Silenced Mind

Chapter 2

You've lived 16 years with only four constants in your life: your mom, your dog, your doctor and your daily routine. You've been holding unto those four things your entire life, everything else is fleeting. Everything else is like a blur dancing in the background outside the glass wall you surrounded yourself.

But then she came, with that blinding smile and clean black shoes. You expected her to be another blur but instead you were met with a clear focus. You never had the urge to get to know someone like the feeling you get with her but it seems like she likes to defy your rules.

It wouldn't be an issue if it's just you that noticed her. All your life, you've been a wallflower, it's okay to observe but not to interact. The problem began when she noticed you too.

Well, she didn't just notice you. She actually choose to spend more time with you than anybody else.

She's charming. That's the first thing you noticed. Everybody wanted to be her friend, and yet she chose you. You were confused. As confused as your classmates thinking why the cool new transfer prefers to stick to the one girl nobody bothered to know.

It started with her following you around. One minute your alone, the next, she's beside you talking your ear off about some random thing that happened to her. Then, she began showing up during lunch, eating beside you like it's the most natural thing in the world. She never questioned why you have to wipe your table four times before taking out your lunchbox. She never commented on the way your lunch is divided by color and how you eat them according to the arrangement of the rainbow. She just observes then talk about random things just like she normally does.

She even convinced to walk home with you after she knew that you live a few blocks from her. She got used to walking at your left cause you prefer the right side.

She slowly but surely integrated herself to your life. Of course, your mom was thrilled. You have a friend and for her, that's a monumental development in your life. Even your dog was thrilled, Dennise managed to charm him as well.

"Ly, I've been in your house a lot of times, but I haven't seen your dad. Is he abroad?"

It's a Saturday, most of the time Dennise hangs out at your house during Saturdays. She insisted, you both have a day together devoid of school stuff. She calls it 'proper hanging out'. It's also the time, you 'talk.'

"He left when I was 8. Never saw him again."

You don't really talk about him. You don't really know what to feel about him. You don't really feel anything about him.

"Why did he leave?"

"I don't know. All I know is that he and my mom fought alot." You hardly remembered him. Even when he was around, he really wasn't. Your childhood was mostly with your mom and the doctor. The little attention he gave you vanished the time you were diagnosed.

"About me mostly." You added quietly. It took sometime before she replied,

"You know it's not your fault that he left right? Some people are just assholes."  She seemed tense. Like the time she yelled at that boy who called you a freak.

"My mom told me the same thing. Well not the a-word but the context is the same." You tried to lighten the mood without really answering her question. Because why else will he leave?

"I can't imagine your mom saying it anyway." She chuckled a little but sit a little closer to you. She's touchy but she's still tentative about touching you. She knows your boundaries and she respects that.

"Uhm, do you still think about him?"

"No, I don't." You said honestly. "Does that make me bad person?"

"No, it doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human." It stuns you how she knows how to say the right words. She gently takes your hand, you flinch a little but relaxed after a moment.

"Ly, I just want you to know that you are different, different in a good way, and that makes you special. Your the cleanest person I know, and my dad's a doctor so that's really an achievement." She laughs.

"And your the most loyal, honest, and pure person I've ever met. And I- I don't know why people don't see that. All I know is that I'm lucky to be a part of your life. Your amazing Ly." She talked with so much passion, desperate for you to understand that she means everything she said. It feels like your heart will burst from your chest.

All your life you've been judged by people. You're used to it. But this? This kind of acceptance astounds you. It's scary how simple words can make a big impact to someone, how words can resound so deeply and mold into a memory you never want to forget.

You knew the first time you met her that she's different. You just didn't know how much of a difference she'll make in your life. Slowly but ever so surely, she became your fifth constant.