(REWRITING) What Not To Do

7- Do Not Reminisce

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"I don't know, Jade. Maybe you misunderstood."

"You didn't hear her, Lily." I shook my head. "She said she couldn't wait until I was gone. She's probably counting down the days until I turn eighteen and she can throw me out of the house."

Another wave of sadness washed over me and I fell back onto Lily's bed. I knew I wasn't Gram's favorite person in the world, but I thought she liked having me around at least a little bit. The way she talked on the phone, it was like she never wanted me in the first place.

"She should've just given me to someone else. Then I wouldn't be around to burden her." I rested my head on my arm and stared out of the bedroom window. "She always did like Jaxon more. I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

"Come on, this is crazy." Lily said, shaking me. "Maybe she was just in a bad mood."

"Yeah because Jaxon went back to University and she realized she was still stuck with me." I replied. "I can see why she'd be in a bad mood."

Lily sighed and I sat up, hugging a pillow to my chest. I played her words over and over in my head and tried to come up with some explanation. No matter how I thought about it, I came back to one reason. My grandmother didn't want me.

I tried not to let it get to me, but that was easier said than done. Grams was one of the only people in my life that I knew would love me unconditionally. At least, that's what I thought. I'd been with Grams since I was a little girl. She always talked about how much she loved being a mother when my father was still alive, and anyone could see how much she adored Jaxon. Maybe it was just different with me. I stared down at the pillow in my lap and played with a loose string on it.

"Maybe there's something wrong with me." I said quietly. It was something I'd thought about more than once, but I always tried my hardest to stay positive.

"There's nothing wrong with you." Lily said right away.

"No?" I looked up at her questioningly. "If it isn't me then what is it? First my mom and now Grams? Jaxon will probably be next."

"Jaxon loves you, Jade." Lily looked at me helplessly.

I deflated and gave a weak shrug. "Yeah, well," I looked down again, hating the tightness in my chest. "My mom said she loved me right before she left."

She looked at me with sad eyes. "I think you should talk to her."

I pursed my lips, not liking the idea. I knew she was right though. "Fine. But can I stay here tonight?"

Lily gave me a look of warning. "She's going to be mad if you don't come home tonight."

I rolled my eyes and leaned back against her headboard. "I'll send her a text."

Lily was silent and I knew she thought it was a bad idea. It was a school night, which was usually a no-go for slumber parties, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Grams didn't want me around anyway. I was doing her a favor.

"I'll talk to her tomorrow, Lil." I told her and she finally relented.

"Fine." She sighed heavily before flopping down next to me. "Movie marathon?"