To Name The Dark

all i needed

It is night now. Or at least, that's what I'm assuming. The sky is strange- obsidian black with maroon streaks showing through, as if someone was trying to paint the sky black, but gave up near the end.
The heat has not lessened much, though, and the red sand is still warm to the touch. Riana and Rohan are apparently too excitable to be much good at the testing, and Mika... fell asleep before she could be asked. So Arc is going to do it. Whatever it is. I look up, and Arc's hazel eyes meet mine.
'Okay. Have you ever read or watched Harry Potter?'

Needless to say, I am completely confused.

'Uh... yes? Multiple times, actually.'

Behind me, Mika snores like a dying elephant, and I jump a little.

'Great. So, you remember how when you're casting a Patronus Charm, you think of your happiest memory.'

'Yup. Is that... what I need to do?'

'Oh, no. Not at all. The complete opposite, in fact. I want you to picture your saddest memories- all of the worst times in your life.'

Great, I think. Just great. I close my eyes and try to think sad thoughts.

Five years old, lost in a supermarket, surrounded by people, yet totally alone... sulking in my room while my family laughs downstairs... my best friend moving to America, promising that she'll text, waiting for weeks, but nothing... at the theme park, fake friends, fake smiles, nobody caring... killing and killing and killing a-

'THEA! STOP!' Arc yells.

I wrench my eyes open, and the acid pours out. Hello, old friend. I didn't miss you. I can't stop it though, I can't, I can't, and Arc is backing away. That makes it worse, the fear in their eyes. I know then- no one will ever want to be near me. Not even in this messed up world. I am poison, I am a tsunami, I am lethal. I turn to run, because I don't want to hurt anybody- to melt skin off bone like you did to that man- I can't hurt anybody again.
I'm sprinting now, Rohan's gift of energy still soaring through my veins like adrenaline. The thought that I am leaving these people behind causes the tears to flow even more violently, the thought that I will be alone in this desert till I die.

'Hold on!' Arc shouts. 'Wait!'

Too late now, though. My legs power onward, sliding on the sand, further and further, until-

Something lifts me, and I hang, suspended, in the air. Globules of the dark acid hang around me, and I feel... paused. Peaceful, almost. The strange force turns me round slowly, and I see Arc walking towards me. Careful, ever so careful. Like they are approaching a feral animal. The tears flow gently, rolling down my cheeks and dripping off my chin, only to be caught by Arc's power and hang in the air. Dark stars against the blood-streaked sky.

'Tell me what you were remembering, Thea,' they say gently.

So I do, still crying liquid death. I speak out, into the dark desert. Arc listens.

'It's something to do with... abandonment, right? You can't... you can't be alone.'

Something clicks into place inside me. Yes, I want to say. Yes! I just nod.

'Loneliness. Thea, you're a Loneliness!'

These tears won't stop, can't stop, until they say: 'Don't worry, okay. We won't leave you.'

And there's truth in Arc's voice that I can't ignore, and now I'm crying real, salty, transparent tears because under the bravado and adrenaline... yes. Yes, I felt so alone, and lost, and all I needed was to hear that.

'Thank you,' I mumble, as they lower me to the ground with their power. We walk back to the camp, in companionable silence. I go to sleep feeling... found.