But Too Well

LI : Love

Hint: the good part is the last third...

***

NATALIA DOESN'T REALLY meet my gaze at dinner, and I don't blame her. I understand exactly where she's coming from.

But the truth is that I know a Nero who is completely different from the one she's become used to. It's just going to take time.

Oh. And she's not the only one who noticed something different about me. "Rosalyn," my mom comments with a kind smile, "You look good. Did you do something with your hair?"

A part of me wishes that everything could go back to normal, that me looking happy and ordinary is just the way it is. But we've been through too much for that.

I catch Natalia's eye, and she raises a dry, perfectly-shaped brow. There might be a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth, but that's probably wishful thinking.

"I've had a great week," is all I say. I try not to imagine or remember any of the specifics, with my parents and my brother across from me.

As we clear the table after dinner, Natalia and I work in silence. I wash dishes and she dries them, my parents and brother oblivious to the heaviness that's settled between us.

"Rosalyn," she says quietly as I pass her a pan. She smiles a little at me, resigned and tired. "You know he's in love with you, right?"

My heart skips a beat, my face flushing red. I think back to yesterday at dinner, him whispering that line from Great Expectations, his breath warm against my face as he leaned across the counter. "What makes you say that?"

She raises an eyebrow, putting the cloth down and taking a breath. "He told me so."

I remember the things they said today, things I couldn't understand, and their conversation suddenly makes sense. I close my eyes, the thought of it astonishing and confusing and... breathtaking. It makes my insides flutter, my head light.

He loves me. Somehow I can believe it. His hands on my skin, his mouth pressing against me, his dark, sparkling eyes piercing into my head, my soul. It was all real. I'd have to be delusional not to see it.

"I know he's not good for me, Natalia." I look at her, will her to see and understand what I know, why I still care for him after everything. "But he and I are..." I sigh.

The more I've thought about it, about everything that has happened since the moment we met, I have come to believe that we, Nero and I, were fated to end up here. Fated to fall, deep, and not to return.

"I know, Ros." She puts a hand on my shoulder, and the look of understanding and emotion on her face makes me want to fall into her arms. "I know it's real."

I smile, a little relieved, and she shakes her head, chuckling a little. "I don't know what the hell you did to him, Rosalyn, but..." She sighs, and there's a far away look in her eyes. "Today, that man I saw was..." She searches my face for something. "I haven't seen that part of my cousin in a long, long time."

I can see how the thought if it makes her emotional, brings back so, so many memories. The way things used to be. The innocence of the past.

But, none of us are innocent any more. I think I've realized that, once I accept this as truth, the world becomes much lighter.

•§•

AS WE SIT in the living room drinking our coffee, my dad looks at me and I can tell something is up.