My Journey

Welcome 2018 (pt. 2)

*Ethan and I's hotel room, 1st January 2:00am*
"Gray, before you leave to your room I just want to say something."
"What is it?"
"You better take a seat. It's probably gonna take a while." I said as we all were sitting before we left for the apartment. "As you guys may know, specially E, it's not often that I show my feelings for someone."
"It is." He whisperedand locked hands with mine.
"Um, I- Look, this year, at the beginning, wasn't easy for me. I had just moved in from the other half of the world a d had pretty much no one with me. The only person I had with me was Jess, and that was because she used to be my next-door neighbour and was the only person that came to me when I moved in so we got along well along side with her now husband Josh. So when they got married, they moved out to an actual house and we kind of drifted apart. Now we only saw each other for photoshoots and that was it."
"Like the one we had on the beach." Grayson remembered.
"Yes, just like that. And I was too focused on my channel and being too strict with myself with what I posted. All of that was getting too much for me, and this very serious thought of quitting was constantly at the back of my head.
"That is not like you at all." Ethan said surprised.
"I know; and even though I knew I was over doing my channel I kept uploading three times a week, maybe even four. And I was not happy with what I was doing at the time, obviously. But then I got an email that said I was nominated for Female Webstar of the year for the TCAs and invited to go and, yes, that did cheer me up, but I still felt weird about my content and not really happy with it. I also felt horrible about myself because I was nominated to the most important award for a female webstar when I had the worst content I have ever had, I felt the most lonely I've ever felt in my life. Later that month my favourite YouTubers felt down too," I said looking at both of them. "and that made me feel better about myself and made me realise I wasn't alone, that it is normal to feel down sometimes. I still really wasn't feeling the best, my content was still shit and I still felt like a piece of shit, but at least I knew I wasn't alone." It was so hard remembering this and what I really want to say, the whole point of me talking was even harder for me, hens why I am rambling about all of this. "A couple of days after knowing that they were also feeling down, they stopped uploading, for a week. The cut down every source of social media connection to ever exist. The last news I had about them is one of them had surgery performed on him. A week later they decided to upload a video, probably the most eye-opening video I've ever watched. They were putting their mental health at risk because of us. I felt a connection to them, I could relate to them. I was feeling the same way. Pretty much with out even thinking about it I grabbed my vlogging camera and filmed the hardest video I've probably ever filmed. I opened up and said everything I was keeping for myself. I didn't even edited it. I just imported the footage and uploaded it. I took a bit of time off. Next thing I know a week and a half went by. I had not touched my phone for anything else other than to speak to my family. So I went ahead and filmed a little apology video. I wasn't gonna upload as frequently as I used to, that's when Alba's Sunday came around. And before I realised Lucas and Mario were here and so were the TCAs. So I grabbed my butt and went there. When I was inside I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I was actually there. This was real. The whole thing started and little did I know those YouTubers were there, watching me making a fool of myself jaming to Kyle."
"Yeah, that was embarrassing." Grayson said giggling.
"But because of that, my life was about to change." I said before taking a deep breath. "Guys, you've changed my life. And with mine, so many lives. Most likely even saved. I will never be able to thank you enough. You guys have been the biggest support in LA. Along with Aaron of course. But you guys make me so happy, you get the best out of me. This year has been the best and the worst of my life. I've been the happiest and the saddest." My voice ended up shaking of how hard it was for me to say this but I finally managed to get it out of my mouth. "I love you guys, more than anything. I love you guys because you were the ones that lifted me up when no one would. You were the ones that believed in me when no one else did. You guys may think I didn't realise that you knew about my situation prior to us meeting, but I did know you knew."
"How?" Ethan asked.
"I knew because you were the ones that always had time to hang out with me. When I said I was bored you were already waiting on front of my door for me, to go out and live adventures. You were the ones that when I started receiving all the hate when we went public and I was panicking for the first time ever since I met you you were the ones that were for me even before me telling anything to you guys."
"We thought that was what friends did for each other." Ethan said.
"But I always felt that bit more with you guys. You were always there before anyone else. When I really realised that you guys cared for me, for real, was when I left for Spain. You were the ones calling me pretty much every single night."
"Yeah, it really was boring when you left. We didn't really have much else to do. We just wanted to check up on you and cure our freedom."
"But you stayed till the very last minute just to welcome me back. That was also a pretty amazing time." I said giggling, as only ethan and I know what happened at the airport. I may have touched subject lightly with Vanessa, but that is it. We haven't even talked about it to Grayson.
"Well, now that we know you noticed, we obviously did care about you." Grayson said.
"We knew how bad your year had been that we wanted to flip that around. And in the meantime, I fell head over heels for you." Ethan said as he tightened his grip to my hand and looked me straight in the eyes. "I couldn't help it."
"Neither could I." I said looking at him too.
"I think we also want to add that you have also been amazing. You've also had our back." Grayson said. "You've been an incredible friend."
"And girlfriend."
"Thanks, but I know this year would've been hell without you guys by my side."
"But you have an amazing surportive family."
"But they live on the other side of the world. They wouldn't be able to be here as soon as I need them."
"You're right."
"Don't get me wrong, I love them to death, but distance is a big thing..."
"We get it. We're glad we got to be by your side this half year." Grayson said.
"And that you got to be with us too." Ethan added.
"You have to up me now every time I say something, huh?"
"You just keep leaving things out that are crucial, you dumb ass!" Ethan said, louder than usual.
"Don't worry guys, I'm just happy we get to do all of this, travel, hang out, be happy, together. Come here!" I said opening my arms to hug them. They both came in for the hug.
"I'm sorry to break our fantabulous moment, but it's getting kind of late and I feel like I'm gonna fall asleep any second. You guys have fun. You're already comfy on your PJs. Just make sure they stay on for the rest of the night." He said as he reached the door.
"Grayson!" I shouted while Ethan was laughing at my reaction.
"Sweet dreams guys!" Grayson said before getting out of our room.
"Why did you laugh?" I said when I heard the door close. I stood up to see Ethan trying to hold in his laugh. "Ethan!"
"What?!?" He said letting out a couple of giggles. I gave him a death stare. "Come in babe. I've been great all night."
"And?"
"How about we do this?"
"We do what?"
"We play a little game. If I win, will you give in?"
"Depends. What if you loose?"
"I'll have to keep getting rejected, I guess."
"What is that game?" I said sitting down on the bed, next to him and really, really close to him.
"You better stop..." He said as he looked down at his hands and fidgeted with his left hand.
"What? I'm not doing anything."
"Alright whatever. If I know you better than you know me, you know... If you know me better than I know you, it will stay the same."
"Sounds like a cool game, but what if we tie?"
"You get to choose. Deal?" He said holding his hand out for a handshake.
"Deal." I said kissing him on the cheek instead and then leaning on the bed frame.
"Alright. You start first." He said sitting in front of me.
"Okay, um... What is my middle name? Let's start off easy."
"You are the worst. But I'm a good boyfriend so I know that you don't have a middle name. You have two last names, you lil weirdo."
"Off to a good start."
"Thank you. My turn, I'll start off easy too, which sports did I play as a kid?"
"Very easy, lacrosse, wrestling and football."
"What type of football?"
"Your weird football, american football not soccer."
"Correct. Step it up if you want. I'm ready."
"You sure?"
"Sure."
"Fine, what is my second last name?"
"Shit, I know your first one, Brenner from your dad, but I don't know your second one."
"You bought plane tickets for me, for Pete's sake!"
"Don't steal that from me. That's my phrase now."
"Come on Mr 'step it up, I'm ready'. Show me how well you know me."
"The plane tickets was a long time ago! I don't remember it."
"Ethan, what's my mum's surname?"
"Munoz?"
"I don't know if I should give it to ya...."
"Why?" He asked very pissed off.
"It's Muñoz, not Munoz, babe. That changes everything."
"I don't know how to pronounce it. Come on, give me that point. I deserve it."
"I'll give you half a point."
"Fine. I'll take it. Now what is my least favourite colour?"
"I'm guessing brown, cause it looks like poop and you don't like poop. My answer is poopy brown."
"Ha! Nope, I dont have a least favourite colour. I like all of them."
"What? That question was even trickier than my first one!"
"Revenge."
"You little piece of shit..." I said giving him another death stare.
"What are you looking at?"
"Your poopy brown eyes..."
"Oh, you liking them aren't you?" Ethan said smirking but staying still, not moving any other muscle.
"No, I am not enjoying it. They make me think of the hardest questions. Or at least the ones I think you won't have any idea about."
"Try me."
"I can't think of any. You know me too well."
"I wouldn't have offered this game if I knew I wouldn't win... I'm not a dumb ass."
"You little devil..." I said looking down at my hands. I should've thought about that. "Fine, I'll go down to basics again. What is my favourite song of all time?"
"Of all time?"
"Of all time."
"I know it's from 1D, cause you were a basic white girl, and still are; but which one is your favourite."
"I've played it to you. You should know this too."
"They've got so many songs... I know it reminded you of your mum but it didn't come out when it happened. It came out a couple years after.... Don't Forget Where You Belong?"
"That one was easy..."
"Yes! Two points and a half for me, one for you! WOW!"
"I still have my turn."
"Okay, what is my favourite movie?"
"21 Jump Street. Easy." I said with out even thinking.
"You got it right."
"Don't make it this easy if you want it to be a challenge."
"I'm still up for half a point."
"You may be, but I want to win."
"Then give me my next question. Let's make it the last one. If I get it right I win, but if I get it wrong you get to choose what happens."
"Sounds good. If I could go anywhere right now, where would it be? Like my favourite holiday spot at the moment."
"Oh no. I feel like this is pretty tricky too... You've always talked about going to Ireland, but when Gray and I went to Hawaii you kept saying you wished you were there..."
"It might not be any of those places."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes I am."
"I'm fucked." He said throwing his hands to his head. "Alright, I might have to go with Greece. Anywhere in Greece."
"WRONG! I win! It was Hawaii! I was trying to trick you, I thought it wouldn't work."
"Great." He said running his hand through his hair and looking down.
"And I choose.... That you win." I said  what made Ethan look at me confused.
"What do you mean I win?" He asked me still touching his hair.
"That you win."
"I win?" He said with a smirk and coming closer to me.
"Yes you do." I said as I touched his hips when he got close to me. Hope Grayson is already asleep....

A/N:
I am so sorry, I really don't know how to witte this type of stuff. I tried, but I feel like it was really bad. I still worte it because I thought it was the best time for it, I felt like she was ready.😂😂😂