close // shyland

s i x

My hands sweated as I made my way to the all too familiar door. I wasn't sure what to do as I stared at it. Do I knock? Do I just walk in? I turned around to exhale a heavy breath from my pounding chest and turned back around to the door. I raised my hand, deciding to knock when the door flung open by itself. I came face to face with Shane. He looked tired. His eyes were bloodshot and had dark circled underneath. He was wearing a very large shirt with stains and his hair was standing up in every direction. He looked tired and sad.

"I, uh, saw you from the cameras." Shane said not meeting my eyes but moving his all around the space around me.

"Can I...come in?" I asked him, and he nodded immediately.

"Yeah, it's still you're house." He smiled looking into my eyes before it dropped and so did the gaze. He moved to the side to let me in and shut the door behind me. I wasn't sure where or how to stand. I felt uncomfortable in my home. I felt uncomfortable near Shane. I didn't like it. I could feel his eyes on me, so I faced him hoping to catch his eyes, but he avoided the eye contact.

"Hi." I said. It was the only thing that came to my mind and I was desperate to solve the awkwardness.

"Hey." He said back quieter than I had spoken.

"How are you?" I asked before cringing at the question that I knew the answer to. Shane scoffed.

"Peachy." He said laced with sarcasm and I smiled at the familiarity but flinched at the anger. "My boyfriend has been M.I.A. for four days and left me unsure of where our relationship stands despite knowing I have anxiety about that, so yeah I've been sleeping great." He said finally meeting my eyes with anger. I understood it and this time I didn't get defensive.

"I know that was a shitty thing to do and I'm so sorry. I was hurt." I said. He looked confused.

"How were you hurt?"

"I didn't know where you were and then I saw you laughing and smiling and having a great time with Garrett and I was...jealous and pissed off. And to be fair you said you were done with me." I explained not raising my voice. I was so done with the arguing and I hoped he was too.

"I...I know. I didn't mean that...or like that. I meant I was done not being able to talk to you and fighting about this. It all came out wrong because I was angry. Look, Ryland I love you and seriously only you. What I did with Gabbie was bad and I should have consulted you about that and other things like that. I didn't mean to make it seem like I didn't care about how you felt because I do, so much. I have no excuse why I didn't ask you if me being so close with people and my exs especially was okay all I can tell you is that I want no one else but you and hope you forgive me." Shane spilled his heart out. His cheeks were soaked with tears and I could tell he was shaking. I reached out and hugged him tightly, missing how perfect his body feels in my arms. I closed my eyes as tears fell.

"Shane..." I said at a loss for words. He pulled back and looked at me.

"You did hurt me though too. You said what you did about my sexuality." He brought up and I shut my eyes cringing. I knew he wouldn't forget it.

"Shane god, I'm so sorry. I never gave you a chance to talk and I didn't want to listen. I was so defensive. What I said about you being bisexual was rude and wrong and came from a place of anger but I'm sorry I made it feel discriminatory or that I don't accept you or that I wish you were gay because I don't. I love you just who you are and I'm sorry I made it seem that I didn't." I said crying and holding his hand. They were always warm, and I missed it so much.

"The guy." He said. I furrowed my brow before I remembered. Jordan. "Did you text him? I just really need to know Ryland I won't be mad, but I can't not know." He said worry in all his features.

"I didn't. I never texted, called, or contacted him in anyway. I didn't need to. I didn't want to. You offer me so much, I never want anyone else." I said smiling at him. He pulled me into his lips by my hand that was gripping his. The kiss was needy and messy as our tears slipped into each other's mouths, but I needed this as much as Shane did. I missed the connection so deeply it ached. I was happy to be back where I belonged with whom I belonged.

- - - - - -- - - - --- - - - - - - - - - -- -

"Ryland is like, do it!" She says laughing. I laugh hard as I could petting Uno.

"I approve this time." I smile and wink at Shane and Lily as they do their episode of Cheat Day.

"He's letting me kissyou? This is a big deal. I got this close to The Gabbie Show and it was almostover." Shane said to Lily who died laughing. I opened my mouth in shock butlaughed as Shane met my eyes. Thank god it wasn't over. 

The End.

- R