, Kassie." He growled.
I remained silent, unsure of what my reaction should be to this.
"I thought you trusted me." I said at last.
He sighed in annoyance. "I do, but that's not your problem, so don't try to be involved."
"I am not trying to be involved! I'm just asking," I replied defensively.
"Yeah, and I'm not answering." He retorted.
"It's not like I don't know what's happened in your life," I fired back.
He stopped walking. "No, you don't. You don't know anything. You don't know how fucking hard it is to come home every single day and get whipped with a wide variety of belts. You don't know how much I have to try to not hurt anyone back. You don't know about having so many bruises on your back that you can only be shirtless around drunk people."
Well, that answered my question.
"I'm so sorry." I whispered.
"No. That's the hardest part. The pity - I can't stand people saying 'Ooh, I feel sorry for you because I have a way better lifestyle with people who actually love me.'"
"Wolfie, that's not true." I said quickly, trying to calm him down.
"Oh, yeah? Name one person that loves me and isn't dead."
"I do. I love you."
"No. You don't. You feel sorry for me."
He began walking back to the car, but I stayed right where I was.
"Why do you just assume I don't love you?" I asked. "One minute, you tell me you love me and you believe me when I say I love you too, and then the next, I ask you a question and you completely flip."
"Who said I did believe you?" He retorted.
Ouch.
"You should believe me. When I say something, I mean it...And it's hard for me too, you know." I said, walking towards the car.
"I know that, Kassie. That's a fact. Love is just an opinion, remember? It can be false for all I know."
I frowned as I got into the car. "It can be, but it's not."
"I have no way of knowing that." He exhaled sharply before turning on the car. I put on my seatbelt, confused on everything that happened. Maybe I shouldn't have asked that question.
"So that's it, huh?" I asked. "It's the same things as always. You kiss me, and then you tell me those things-the things that lead me on-but then it always comes back to the same dead end. You act like nothing ever happened between us, and you treat me like I'm some sort of stranger. I don't understand you. I bet that right now, you're basically dying to leave me so that you can head to Esperanza's comfortable room and spend the night there having fun, just because I'm not doing that until marriage, and we all know that's a commitment you're not willing to make."
"Well, maybe if you weren't so damn stubborn, I wouldn't have to!" He replied as he parked the car at a nearby store.
I felt hurt at his sudden words. "I'm stubborn? You're the one who has constant mood swings, and honestly, I'm confused. Am I really your 'angel' that you're supposedly in love with, or am I just some annoying girl that won't give you what you want?"
"Right now, I don't know." He said, getting out of the car and slamming the door.
I went after him quickly, letting the tears that had welled up in my eyes slide down my face. "You're the one that doesn't love me." I whimpered before heading back to the car, getting in once again and closing the door.

But what hurt me the most was the fact that he turned around and left me without saying anything else.