close // shyland

f i v e

I had been at Lily's for three days. I hadn't been back to Shane's once. I called it Shane's not mine...I don't have time to wonder what that means. I hadn't called or texted him and he hadn't tried to reach out either. I don't know where that left us and truthfully, I was scared to ask. I know what I said that night, but I also know what he said too. I was scared we'd been pushed too far. I wasn't ready to find out. Also plaguing my mind was the guy I met, Jordan. I hadn't texted him or reached out in anyway, but I still had the napkin. I don't know why. Maybe I kept it in case all went wrong with Shane but that thought made me feel slimy. I was in love with Shane and saw the rest of my life with him, so why couldn't I let go of this random guy? I sighed in my work space at Clevver and sank down in my chair. I heard laughter coming from outside the office and I decided to see what was going on. I saw Lily, Joslyn and Gabbie all standing around laughing. Gabbie made eye contact with me and seemed worried. But I could care less. I honestly didn't know how I felt about Gabbie, but I wasn't about to decide right then and there.

"Ryland hey do you know Gabbie?" Lily asked. Gabbie looked extremely uncomfortable.

"I do." I said choosing a simple answer. Gabbie tried to smile at me but I didn't accept it. I wasn't ready to.

"Good can you show her around, I said I would, but I have to go." Lily smiled at me. I didn't want to, but I couldn't say no to Lily especially since she's been kind enough to let me stay at her house with no questions asked.

"It's fine we can do it another time." Gabbie said but I shook my head.

"It's alright, let's go Gabbie." I said trying to sound as neutral as possible. Gabbie just nodded and waved goodbye to Lily. I lead Gabbie around the offices of Clevver not actually saying anything. I was just annoyed and not happy to do this.

"You didn't have to do this Ryland, I know you didn't want to." Gabbie spoke up.

"I owe Lily." I said not in the mood for conversation but apparently that didn't translate to her.

"For letting you stay at her place?" She asked.

"Did Lily tell you?" I asked even more annoyed that my business was out there.

"No, Shane did." She said slowly. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to face her.

"What?"

"Shane called me a few days ago crying." She said looking at me cautiously.

"Cool since you guys are so close." I said smirking sarcastically. Gabbie sighed.

"Ryland it's not like that please. Look what Shane and I did wasn't cool especially without asking you. I'm sorry I overstepped. I want you to know I only see Shane as a friend but I'm just sorry I did anything to make you question my intentions or Shane's. He's so in love with you dude." Gabbie confessed in the hallway. I stared at her and my anger faded away. She was genuine through and through. I smiled a real smile at her and nodded.

"Thank you." I said and with those two words seemed to carry my whole message.

"You're welcome but please, talk to Shane. He's losing his mind." She said worry creeping back in. My heart sank a little and I just shook my head no.

"I just can't." I said looking down to my feet.

"Ryland, he's so sad. He doesn't know where you guys are right now, and he's terrified. Even if you decide to end it, which I think is a mistake, you need to talk to him to give him that sense of certainty. You know better than I do that Shane hates not knowing what's happening." Gabbie spoke and she was right. Shane absolutely hated being unsure of things. I can imagine him now not being able to sleep and hardly eating because he doesn't know what I want and if we're together.

"You're right and Iwill soon. Don't tell him though. Just know it will be soon." I said giving intothe fact that Gabbie was correct and I needed to do this for Shane and myself.The only issue was, I needed to know what I wanted myself.