Suspicions (Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 24

Harry's POV

She shuts the door quietly and leaves.

What?

I shift my gaze to the ominous notepad. Without hesitation I turn to the first page.

I look in the mirror and hate what I see,

a broken down girl, staring back at me.

Her eyes are swollen, her skin pale as snow,

'If I disappear, will anyone know?'

That was the first thing I read when I saw this. I couldn't read anymore, I couldn't stand it. But this time, now that I know the reasons, it makes a lot more sense. I hesitantly turn to the next page.

Dirty whore.

Who could ever love you?

Fucking skank.

The page is filled with it. Cunt. Slag. Whore. The ink is smudged from where she no doubt sobbed her precious eyes out.

"The only reason I took you, was that no one would never know you were gone." That's what he said. And by now, I think he's right.

The next page is almost like a diary entry. It makes my legs go weak, I sit on the sofa.

June 30th 2013,

I love my early birthday present. Trent got it for me. I think he might love me, giving me this. I've used it already, I couldn't hold on, he let me do it in front of everyone. He gave me motivation, he's funny when he calls me names. But I'm not allowed to laugh. But his friends say he's very funny so I believe it's all a big joke.

I used it again in the bathroom today, when he wanted a shower. He took me with him and suggested I should show him. He says I love him. Do I?

I did it again. Of course you love him! He's - he's.. him! He gave me my shiny new present. How could I say I don't love him when he loves me so much?

-

We played some games then. I was his prisoner. I wasn't allowed to use my present until I satisfied him. He still hasn't given it back.

Am I not good enough? He always says I'm pathetic and worthless. Is it not a joke? Doesn't he love me? Did I do something wrong? Am I a pathetic fucking whore like he says I am? How am I not? Look at me! I'm worthless.

I hate me. I'm not good enough.

No one ever loved me.

Robin, no. A tear slips down my cheek as I stare at the page. How could she think like that. She's wonderful, dare I say perfect. My Robin went through all that alone. She thought such fucking horrible things. She thought he fucking loved her! She thought she loved him! That bastard, I should have killed him right there and then.

But this doesn't answer any of my questions. Why does she still? I flip to the next page. There's ne word written over and over again in no order or form.

Die

I don't let my mind get to deep into that subject. I skip to the back of the book not wanting to know what else is hidden in the book. I find a more recent entry and begin to read,

September 12th 2013

Today, Niall asked me to a pool party on Saturday. For obvious reasons I declined, but Niall being Niall wouldn't take I haven't got any swimming gear for an answer. He found out today. I hate myself for doing this, every time. I spring it on them and put loads of pressure on them. So I cut again. On my ankle this time, just so it wouldn't look so obvious. I swear, one day, I will stop.

Steptember 22nd 2013

Niall told me to bin the blades. I couldn't, I was physically incapable. Mentally I was dying, screaming for them not to go as I watched Niall take the trash bag to the dump. I don't intend on using it but I hid his. It was his sign of care towards me, even if it was twisted, it showed he wanted me to feel relief.

October 31st 2013

I'm wearing a penguin all in one. A fucking penguin. I can't help but laugh at myself sometimes. It was the only costume that would cover all my scars. Niall noticed my frequent fidgeting with my wrists and took me over to one corner. I cried and I cried. I couldn't stand the feeling of disappointing the closest people to me. I couldn't control myself this time, the costume is in shreds and my thighs are fire red and burning. The cool blood against my hot thigh was satisfying though, it was worth it.

Niall is watching me from the doorway as I write in my notebook. Maybe one day I'll show this to him. Or someone I trust at least.

I turn the next page, about halfway through the book and don't know how to feel when I see two perfectly scribed sentences;

My plan to be happy didn't involve Harry. Yet this is the happiest I've ever been.

A.N. HII!! Soo shorter chapter and it took me a while to get this one right.. I'm better at the diary entries than the quotes :S THANKS SO MUCH FOR 1.1K READERS!! WHOOP WHOOP! PARTEY AT ÉRMITES! (thats french for hermit - we looked it up ;) )

I definately recommend...

Psycho Sitter / / Harry Styles

my god, I think I've got an addiction to dark crazy Harry atm, he is so effing hot in this!

LURRRRV,

Mama Hermit x