TO BE CONTINUED ( h styles )

vi.

— "if you'll excuse me," juniper stood up from her seat on kit's living room floor after finishing her food. "i need a fag." the girl confessed before heading out into her brother's back garden.

as she stepped out into the cold night air, juniper wrapped her jacket closer around her and searched through her pockets for her packet of cigs and a lighter. finding those items fairly quickly, juniper lit up and took a drag from the nicotine stick. she inhaled slowly, her system responding to the smoke as she felt as if her lungs were being wrapped in a warm blanket. taking small, slow draws of the cigarette, she felt peaceful and carefree for the first time in a week. 

she can't have been out there for more than five minutes when she heard the door behind her open and shut again. when she was greeted with the sight of her brother, she held her index finger in front of him as a notion to wait while she got out her box of cigarettes again. juniper flicked open the box and outstretched it towards kit.

"no, thanks." he shook his head.

"what?" juniper said with furrowed eyebrows. "i thought you smoked?"

"not anymore. well, not since rose moved in." kit explained, smiling slightly at the thought of his fiancee. "she doesn't like it."

"right, i understand." juniper nodded before taking another drag.

"i thought you gave up." kit questioned back. "i can't remember seeing you smoke since, um 2015, maybe."

juniper nodded. "and, dear brother, answer me this." she said. "in those two years, what was the one constant in my life?"

kit thought about her question momentarily before his face suddenly dropped. "oh." he said, solemnly. it didn't need to be said.

"yeah."

"so you're just immediately going back to how you used to be, now that he's gone?"

"its not that, kit." juniper sighed, letting her ciggy drop from her index and middle finger and stomping on it with the toe of her boot. "its that when i was with him i was so happy that i didn't need all this shit." she said desperately. "i need these" she gestured the box of nicotine sticks "to distract myself from the ache that's in my heart all the fucking time now." she said, rubbing her forehead and not meeting her brother's concerned gaze.

"just fags?" kit asked, warily. "no powder?"

"no powder." juniper confirmed, drawing a cross over her heart with her index finger.

"june, if you were so happy with harry, why aren't you with him right now?" kit asked his sister softly, taking her hand in his as a sign of comfort.

"i was happy with harry. he's perfect, how couldn't i be? everything was good for so so long. i think we were both tricked into thinking it would stay like that forever." juniper smiled sadly at the thought of her ex boyfriend. as she was speaking she could feel the ache in her gut return and her eyes beginning to sting slightly with tears forming. "but for the last 6 months, maybe, i never saw him, he never saw me. and when we did see each other, it just wasn't the same. we were fucking tired, and complacent, and grumpy." juniper shrugged and rubbed underneath her eyes quickly to avoid another floodgate of emotions opening, as they had earlier. she sniffed quickly. "we both knew that it wasn't the same, that we weren't happy anymore. but um, i was the only one of us to mention it. suddenly i couldn't um, give him what he needed. i loved him, but i couldn't make him happy. and harry deserves to be happy. not just some of the time, but every fucking second he's with someone. so i broke up with him." juniper finished and looked up at her brother for a response.

instead of responding to her story, like she'd expected him to. kit surprised juniper by hugging her tightly again.

"wow." she chuckled. "you probably haven't hugged me for a whole year and tonight i've got two in one night."

"you'll be alright, j." kit mumbled. "promise."