Time-Out

Words Fail

(no smut but some heartbreak cause I like the drama)

Jongdae has Minseok's sweatband stuffed into the pocket of his track pants. He is going to return it today and he spent most of last night thinking about how he will go about this. He feels like he barely slept but still, he is almost hyperactive. He jumps at every small sound and he stumbles twice as much as he usually would. Last night Jongdae wrote out his confession and then immediately tore it up to shreds because love letters are way too cheesy. But at least he now knows what he wants to say. He has recited the words in his head over and over again but still he is not sure if he will really be able to deliver them just like that. Actually he wrote and tore up the letter at least ten times. Because no matter how often he tries it's either too cheesy and over the top or not enough to express his emotions. Somehow it's incredibly difficult to draw a line somewhere between 'Hey I kinda really like you' and 'I love you, you are my universe, my moon and all of my stars'. There seems to be no way to express love that isn't either too casual or too poetically deluded. And in the end Jongdae always ends up where he started. An empty piece of paper in front of him and a big mess of words in his mind.

Jongdae decided to wait until the end of football practice to talk with Minseok alone. Maybe that will make things at least a little easier. Also, things like that should just be said with no one else around. After all, Minseok prefers coming out in person and so does Jongdae.

But the practice ends before Jongdae is sure how he is really going to go about this, but he knows that it has to happen now. Because if he doesn't do it now he might never do it. Once the others are dismissed some of them rush to the locker rooms while the others stay behind to get everything back where it belongs. Minseok is part of the second group. On any other day, Jongdae would use this chance to shower as quickly as possible and leave before he has another awkward encounter with Minseok. Today he is going to deliberately make that encounter happen. And he will probably also make it awkward.

"Um, Minseok, could I talk to you for a moment?", Jongdae asks while carefully tapping Minseok's shoulder to attract his attention. Minseok, who just finished yelling instructions at two guys trying to take apart the goal, turns around to face Jongdae with a somewhat knowing smile. Like he expected this conversation to happen.

"Sure. Is this about yesterday?", he asks back. Jongdae reaches into the pocket of his track pants, hand clutching around the sweatband. Should he return it right now or wait a bit longer?

"Yeah, kinda...", Jongdae replies. Well, in some way what he is going to say now is a reaction to what happened yesterday. His hand lets go of the sweatband again and instead he starts fiddling with his fingers behind his back. Minseok gives him an encouraging smile, as he asks his next question.

"So have you decided to come out?"

"Um, I guess so", Jongdae mutters. If he's going to be together with Minseok he might as well come out. Jongdae doesn't really like the idea of a secret relationship. He wants the whole world to know how much he is in love with Kim Minseok. But the first step to that is letting Minseok know. He'll see about the rest of the world once that is out of the way. But he is sure that once that first step is taken the rest of the world will be conquered easily. 

"That's great Jongdae! As I told you, there is nothing to worry about but that's still a really brave decision. Just one small thing, some general words of advice I guess, it's best to keep relationships out of the team. I mean it can totally happen that you end up crushing on one of the guys but it's best to not act on those feelings. You know it just makes things really awkward for everyone and also those relationships never really go well. You know Baekhyun and I went to the same middle school, he also left together with me. So he switched schools after his first year. Lot of things happened back then, I think it's better when he tells you himself, he's pretty open about this stuff. Anyways, have you thought about when and how you want to do it? Might be best when you do it next time we all go out somewhere. Doing it in a more casual context might make things easier. But that's totally up to you."