But Too Well

XXXV : Before

IT'S THE SMALL things.

Like, when I open my door to let him in, he's holding a cupcake with a little topper that says "Happy 8 Months".

And I laugh, real, deep from the bottom of my chest, and he sweeps me into his arms and the cupcake is discarded somewhere because I'm too busy kissing him and he can't let me go.

We spend the evening tangled between my sheets, and we split the cupcake somewhere around midnight, and then I force him to sleep because he has trial tomorrow. And he still came and brought me a cupcake, and brought me him, and I love him so much. I wish every last piece of me belonged to him. I wish I was all his.

•§•

I WAKE HIM up early, and the sleepy, dazed grin that he gives me as soon as his eyes flutter open makes every part of me warm. He wastes little time; he tugs me on top of him and captures my lips, and my hands tangle in the golden waves of his hair, and I sigh his name against his mouth.

After we shower I shoo him away with a cup of coffee, because I know that my dad and Daniel are waiting for him, and his kiss lingers on my skin even after he's gone.

This time, I have no plans to make it to the court. I'll watch the live feed, maybe, at lunch, but there is no reason for me to miss another day of work for something that gives me so much grief.

Just as I'm finishing breakfast, there's a knock on my door. Even as I open it I know that there's something slightly off about him, and when I see his face, pale and red and sniffly, dark circles and messy hair, sneezing into his sleeve, it's clear that Nero has an absolutely horrible cold.

If I wasn't so taken aback I might have laughed at him, because it's... comical.

He looks tired and weak and very irritated, like he can't believe that he is clearly being bested by some bacterial infection that is turning him into a pile of snot and coughs and phlegm.

"You look like crap."

I must look amused, because he rolls his eyes. "Do you have any Kleenex, dolcezza?" His voice is raspy and sick and croaky and I hide a grin as I nod, leaving to find him a box.

When I pass it to him, he mutters a thanks, and I pretend to be disgusted by his ickiness, feign brushing his germs from my hands. Before he can sulk back to his room, I add, "I guess you're not going to the trial, then." Looking at him, it's not even a question.

"No."

That's all I get before he escapes my laughter by dragging himself back through his door, and it's strangely therapeutic to know that even someone as powerful, as seemingly perfect as Nero, can still be attacked by nature just like the rest of us.

•§•

IT'S JUST PAST twelve that afternoon when Daniel calls me.

"Rosalyn? Shit, Rosalyn, are you there?"

He's breathless, there's too much noise in the background, the line is busy.

Something is very, very wrong.

I jump up from my chair, sandwich falling from my fingers. "Daniel? What's going on? Is everything alr—"

"Oh god. Caleb, dude, no, oh my god..." His voice has fallen away from me, and he sounds like he's in shock, in panic, and every part of me goes cold.

"Daniel, what's going on? Can you hear me?"

I leave the office and rush into a quiet washroom, pressing the phone to my ear.

"Rosalyn, at the courthouse, they—"

There is too much yelling.

"He had a gun and— oh fuck. Caleb, no, dude," the sounds drift from the speaker, and I can hear it as the phone falls to the ground, can hear it as Daniel calls out for help, can hear the distress in every syllable and the screaming and the cries and shit what the hell oh god and then the line cuts out seconds later.

•§•

WHEN I FIND Daniel in the waiting room he is covered in blood, and it takes me a second through my stream of tears and his fallen expression and the feel of his shirt for me to realize that it's not his.

And then Dad is there and Mom comes and there is just chaos and the hospital is so full of sick people and no no no no no

Caleb

Caleb

Oh god no

They try to hold me and tell me that it will be okay but I need to see him right now and no, he's with the doctors and what the hell happened and more people were hurt too but no they have Caleb there, in surgery and he's in critical condition and

The nurse comes and there were three bullets inside of him and they are still working on him and

Here have some coffee

And no no no

Rosalyn calm down no I need to see him what the fuck happened

Are you guys alright? Here, Daniel change your shirt

Shit I think she's in shock

Sit here and calm down and

No no

No

I need to see him I need

You can't, sit here and calm down and

Who the hell did this what happened

It was just so sudden I can't explain it I don't know but

Caleb stupid stupid stupid

Why did he

He was going to

Going to what

Going to tell and then the judge and the black and the gun and the bullets and there was just blood everywhere everywhere

Red red red red

I tried to stop it with my hands and my shirt and no one knew first aid and

We called 911 and it took them too long to get there and shit there was so much blood and we did what we could think of but no no

Izzy Mr and Mrs Dorn oh dear are you alright what happened sit here oh Caleb

And Shauna and Natalia and

Here, eat something and no

I can't

I can't

I can't.

No, I can't.

***

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