i don't need your help //BWWM

cry

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I'm adding songs to important chapters! Also this is a very long chapter, yay!

TW: drug abuse/ s*xual assault

Song: Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
//
Adisa

I can't stand having to wake up everyday. My life is becoming pointless. I do the same things every single day. I'm unhappy and I feel dead inside. While I was crying in bed, I got up from bed.

My room was a complete disaster. It looked as if a tornado went through my room. I was way too lazy to tidy up my room. I picked up my outfit from my bed. It was a bright yellow turtleneck sweater and ripped black jeans.

My outfit made me appear happier. Maybe the bright color would help improve my mood.

I honestly didn't want to shower. I know it sounds gross but I just can't physically do it. I walked to my bathroom and brushed my teeth. I looked at my face and spotted my dark circles. My skin was getting lighter for an unknown reason.

I sighed while turning on the fachect*.  I could feel my eyes tearing up. Soon after that, I couldn't stop crying. I splashed my face with water. I just couldn't stop crying, I was pannicking.

I was running out of breath. Moving uncontrollably, I was pacing through the tiny bathroom.

I then fell on the cold tiled floor. I crumbled in a ball, on the bottom cabinet. I was clutching my face and squeezing it until it hurt. I was crying on the cold floor for about seven minutes.

I was relaxed and relieved after a few minutes. My phone was buzzing, I took it out of my pocket. The girl from the party, Steph was calling me. I smiled a bit and quickly answered the phone.

"Hey Adisa! Girl, what's up?"

"Nothing much, just doing some homework. How about you?" I asked while sniffling.

"I'm great! I'm just getting ready for a party." She exclaimed.

"Cool, who's party?" I asked with a curious tone.

"Some guy named Samuel. He's in my English class. I think he's friends with your man." She said while I heard rustling in the background.

"Oh I see. Wait what man? I'm single." I mumbled with confusion.

"Oh nevermind. It's going to absolutely suck without you. Would you like to come with Carl and I?" She asked while humming.

"Sure, um thanks."

"Okay, we'll pick you up at 9:30 PM. Before I hang up, can you help me pick an outfit? Here hold on, let's facetime." She said while I heard rustling again.

She appeared on the screen. Steph quickly put her long curly brown hair in a ponytail. She then held up two dresses on the screen. One was a short red dress with gold sequins. The other one was a black dress with silver studs on the breast area.

"Come on, help me out here. Which one?"

"Choose the black one, it's casual yet noticeable. Also you should pair it with some gothic platforms." I said while tidying up my bun.

She nodded.

"Thanks! I'm gonna get ready now. See you at 9:30 PM. Mwah." She answered while blowing a kiss.

She walked towards the phone and tapped the screen. The facetime call ended.

Steph is kind and expressive. I honestly cannot wait to be friends with her. She has a bright personality plus she was black like me. Steph has a black mom and a white dad. It kind of felt nice to befriend someone from your race. Maybe that was a black thing?