Tough love

Chapter 17-everyone gose through dark times

Dear diary
Today was not a good day. Well some parts of the day I guess it was. Anyways today I felt excluded like I do every day. I also found out that Emmalyn talks behind my back a lot to Eden. Eden has gotten nicer by saying that she just flows with whatever Emmalyn says but right now i don't know who to trust. During every day of my life I feel like an outsider. Like I was a mistake and I am not supposed to be here. I always feel lost and have no idea where I am and who I am everyday. I don't even know why I am here. Sometimes I wonder if I was born to regret my life. Cause of how terrible it is. Like how every minute of every day I want to cry. Even when I smile it is fake to hide all the sadness and self hate I have for myself. Every day I look into my bathroom mirror and see someone who I don't know. I always think that I am tricking myself to what I see back in the mirror. When grade 4 started that's when I discovered my self hate. I also didn't know who cared about me and who was actually my friend. I was alone for that whole year. I smiled to hide away all of my hate and anger and tears. That's why almost every night I cry or I try not to cry. This year I have gone through so many obstacles in my life that have broken me. That have just brought me down to zero. Then I get back up to one hundred. Trying to find my way in the world. Cause I know crying solves nothing. I am still hurt and broken today but I am starting to build my self up from zero to one hundred. I am also very confused and concerned about ace right now. Cause one point of the day he was so sad that I was so close to crying then I see him smile. I am so confused right now and I really want to know what he's going through. I also really want to help him and every person who is in the dark right now. I want to help them reach the light again. So I guess everyone will enter the dark and some point of there life.
-Astra