close // shyland

t w o

I woke up uncomfortable and not feeling rested in the slightest. My eyes adjust, and I can see that Shane was not in the bed. I wonder if he ever came to bed. I sighed sitting up. My phone had clocked the time at 12:00pm. I also had a few work-related texts that I quickly checked before accepting that I should get out of bed. I quietly make my way down the stairs to see no on besides Uno on the couch. I furrowed my brow wondering where the hell Shane was until I saw him outside on the phone looking stressed and sleep deprived. I felt bad. I was still upset at him but perhaps I didn't give him a chance to explain. I didn't even try to talk it out and he didn't feel like he could come talk to me. I make my way outside to talk to him but quietly as I didn't want to disrupt the phone call, it could have been important.

"I don't know anymore. I try and try, and I understand why he's mad, but he didn't even try to listen to me." Shane said. His back faced away from the front door, so he couldn't see me. I made a pout that he had to go and talk to his mother this upset because of him.

"I'm not trying to make excuses because I was wrong too, but he just unleashed so much to me at once I was taken back because he was hiding his feelings from me." Shane sighed slumping against his chair. I had enough listening to Shane spill his feelings to someone besides himself. I was ready to talk.

"Gabbie it's not your fault honestly you don't have to worry." Shane said, and I froze in my place. He was on the phone with Gabbie? It angered me beyond belief.

"Really?" I speak up scaring Shane. He jumped around to meet my eyes. Closer it's clear he was crying and didn't get much sleep, but I pushed that all to the back of my mind.

"Ryland you're awake." He stated, and I rolled my eyes at him.

"And I woke up alone, why? Because you're out here talking to Gabbie." I said not caring if she heard me. Shane put his phone down to stand in front of me.

"Ryland can we talk?" He asked but I pushed his shoulder to prevent him from getting any closer.

"You seemed just fine talking to her." I said my eyes burning with anger. Shane groaned.

"You wouldn't even hear me out!" Shane exclaimed.

"So sorry if I was just a little upset at the sight of a girl on top of my boyfriend! You were in the wrong and you had the nerve to act annoyed at me? You didn't even try to talk to me!" I yelled at him tears threatening to fall.

"You spilled so much on me god forbid I need a fucking minute to process all the feelings you've been hiding from me!" Shane yelled back seeming genuinely upset.

"How could I have told you? That's your whole thing you would have brushed it aside like I was just overreacting." Shane ran both his hands through his hair and exhaled a loud breath. His face was red as he looked at me.

"You don't know that because you never came to me. You just assumed to know how I would react because of your own insecurities." Shane said pointing at me. My mouth fell open shocked.

"My insecurities an issue for you?" I asked in hurt.

"Only when you hide shit from me." He said sitting back down but facing me. We both remained quiet. I looked at Shane as he looked into the pool. It seemed like forever we had been silent, but it was realistically about two minutes. "Why didn't you tell me?" He finally spoke looking in my eyes. I saw his glistening with tears almost falling over.

"I told you, I didn't want to seem jealous and like I was overreacting." I said quietly and looking away from his gaze. I heard him sigh and caught him staring up at the sky before looking at me.

"I wish you wouldn't have assumed that." He said, and it felt like the end of the fight. Except I felt him placing a lot of blame on me.

"You're right and I'm sorry but I didn't think you'd care."

"Why?"

"Well why did you never think to ask me how I felt about you being around your exs and people you flirt with like Lisa, Gabbie, Drew or Garrett?" I asked looking at him again. He looked thoughtful.

"They're close friends." Shane answered.

"You were married to Lisa." I said, and he nodded.

"But she was my friend first and foremost. We had rekindled the friendship before you came along." Shane said, and I had to admit his choice of words stung a little. "Drew and Gabbie have always been just friends."

"Garrett?" I ask. Shane shakes his head.

"That connection was never like that." He said.

"That's not the point Shane. You never considered that I would feel uncomfortable or sad or insecure. You just expected me to roll with it. You assumed I was okay with it." I said harshly emphasizing my last sentence and he just met my eyes. I had no tears just hurt and anger. I didn't want to be near him and I've never felt that way. I begin to walk back into the house to achieve the distance I craved but I felt him grab my hand. His beautiful eyes were riddled with tears and his cheeks were wet. But I was pissed. It was like there was heat radiating of my body.

"You're with girls all the time and they flirt with you, but you don't see me saying anything because I know they're your friends and its harmless. Why can't you feel the same?" He asked.

"Because I'm gay, you're bisexual." I blurted before I could think about it, but I really didn't care.

"Don't..." He began but never finished. I couldn't even comprehend the anger I had myself. I was uncaring and unforgiving.

"I don't want to seeor hear you at all." I spat at him then walked inside the house slamming thedoor.