✔️Be With You || Beyoncé • Jay Z

💋 Chapter Thirty One

I heard an another knock coming from the door that separates me from my mother. My eyes were puffy and red and I don't think these tears will stop from flowing. My cries still heard from the outside and my mother kept calling my name, I just ignored her. Even though I've been in here for like hours, she stayed with me from the outside.

"Baby, you gotta eat." My mom said and as usual, I was just staring, nothing particularly. She knocked again and this time I looked at the sink, thinking maybe I should go out and get some fresh air instead. I stood and the world around me started spinning and my eyes almost blacked out, but I got my balance and senses back.

I washed my face and looked at the mirror. I look so horrible. My hair was a little bit messy and fuzzy, my make-up was ruined and my eyes were like zombie's eyes. I don't think he'll like to see me like this. Once again, another knock, interrupting my thoughts.

"I'll be out in a minute." I manages to say. My voice were croaked and hoarse from crying. I cleared my throat and looked again at myself. I washed my face again and used the face towel to dry my face. I sighed and walked towards the door.

I thought about it once more.

I reached out my hand for the door knob.

I hate doctors.

I held the doorknob.

It just hurts to know that someone died.

I twisted it.

Especially, when that someone came from inside me.

I pushed the door.

Because I was careless.

I saw my mom sitting on the bed with a worried face.

And knowing that I'm infertile.

My mom hurriedly went to me and placed his hands around my face, checking me out. "Oh my God, baby." She hugged me tight and I hugged her too. I was hesitant at first but it was very comforting but I did eventually.

"Ma, it's okay. I'm fine." I nonchalantly said. I didn't mean to come at it like in a rude way but I just don't feel like talking about it for now. I had too much tears and if I talked about it again, I'll probably be out of tears, even though it's impossible.

"I'm sorry baby. I know it's hard but if you need someone to talk to, I'll be here okay?" She said, comforting me.

I slowly nodded. "I know mama."

"Does he know it already?" Was the last thing I want to hear.

I haven't told him and I wasn't sure if I should. I don't know what Jay feels about having a child. I don't know if he even wants it or not. I know we're not yet ready to have a child but what if we had one, what will happen to us? Hell, we're not even married and what would the media say about us? I just don't know if I should or should not tell him.

"I..." I couldn't finish just because I really don't know what I should do. "I... don't know what to do, mama." I said feeling the tears forming up again.

My mama guided me on the bed to sit and she sat next to me and caressed my back for reassurance. "Jay deserves to know about it Bey. I know you're thinking a lot of things lately but you and him should have a talk about it.I respect what your decision will be, just think about it carefully."

* * *

It's around 11 in the evening and Jay haven't been home for hours and I'm getting worried. I know he called me five hours ago saying he'll be late because he's doing a new project for his protégé, Rihanna. I just hope he doesn't do anything stupid. You know what I mean.

I wanted to sleep but I can't. I kept turning around the bed, from left to right. I gave up and stood up, grabbing my robe and placing it around my body then went downstairs to the kitchen to give myself something to drink, probably a juice or water. Anything that could wet my throat, I seriously think that I lost all my water inside my body.

As I drink my water, I heard the door and the keys clanging. I assumed it's Jay so I opened the lights then finished my water. As I placed the bottle back to the refrigerator, I heard the door closed. I walked out of the kitchen and saw Jay, taking off his shoes and cap while rubbing his eyes.

"Baby..." I called out for him and he looked up at me. My baby looks so tired.

"Bey." He said and we hugged, he smelled different. It wasn't smoke. It wasn't beer. It's just different. "You been waiting for me?"

"I couldn't sleep so I just went downstairs to drink." I explained. "Where have you been?" I asked.

He moved away from me and made his way to the kitchen, I followed behind. "I called you right? I'm at the studio with my new artist and some of my crew." He said grabbing a glass.

"I've been texting and calling you. Why haven't you been answering either of them? You could've told me you're busy." I said in my calm tone.

"Look Bey, I don't want to argue right now." He said after pouring himself a water then drinks it.

"Who says we're arguing?" I rose my eyebrow then sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you." I said, approaching him with a hug.

"It's okay Bey." He sighed.

I thought about what my mother had said to me. Should I tell him or not? I have to right?

"Jay, I have something to tell you." I started.

He turned around to me and held both of my shoulders. "Can it wait Bey? I'm tired and I want to rest."

I was taken aback by his answer but it's fine because I really don't know how to say it to him. "Oh... okay."

He kissed me in my forehead. "Just tell me tomorrow okay?"

"Okay." I softly told him.

• • •

Another short chapter but Oh well 🤷🏽‍♀️

How's the chapter?

What can you say about Bey's miscarriage?

What can you say about Bey being infertile?

What do you think of Jay's actions?