DAMAGED

chapter12 ☪

•••
Kassie's POV

The dreadful Monday came by quicker than I thought. I didn't want to get out of bed, but I had no choice. The only way to turn off my alarm was if I got up and walked to get my phone.
I ignored the beeping for a few minutes, trying to calm down. I was waken up 6 times overnight by either Jarett or Tuvi, both of them complaining because I was crying and waking up the neighbors.
I didn't tell Jarett that I wasn't taking the pills. Even though I would wake up with wet cheeks, the memories were worse, I had imsomnia, and my thoughts on life didn't really make sense anymore, I decided to deal with it. My depression came by itself, not with medication. It will leave by itself, too, because I have no plans on opening the little container for a long time. I don't need pills to brainwash me and make me act happy when that's not how I truly feel on the inside.
As I reluctantly pulled myself up and turned off the alarm clock, I looked blankly at myself in the mirror. Normally, I would've immediately walked away, in fear that the memories would return along with the sad feelings. Maybe my appearance is the reason Zack left. Now, I didn't care.
What good is appearance if you have nobody to look beautiful for? What good is life if you have no one to share it with?
My head pounding, I picked out some simple clothes and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. Afterwards, I brushed my teeth and combed my hair.
No matter how many times I dried my eyes and tried to get at least one good hour of sleep, I'd wake up with a new layer of tears, and unfamiliar sobs escaping my mouth.
I started reflecting back to two years ago. My mom had been crying in the laundry room, the phone a few feet away on the floor. I had just arrived from a party with Zack. As soon as he dropped me off, I had opened the door to see the broken phone.
"Mom?" I called out, but there was no answer. I looked around and saw the door to the laundry room open upstairs. I ran as fast as I could and saw her sitting on the floor, her face covered by her hands. "Mom." I said, but I didn't receive an answer.
"What happened?" I asked, my heart pounding.
"Kassie...Your-Your dad..." She explained in between cries, "He won't be coming home this weekend."
I looked at the ground sadly, thinking of him having to stay in the army for another month.
"There's always next month, right?" I asked half-heartedly.
"Kassie, listen to me." She stood up to face me. "Your father is never coming back."
The next thing I remember, I was wailing along. "I hate this stupid life. Why'd he have to go, Mom?"
"These things happen, baby." She told me as I hugged her tightly. "No!" I whimpered. "It's okay to cry. Just let it all out, okay?" She comforted me, still crying herself.
A few days after the funeral I found out I had depression. I wouldn't eat. I wouldn't do anything. My mom told me that we needed to move on, and that he was watching over us, but I wouldn't listen. A couple of days afterwards, I came home to find my mom asleep on the couch. I had headed right to my room to grieve as always, forgetting the fact that the counselor and the therapist told me I needed to start on schoolwork again because I was failing the year.
I woke up the next day and found my mom asleep still. She was breathing, so I assumed she must've been tired of helping the therapist get me out of my current state.
I didn't feel anything. Zack had tried to comfort me, but nothing would work.
Two days later, my mom was still asleep...Except she wasn't breathing. I called emergency and went to the hospital. The doctors told me it was a suicide attempt. She was gone.

I found myself shaking as I put on my clothes to go to school. I tried not to remember what happened next, how I had to go to the foster home with all the fading rainbow drawings on the wall, and deal with all those kids either acting like me or laughing and making fun of me. There was a baby wailing every night.
I was very close with that baby. I knew that baby.
That baby was me.

I exhaled slowly, trying to stop thinking of the memories, but once one came, then so did the rest.
"No," I said aloud, trying to think joyful thoughts. Of course, that failed.
"Kassie," I heard Tuvi call. "Dad says we should go to school now. What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I lied, wiping my eyes with my sleeve.
"Why are you crying?" She asked.
"I'm homesick, okay?" I said, trying not to get too agitated.
"But...But this is your home," She whispered.
I found this incredibly sweet of her and managed a small smile. I hugged her before grabbing my duffle bag to leave. "Let's go."
The poor girl was probably scared of my anxiety attacks overnight.
We said goodbye to Jarett and I drove to her elementary, dropping her off.
Afterwards, I headed to my school. Thinking of seeing Wolfie again frightened me. He doesn't believe I love him, and I don't believe he loves me. What will become of us? What if I see him kissing Esperanza, or worse, in the janitor's closet with her?
I sighed and parked my car. I got out of it and locked it.
I walked inside the school and found my locker. I stuffed my unnecessary things in it before locking it.

~~~

Before long, I was in first period. Art class.
I sat down next to Jerry. "Kassie, did you hear?" He asked.
I shook my head, unsure of what he was asking.
"Wolfie got in trouble with some guy." He began, seemingly trying not to die of laughter.
I frowned at him. "Why is that funny?"
He clapped his hands together, laughing even harder.
"The guy expects...Wait for it...An apology!" He was red now, tears from the laughing welled up in his eyes.
Rumors spread like wildfire here. Wow.
"And?" I asked.
"So? Radke doesn't do apologies."
I rolled my eyes just as Wolfie came behind him and cleared his throat.
"Speaking of the no-apology guy," Jerry practically screamed, still laughing.
"Get out of my chair, or you'll see who will be the next person apologizing." Wolfie threatened, his fists clenched.
"Sorry," Jerry giggled before leaving.
I sighed and put my head down as the teacher tried to take attendance over all the talking.
"Kassie." Wolfie shook me gently.
I bit my lip before sitting up straight.
"I don't want to argue today." I mumbled, yawning afterwards.
"Me neither. Get up." He ordered, and I did as told.
He stood up too. "Let's ditch this shit."
"I almost failed the year in 8th grade. I can't be-" I began, but it was no use because he grabbed my arm and pulled me out of class. "What about Mrs. Garet?" I asked, too tired to be stubborn and stay in class.
"She won't care. Besides, we've all been close to failing a year. It happens to everyone. I almost failed seventh and tenth grade." He shrugged.
The thing that amuses me is the way he acted as if the fight never happened.
"Why?" I asked as we walked out of school and to the parking lot.
"Spanish." He muttered under his breath.
"You don't know spanish?"
"No."
I stayed quiet. I had always known spanish. It was the easiest subject for me.
He stopped walking, making me stop as well. "I know you're mad at me. You have every reason to be." He started. "I know you didn't like our...um...discussion. I don't exactly have the best temper. It's a family thing. I just need to get everything straightened out between us."
"You're nothing like your parents." I told him.
"You've never even met them." He said. "I'm being serious. Kassie, I don't...I don't think I want to lose you. The impact that has on me consists of illegal drinking."
"Okay. You have to tell me what you want to do and what you want us to be, because I can't just-" I started, but he pressed his lips to mine without letting me finish.
"I want you to be mine. Only mine." He told me.
"Will you stop kissing and touching other girls?" I asked.
He nodded.
"Alrighty." I shrugged.
He hugged me tightly, spreading happiness through me. I found myself smiling.
"I still love you." He confessed afterwards.
Well, would you look at that? Happiness can actually get bigger.
"I love you. Just promise me something." I said shyly.
Wolfie nodded. "Okay."
"If-If I'm going to let you be with me, can you try not to hurt me?"
"Don't be stupid. I'm not going to try to hurt you, angel."
My heart skipped a beat excitedly as he leaned in to kiss me. Our lips crashed against each other, my headache beginning to leave.
"I don't want us to kiss, argue, and not speak to each other before starting all over. I don't want that cycle every time." I mumbled as he held me close to him.
"We won't."
"Now what?" I asked.
He shrugged. "Keep kissing me."
I followed directions and softly let our lips touch.
"You're my angel. Nobody else's. Remember that." He told me, and that's when I realized that this time, it was real.