close // shyland

o n e

"I got this close to The Gabbie Show and it was almost over."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was a little stuffy in the room from the previous night time activities and the fact that it was mid-summer in Los Angeles, so I wasn't upset getting out of bed this morning. I quietly stepped from the closet to the bathroom to shower and begin my day. Uno had to be taken to the groomers for a hair cut and nail trimming and then, because I enjoy pain and have not been eating well, I planned to hike. As the warm water from the shower head cascaded down my back, I thought of more things to do today but not in a stressful way. More so an excited and ready to do stuff way. I hopped out of the shower soon and dress myself trying to remain quiet as to not wake Shane. But as I fixed my hair in the mirror I heard his voice talking to Cheeto. Shocking he was awake before 3 in the afternoon. I step out of the bathroom and see Shane in bed on his phone with Cheeto laying on his stomach.

"Take a picture to prove he loves me." He said chuckling and looking at me. I smiled walking towards our bed to sit with him.

"What are you doing today?" I asked him, checking my email on my phone.

"Going to Gabbie's to collab remember?" He said petting Cheeto softly. I nodded.

"Dinner plans still on?" I asked grabbing my shoes from under the bed.

"Course." He smiled moving towards me causing Cheeto to flee from our bed. I met his kiss halfway and ran my hand through his fluffy hair and smiled as he pulled back.

"I gotta go Uno's appointment is soon." I said grabbing the leash.

"Alright babe be safe I love you." Shane said smiling at me.

"I love you too." I said hooking Uno to his leash and exiting our room.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I was exhausted. Uno's appointment took forever because he would not sit still, there were so many groceries to buy, and the hike was hardly fun. In total, I'd been gone for nearly 5 hours. Which is why I was surprised to see Shane's car still here as I assumed he would still be at Gabbie's. I shuffle in my pocket for the house keys all the way to the door with an eager Uno at my leg. I get the door unlocked and Uno runs in first. I roll my eyes and step into the house and close the door.

"Shane?" I call out to see if he's here. Before I could get an answer, I looked up to my couch. Shane is laying across the longest part of the couch with Gabbie straddling him. She's leaning down towards him and their faces and lips were nearly touching. I stand and stare until Shane moves to look towards my direction meaning he heard me.

"Hey Ryland." He smiled. I could see Gabbie wave at me as she got off Shane. Why were they acting so calm in what I just caught them doing? Shane gave me a confused look because I was unmoving in the doorway with bags in my hand and hurt slapped on my face. "Do you need help with those?" He asked standing from the couch but not approaching me as he does when he senses something off with me.

"What's going on?" I finally speak.

"Well..." Shane starts but Gabbie cuts him off looking up from her phone.

"I just came over instead because my place is an actual mess." She chuckled. Shane smiled and nodded as if to confirm the validity of what Gabbie said.

"So, do you need help?" Shane asked again deciding to step towards me. I didn't answer him and walked to the kitchen to place the bags down. I began putting stuff away and I could hear talking from the living room before I heard the front door open and shut and Gabbie's figure walking away. Soon Shane met me in the kitchen.

"Gabbie left now will you tell me what's wrong?" He asked bluntly. He wasn't typically one to beat around the bush because of his own anxieties.

"Are you cheating on me?" I asked surprising myself at what came from my mouth and Shane. He shook his head taking the salsa from my hands and closing the fridge door that separated us. His wide eyes of concern met mine.

"Ryland no why would you think that?" He asked concern on his every feature.

"What was that with Gabbie?" I asked pointing towards the living room.

"We were making a thumbnail." He said. I sighed heavily rolling my eyes. "Plus, I heard you and Uno coming, your keys in the door, and heard you call my name. If I was cheating I wouldn't have stayed in that position for you to find me in." He tried to reason.

"So, you're saying you're sneakier than that?" I asked raising my eyebrows staring at him. He rolled his eyes groaning.

"Ryland no. I'm not cheating on you. I'm sorry I didn't...ask before doing that kind of thumbnail." Shane apologized.

"Ask? I'm not your mother." I said looking away from him once more to continue putting things away.

"What do you want me to say then?" He asked his voice rising in volume slightly.

"I'm not going to tell you how to apologize to me." I said raising my voice to match his.

"You make no sense, I apologized what is your deal?" He asked standing in front of me as to block my way. It wasn't an intimidation tactic. He hated when I did other things instead of pay attention to him when we're fighting but I couldn't help it. It makes me feel stronger and gives me a distraction, but I knew it made him sad, so I didn't try to move around him. Instead I stared up at him with my eyebrows raised.

"My problem is whatever the fuck just happened on my couch in my home." I said crossing my arms. Shane looked deeply annoyed as he ran his hand through his hair.

"I apologized for that." He said his voice lower than before. A tell-tale sign he was through and through over our fight and annoyed.

"That's not even the point." I mumbled pushing past him. How dare he act annoyed when this was all his doing.

"Then what is Ryland?" He asked following me as I walked into the living room. I groaned loudly and turned around my chest lit ablaze.

"The issue is that you do this literally all the time with everyone. You end up in suggestive positions and situations with everyone always and never seem to consider how the fuck that makes me feel. You're always flirting or taking suggestive pictures with other people but say it's only for the video. Truthfully, that doesn't make it any better. I sit around watching all these things go down and watch you hang around your exs and you don't even bat an eyelash in my direction. And never have you thought to ask me how I feel about these things. You don't need to ask me for permission but a fucking heads up would be just lovely but that's too much clearly." I ranted not noticing my voice had become incredibly loud and I had gotten closer to Shane. He was staring at me with sad eyes and I could tell my words hit him hard.

"Why..." I cut him off knowing what he was going to ask.

"I didn't want to seem like a jealous boyfriend."

"You wouldn't have seemed like that to me." Shane said quietly. I shook my head stepping back.

"But I would have to myself." I said in truth. I never wanted to feel jealous and I never had before. I suspect that because Shane is my first real boyfriend that I am scared. I see my whole future with him and I don't want to lose it. Shane looked out of words and I was out of energy to speak. I turned around and began walking up the stairs to our room. I shut the door and listened. I didn't hear footsteps up the stairs. He didn't follow me. He hardly ever did after a fight to allow me to cool down but this was a bigger fight than normal, so I didn't know when he'd come back up. I walked into the bathroom brushing my teeth and changing my clothes for bed despite it only being late in the evening. I had no energy and I definitely didn't want to go out to eat. I laid in bed opening my laptop going to twitter in an attempt to tire myself out. I saw usual tweets from my friends and co-workers of projects, their kids, significant others, and selfies. But I came across another tweet.

@ShaneDawson: :(

I sighed closing my laptop and slipping under the covers to fall into a restless sleep.