To Name The Dark

cede to tears

I wake alone.

I kind of thought... I don't know.

Actually, I do. I thought I'd wake up and Riana would be here. I thought she would unknot the tangled mess in my head and iron out my memories until I was new, unbroken.

Guess I have to do it myself. Assuming all... this, everything from the bruised sky to my brother's death is real... well. I have read enough fantasy books to hope that there are 'others'. Others like me, or at least a little similar. Riana, for example. Even though she was probably just another hallucination and you're lying to yourself stop grasping at straws you are still so very alone-

SO. If there are others like me... how do I find them? Obviously just walking around won't do it, but... what else am I supposed to do?

What am I going to do?

It's just that I have no way of proving that the power was real. Even if I could somehow summon it again (not that I want to), I could just be hallucinating it.

And now, the route of thought I really don't want to go down. Assuming... none of this has been real. The logical thing to do would be to- to turn around and go back home. Or to the hospital. Which is never going to happen.

The loneliness blossoms, a blackened rose. I was normal, before. Fake, but normal. (Aren't we all hiding?) I had surface-deep friendships and obligatory love, but there were routines and rules. There were distractions. Now I am adrift, in freefall, and I can't get upright, can't see where to go from here.

The dark thing pushes, insistent, on my mind. I sigh, and let it in. Let myself get dragged under.

Tarry black tears, icy cold, well in my eyes. I try to wipe them away with my palm, which results in liquid black beading on my fingertips. I try to shake it off, but soon tiny black droplets are shooting from my palm. I touch my hands together, just to see, and sure enough, when I take them apart both are spraying the liquid everywhere. The tears are also flowing down my cheeks, a steady stream.

If this is a hallucination, it is a very vivid one. I try to direct the spray, focusing on a leafy shrub. Nothing really seems to happen. I flick some of the liquid at the shrub, and- the parts hit corrode, fast, until the shrub and some of the surrounding plants are nothing but a smoking, twisted mess.

I sway, suddenly tired to the bone. I do not lie down, but the ground suddenly rushes up to meet me and the horizon goes vertical. Well, now that I am on the floor... I may as well... sleep...

I wake, and she is there. Riana. Leaning over me. Well. I am not totally sure if she really is there. Maybe she was never there, and I was on a futile mission, like chasing shadows or capturing dreams.

"You're lucky," she says. "We're not too far from the camp. Some of us had to walk for, like, ever. Me, for example." She stares at me.

I return the favour.

She purses her lips. "You're not looking too good, are you? Not to be rude, but... yeah. Ro can give you a boost when we get to camp, I guess."

Thanks a lot! Who is this Ro person? A boost? Are you sure you're real? I am so tired my bones ache. I think all of these things, and they are ready to spill out of my mouth, but... "Camp?" I manage blearily, words slurred, still half-asleep.

"Yeah, uh, how about we walk first, ask questions later. Don't get me wrong, I get it. We've all been through this. But I won't be able to hold the illusion for long, so let's get going. 'Kay?"

"Okay," I mumble.

She reaches out a hand as if to help me up, then pulls it back. "Sorry, I'm not here. I keep forgetting." She laughs a little.